Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 19.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 19.0

By: J-Shannon

What is going on Bro Nameth World? It is your boy J-Shannon, and I’m back with another solid edition of the Happy Crappy Monday, volume 19. Another lazy weekend for me, although I did manage to get up and make it to the gym both days, so I’m pretty proud of that. This week, we cover everything from LeBron and “His Talents”, The President of the USA, some Charlie Sheen, a little March Madness Bubble Watch, and the famous Wonderlic Test……Sit back and relax, and enjoy the Crappy Ass Monday Morning…..

1. Where should LeBron take his talents next year?

Everyone was predicting all kinds of streaks for the Miami Heat this season. Anyone predict 4 in a row? That’s right, 4 losses in a row. The Bulls put a hurting on the Heat Sunday afternoon, giving the heat their 4^th loss in a row. Going into Sunday, the Bulls were 2-0 this season against the Heat, and were looking for the season sweep Sunday. Well, they got it. Think back to last time the Heat and Bulls played, $115 Million Dollar Man Chris Bosh went 1-19 from the field. 1-19. I’ll promise you one thing, I’ll bet my life on the fact that you give me $115 million; I will go better than 1-19. The shitty performance of Bosh got the blame for the loss, saying that he had a bad game, and ultimately that was the deciding factor. Well Bosh played better today; in fact all 3 members of the “Big 3” were over 20 in points. So what is the problem? Is it a coaching thing? Is it a chemistry thing? I’m not sure, but I will say that the Heat need to get their shit together, or there are going to be some pissed off people in South Beach……

2. Excuse me Mr. President, don’t you have more important S%#T to worry about?

So normally, we don’t talk politics at Bro Nameth. Not that we don’t care, but if we are going to waste our time on arguing a point, it is going to be about something we actually care about. Well, mark this down as the first time I bring up the President in the Happy Crappy Monday Morning. Why? Because it is my column, and I will write about whatever the hell I want to write about. So if we are going to bitch about politics, I’m going right to the top.

Don’t you think that President Obama has a few more issues he should worry about and comment on than the NFL? I mean don’t get me wrong, I think the NFL is amazing, and I don’t want to downplay the importance on the economy a lockout would bring. Let’s look at what he COULD be commenting on: the fact that the country is STILL at war, how horrible his healthcare bill is, the fact that the country pays more for a gallon of gas than a gallon of milk.

The president made a rather ignorant comment this weekend regarding the labor talks with the NFL. Here was the President’s view on the NFL labor talks:

“You’ve got owners, most of whom are worth close to a billion dollars,” Obama said.  “You’ve got players who are making millions of dollars.  People are having to cut back, compromise and worry about making mortgage [payments]. . . .  The two parties should be able to work it out without the President of the United States intervening. . . .  [F]or an industry that’s making $9 billion a year in revenue, they can figure out how to divide it up in a sensible way.”

Why do I have an issue with this statement? Yes, owners make Billions of dollars. But the majority of NFL players only make $200-$400 K annually. I’m not saying they are broke, but it’s not like $200 K is a lot of money these days. You want to talk about sensibility; you would think the President of a country that is spending just north of $100 BILLION annually on the Iraq War, would spend a little more time worrying about that problem…..

Start focusing on what is really important, and we will start calling you Bro-ack Obama. Until then, you’re not going to get much love from Bro Nameth…..

I’m just sayin…..

3. Charlie Sheen business partners with Mark Cuban?

Yes, you read that correctly. Mark Cuban and Charlie Sheen are in talks to put Charlie Sheen on a new TV Series on HDNet. Keep in mind Mark Cuban owns HDNet, so he can put whatever the hell he wants to on the Station. The new show is either going to be a talk show, or a Reality TV Show. Why wouldn’t you jump on this if you are the Cubes? First of all, everything he touches seems to turn into Billions. Second, everyone on the Planet is talking about Charlie Sheen these days. I know one thing, I’ll be watching…..

4. Jamaal Anderson may be the second worse defensive choice in the past 5 years…..

Why? Because ex Jet Vernon Gholston just may be the worse. The absolute dud of a defensive player was cut last week, no surprise to anyone. Think about this: The guy had a $9 Million Dollar Clause in his contract that stated if he was to have one forced fumble, one sack, or one fumble recovery in the 2010 season, he would earn an additional $9 Million on his contract. His total of the 3 last season=0. Look, even the absolute bust Jamaal Anderson manages to fall on the QB every now and then….

5. Bubble Watch….

The Best tournament in the world is right around the corner. Yes, I’m talking March Madness is almost upon us. It’s time to take a look at the handful of teams that are hopeful to get in the tournament, and the 4-5 who will be like the fat kid on the playground when teams are being picked…..translation: they won’t be participating…..

Florida State- What a difference a shot makes. Harrison Barnes Misses the 3pt. shot, and FSU wins and is a lock for the tournament. Now, it looks like they may have to win a game or 2 in the ACC tournament to get in the dance….

Marquette- It really sucks to be Marquette. They have a pretty good team, but they play in the Big East. Oh well, welcome to life in SEC Football. The biggest problem Marquette has is there are 10 teams in their conference better than them…..

Michigan State- They probably make the tournament because they are Michigan State. But their record is decent, although their Strength of Schedule is solid. I think Izzo and the boys are in….

Tennessee- It sure would have helped Bruce Pearl and the boys had they beat a #20 Kentucky team who were 1-6 on the road against SEC teams this year. Well, they blew it on senior night, so the only tournament they may be making is the NIT baby….

Alabama- It’s sad to say that the win the SEC west and still might not make the tournament. Yes, the SEC West is weak, but does Alabama still deserve to dance? The Tide did some things right, but lost some nasty games, and played high schools as a non conference schedule…. They may need to do some things in the SEC tournament next weekend…..

6. I almost feel Bad for Number 44, but not quite….

So with .7 seconds left in this NAIA semi-final game, Danielle Clausen makes a bold move. Check it out below. I’m not sure if what’s more impressive, the fact that she had the presence of mind to make the play, or the amount of people at a Concordia women’s college basketball game…..

7.  Inspirational Story of the Week….

Right here in our own backyard, a solid piece about what really drives Jason Heyward to play the game he loves… Get the tissues out….

8. Hottie of the Week (formerly known as Photo of the Week):

Let’s face it, the photo of the week would be a lot cooler if it was the Hottie of the week. Therefore, starting today, we will now dedicated number 8 to the Hottie of the week….. This Week: Rosie Jones.

9.“One-Liners” of the Week…

*Pete Rose- Looks like Pete is getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage, sorry bro…..

*Minnesota Vikings- Rumor has it they are going to go after Kyle Orton of Denver to be their next Starting QB…. There’s a long term plan….

*Rosie Jones- My new Celebrity Crush….

*Yoo-Hoo- Best Drink I haven’t had in the past 6 months….

10. THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10…

You know how we do this; it’s a weekly countdown of the Top 10 in the Top 10….

This week, coming off the NFL combine, I thought it would be nice to test the readers of Bro Nameth Sports, and see just what their IQ look likes. Here are 10 sample questions that would be on the Wonderlic Test, the test given to NFL Draft Prospect to see just how smart they really are…. See what you can do with these 10 questions……

1- PRESENT, RESENT - Do these words:

1.       Have Similar Meanings

2.       Have Contradictory Meanings

3.       Mean Neither the Same nor Opposite

2- A train travels 20 feet in 1/5 seconds at this exact speed, how many feet will it travel in three seconds?

3- When rope is selling at $.10 a foot, how many feet can you buy for sixty cents?

4- A boy is 16 years old and his sister is twice as old. When the boy is 22 years old, what will be the age of his sister?

5- What number is next in the following sequence:

32

31

29

26

22

?

6- FLAMMABLE, INFLAMMABLE - Do these words:

1.       Have Similar Meanings

2.       Have Contradictory Meanings

3.       Mean neither the same nor opposite

7- The hours of daylight and darkness in SEPTEMBER are nearest equal to the hours of daylight and darkness in:

1.       June

2.       March

3.       May

4.       November

8- Assume the first 2 statements are true. Is the final one:

1.       True

2.       False

3.       Not Certain

Ben greeted Beth. Beth greeted Bob. Ben did not greet Bob

9- In printing an article of 48,000 words, a printer decides to use two sizes of type. Using the larger type, a printed page contains 1,800 words. Using smaller type, a page contains 2,400 words. The article is allotted 21 full pages in a magazine. How many pages must be in smaller type?

10- Three individuals form a partnership and agree to divide all profits equally. X invests $9,000, Y invests $7,000 and Z invests $4,000. If the profits are $4,800, how much less does X receive than if the profits were divided in proportion to the amount invested?

All of the answers are in the comments section of the Blog. Leave how many you got right on the comments if you aren’t too embarrassed…..

As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.

Happy Crappy Monday Morning.......Volume 12.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 12.0

By: J-Shannon

Happy Crappy Monday Morning! It’s good being back on the wagon after some unexpected weather delays last week. We had to cram as much football into this Happy Crappy Monday because of the fact that Football season is almost over, and to be honest, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to write about once the season ends. Lots went on this past week and weekend, including some upsets, some not so surprising finishes, and another SEC team was crowned the National Champion. So sit back and relax, and prepare for one of the best Happy Crappy Monday Mornings Ever……

1.     Atlanta Falcons, Atlanta Braves, lots in common…….

So the Falcons dominated the regular season. They finished Number 1 in their respective division, earned the Number 1 overall seed in the NFC, and even had a first Round Bye. You would think that the team would be jacked beyond measure for this past Saturday’s game…. Well the team got beat down worse than Rodney King. Sound familiar? It should, it should sound just like the Atlanta Braves. Someone needs to enlighten the sports teams of ATL, and let them know that winning the regular season means nothing. It’s the playoffs that count. The saying around Atlanta for the last few weeks has been “The Road to the Super Bowl Runs Right through Atlanta!” Well bad news Atlanta, the train came through Atlanta, didn’t stop, and is on it’s way to Chicago. The good news with the Falcon’s offense and way of football is to hold the ball, run it, and chew up clock. That works fine and dandy, until you’re down by 21.  I don’t want to take anything away from the Falcons, this team has come a hell of a long way in three years, I just think the Super Bowl predictions were a year or so too early…….

2.     Hey Big TEN, chalk another one up for the SEC

I personally love when a Big Ten fan argues with me and tells me that there is just as much competition in the SEC as there is the Big Ten. Well how is this for a stat: The Big Ten has 2 National Championships in the Past 40 years, the SEC has 10 in the past 19. Auburn wrapped up another win for the good guys this weekend, even though in my opinion it will be taken away from me in a couple of years. Nick Fairley earned what should be an extra 25 million bones in the game. With Andrew Luck making possibly the dumbest decision possible, and the way Fairley played in the National Championship, it looks like he is going to be the Number 1 overall pick. Don’t worry Big Ten, even with Fairley and Newton set to head to the NFL, there is another SEC team stacking up on Blue Chip talent, and preparing to play in the 2012 National Championship……

3.     Seahawks, Welcome Back to Earth….

This one will be about as quick as a virgin tool-bag losing his virginity on Prom night. Welcome back to earth. Yes, you beat the defending Champions, but keep in mind they had no running back. Keep in mind that even thought their record was much better than yours, they did fly all the way across the country because your division sucks ass. When Jay Cutler Puts up the points on you that he did, you know you don’t deserve to go any further than you’ve already gotten……

4.     My Apologizes Sexy Rexy….

I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. And although in My Friday Morning Free for All, (if you missed it, you can click here) I predicted three out of the four weekend games correctly, I didn’t give Rex and the Jets enough credit. I have to admit, I love a good shit talker. And what makes a good shit talker great, is when they back up what they are talking about. The jets took it to the Patriots, and Brady and Bellicheck had no response for what has happening. Sanchez did what he had to do, which was play mistake free football, and don’t hand the game away. I would personally love to see the Jets and the Packers go at it in the Super Bowl, mainly because I’m a sucker for Defenses, and these two have two of the best in the league…..

5.     Golden Globes were Last night…..

Who gives a shit, they aren’t Oscars or anything……..

6.     2010 World Series of Beer Pong Champions

Let’s all give credit where it is due, and credit is due to the team of “Standing Ovation”, who won the 2010 world series of Beer Pong over the Holidays. The team competed against 507 teams, from 9 countries and 48 states. Grand Prize: $50,000. Yea you read that right; that is a chunk of change to do what well all love to do. I’m down for putting together a man’s trip next year, anyone else?

7.     Slide Down a Notch Peyton Manning, there is a new Number 2 in town….

well……

8.     Photo of the Week:

Courtesy of Extra Mustard on Cnnsi.com, what a solid pic…. Enjoy:

9.     “Deuces” of the week…….

You know how the “Deuces” works, so here they are……

·     Seattle Seahawks- Peace out, to be honest, you shouldn’t have been in the playoffs anyway….

·     Newton and Fairley- I don’t blame you, jump ship before the hammer comes down and make that cheddar in the NFL….

·     Sean McDermott- I’m not sure why or how, but you got the boot from the Eagles…. I know a hand full of teams that need to pick you up…..

·     Jose Canseco’s Brother- Ozzie, Jose’s brother, was busted for DUI this past weekend. Sucks bro…..

·     Brandi Favre- Yea, Brett’s sister was busted for having a meth lab in her house…. And you thought Brett was having problems recently…..

10.     THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10….

With the football season coming to an end, I felt  that this week’s Top 10 in the Top 10 would be a good way to put together my ultimate Defensive team. This team consist of the top 10 Defensive players in the league today, playing the positions they are best at. I know someone is going to disagree, so let me know who you would pick…..

DE- JULIUS PEPPERS- The dude is a freak of nature, and no one has a chance at stopping him. You may prevent him a time or two from getting to the QB, but in the end he is going to spank you.

DT- VINCE WILFORK- The man is a mountain, and comes to play every game. Sitting fat and pretty at 6’2’’, 325, it takes a dump truck to get his ass out of the running lane….

DE ROBERT MATHIS- He is smaller and quicker, but I think you need that opposite of Peppers. I love how quick his first step is, and love that fact that teams allow their practice squads to start off sides to simulate his speed…..

OLB- CLAY MATHEWS- When this kid hits you, your Mama feels it. He is nasty, and has that swagger everyone is a little scared of…..

ILB- PATRICK WILLIS- I think the guy has had 600 sacks in the past 3 season. It’s a shame he was taken after Jamal Anderson of the Falcons…..

ILB BRIAN URLACHER- He anchors a defense that is one of the best in the league. The guy just bleeds football…

OLB- JAMES HARRISON- Hey, anyone who has over $100,000 in fines for hitting people to hard, gets to start for my defense. I’m down with that 100%

CORNER- NNAMDI ASOMUGHA- He has been tucked away on a team that is shitty, so he doesn’t get a lot of publicity, but he is a star. Look for him next year, since he opted out of his contract and will be playing for someone else next year.

FS- ED REED- I’ll put up with the fact that he is usually hurt half of the season, because he is a ball hawk. The guy picks someone off twice a game, and always when it counts….

SS- TROY PALAMALU- He is getting a little older, but could you imagine having these two guys roaming around on the same defense together…. Good luck for that QB….

CORNER- DARRELLE REVIS- One word: SHUTDOWN. That sums it up. That’s what I got people…

Yea, I know it is 11 instead of 10, so Sue me……

As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.

Betty White Awards, Braves Talk and NFC Playoff Chatter

Well 2011 is upon us and lets cut right to the chase. These guys need a snickers and need it fast. Here we go:

1. Brett Favre: This really has nothing to do with his play, bc we all know that has sucked. Now your starting to hear the stories about how this guy is a creepy old man and obviously a big cheater. If this were 5-6 years ago I might think for a half second this wasn't completely true but after all the shit this guy has put everyone through with his "I'm retiring, no wait you've been punked" I hope he goes down like Frazier circa 1973. Peace out Brett
2. The Big Ten: I don't want to have to beat a dead horse here but can we stop with the Big Ten is good this year talk EVERY year. The Big Ten is a joke and should get their 1 BCS game then go play in the Pampers Bowl on December 21st. The fact that they had 5 New Years day bowls is laughable. They went 0-5 and got thumped in 3 of them. The Michigan schools faired very well. Michigan loses 52-14 to Miss. State and Michigan State got the elbow of death dropped on their nose by Alabama 49-7. And big whoop Ohio State beat Arkansas. I am not all that impressed with Arkansas and to be honest OSU almost blew their big halftime lead.
3. Dick Clark: I am sure this is going to come across about as jerkish as possible but I know I am not the only one thinking this so I will bite the bullet and go ahead and just say it. The dude doesn't need to be on Live TV anymore. He just had a stroke and well....it shows. I know I know, the dude is a legend and I'm an asshole. But you cant honestly tell me it was enjoyable watching him on the New years Eve bash when he was mumbling the whole time. Know when to hang it up.
4. South Carolina Football: Way to go! Get smoked by a Florida State team you should have beaten. Way to go Stephen Garcia you were responsible for another 4 turnovers. I don't know why I get mad bc this shit happens every year. "Wait until nest year." How about you take your tampon out and make a freaking play already. Absolutely NO EXCUSES next year as we have every major offensive weapon back.

The Atlanta Braves signed Yo momma is Uggla to a 5 year 62 million dollar contract. Now, at first glance you might say "why the hell did we pay a 2B 15 mill a year." Here's why...the guy averages around 30 HR's and 100 RBI's a year. You would be hard pressed to find another 2B other than Chase Utley that will give you those kind of numbers. So when you break it down that way he is worth every penny. You pay a guy like Derek lowe 15 million a year and he plays 1/5 days. Dan Uggla is a player and IMO is worth everything we paid him.

I will have this on the post for tomorrow in the Picking contest but wanted to let you hear it here first. Did you know the New Orleans Saints have never won a playoff road game?? That's right folks. The saints travel to Seattle for the first round of the playoffs. You heard it here first...THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS BEAT THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS ON SATURDAY!

The Best and Worst of the Atlanta Braves

So how about this for a slow Tuesday....I was sitting around thinking about the best players that have donned the Atlanta Braves uniforms. Conversely, I was laughing my ass off at some of the crappy players the Braves have had over the year. If they played only 1 year with the Braves it doesn't matter, they are eligible. These are people I have been told about or know about myself. Let me know what you think and leave a comment if you disagree:

The Best

Catcher: Joe Torre: Before Joe Torre became known as the leader of the Evil Empire, he was a catcher for the Atlanta Braves for 9 seasons. Over those 9 years he hit .290 with 142 HR's. The only other person who would be considered would be Javy Lopez but I give the nod to Torre.

1B: Fred McGriff: The Crime Dog donned the Atlanta Braves uniform from 1993-1997 and was a fixture in the middle of the Lineup. The guy might have stood 35 feet away from home plate when he hit but man could he turn around and inside pitch.

2B: Martin Prado: I know I know. How could I have a guy on the list who has only played a little over a year. I will tell you how. Mark Lemke was not very good and hes the only other guy I know who could possibly be on this list. Not to mention "Lemmer" might be the most annoying Braves announcer of All Time. I believe when all is said and done that Prado will be the best 2B the Braves ever had.

SS: Jeff Blauser: I have been trying to think of another good shortstop and this is all I can come up with. I actually named my first dog Blauser after my boy Jeff. Other than that he looked alot like the dude from Glee and his stats really aren't that great. However, he is probably the greatest SS to play for the Braves. I considered Furcal but I never had a dog named Rafael or Furcal so I didn't pick him.

3B: Chipper Jones: I know that Eddie Matthews also played 3B but you have to give the nod to Chipper. Chipper has incredible stats and has done it hungover 90% of the time. He gets extra points for that. But seriously, Chipper is a Hall of Famer and has done so playing his entire career in Atlanta.

LF: Dale Murphy: Again, I know Murphy played Center but I am trying to field the best team here. Murphy is probably the most recognizable Brave to the 35-50 clan in Atlanta. Murphy hit over 300 HR's and was only 2 short of 400 for his career. He had a stretch of 4 years where he hit 36,36,36 and 37 HR's in consecutive seasons and that's WITHOUT steroids. The Murph was a badass and I know with 100% certainty he made his rounds through the Atlanta night scene.

CF: Andruw Jones: Andruw Jones IMO could have gone down as one of the best CF's to EVER play the game. However, he got fat and lazy. When he was in his prime he was a machine. The earth is covered by 75% of water....Andruw covers the rest. He literally got to EVERYTHING that was hit. Lets not forget that he hit over 350 HR's as an Atlanta Brave in 12 seasons.

RF: Hank Aaron: The easiest choice on the list for obvious reasons. The guy swatted 755 HR's over his career. For being such a power hitter he has a career batting average of .305. Lets keep in mind this is all being done without the using of PED's. Hank Aaron has done more for the Atlanta Braves Franchise than any other player I can think of. The guy is a legend and deservedly so.

Bench:

Andres Gallarage
Javy Lopez
Eddie Matthews
Mark Lemke
Terry Penleton
David Justice
Rafael Furcal
Sid "the Dream" Bream
Francisco Cabrera

SP:

Phil Niekro: Never saw him pitch but from everything I hear he was great. All the fans seemed to love him and from everything I have read on the guy he was also a great guy.

John Smoltz: A sure fire HOFer who was an absolute gamer. Honestly, it would be hard to not pick him if I had to choose someone to go win me a game. The guy is a mans man also. Hes got a golf course in his backyard and when hes not dropping insight for TBS hes playing hoops.

Greg Maddux: Maddux was so consistantly dominating it was scary. He won 15 games a year for 15 straight years! I remember a game he pitched against the Astros where he gave up a first inning HR to Jeff Bagwell and that was the only baserunner he allowed the whole game. The guy could flat pitch and it easily one of the best pitchers to ever play the game.

Tom Glavine: Crafty Lefty basically describes Glavine. Im pretty sure he couldn't break glass but he could dissect a strikezone. Just another 300 game winner who would probably be the 3rd starter on this team.

Warren Spahn: I honestly dont much about Spahn but he could pitch. He is one of the best left handed pitchers to ever play the game.

RP:

Lefty Specialist: Mike Remlinger: There wasn't another lefty that I trusted with the game like Remlinger. He had that old school look to him where he was just going to beat you. No real overpowering pitch the dude just knew how to mix it up.

MR: Greg McMichael: The guy was a stud. He had that goofy delivery and much like Moylan: Australian for Sucks he was deadly against right handed hitting.

MR: John Rocker: aka Borderline Mental Patient. To say he is a little off his Rocker is an understatement. Name another person who in 2 sentences offended everyone in the state of NY and possibly the entire nation? Kenny Powers? Touche. Name another? You cant. Watching the guy go full sprint from the BP to the mound looked like something out of Braveheart.

MR: Gene Garber: 2nd on the all time saves list behind John Smoltz. I never saw Garber pitch but from what i have been told he was a player. Anytime you 2nd on the list and the guy in front of you is John Smoltz, you have done something right.

MR: Mark Wohlers: He throws straight cheddar. Would be awesome in spot coverage but could come in and dominate for an inning if need be.

CL: John Smoltz: Currently suing Kyra Sedgwick claiming, he is The Closer. Smoltz could do double time Starting and Closing with this team. When Smoltz used to come in it was over. Lights out. Take your children and leave. Go elsewhere. Peace.

The Worst

Catcher: Corky Miller: Is there another catcher anywhere in the Majors that is worse then this guy? The guy is so inept at the plate its laughable. I remember a game where he came up to hit and I was genuinely upset they didn't pinch hit Tim Hudson for him.

1B: Troy Glaus: Mr. American Logger. Is it a coincidence every time he swung AT&T phones got better reception? He only made 2 million in the 1 year he was with the Braves but he made twice that in endorsement deals with Quikrete and AT&T. Quikrete was his shoe sponsor. That explains the absolute lack of mobility he had.

2B: Pete Orr: I actually like Pete Orr because he played the game hard but the guy just wasn't very good. I mean lets be honest he had no power, hit for about .240 and was not very intimidating. I will say this though Orr's Oars was a hit with the fans. I saw one guy dress up like a canoe for a game.

SS: Rafael Belliard: The Latin Monster. Belliard was pretty damn good defensively but his hitting was atrocious. I remember when I was 9 I saw Belliard at Publix and I was taller than he was. I made up the nickname Latin Monster if you haven't figured that out yet.

3B: Troy Glaus: Seriously I cant think of another player that is easier to rag on that Glaus. Did you know Troy Glaus' bat weighs as much as your average dog? Also, his new show The Quikrete Zoom, sold 4 pairs last year. The raft Tom Hanks made in Castaway was not a bunch of trees...it was Troy Glaus' bat broken into smaller pieces.

LF: Greg Norton: The Anti Virus needs no introduction. When you think "Who is the only hitter who might be worse than Corky Miller" you instantly think of Greg Norton. I swear, the year we had him he would come up to bat and I would start crying. I don't think I ever saw him get a hit. He used to pop out and foul out in batting practice. He came up to bat in a game with 2 outs and everyone ran off the field thinking the inning was over.

CF: Rick Ankiel: The Nature Boy. Good ol Rick Ankiel. He did hit that massive HR against the Giants in the postseason and that's about all he did. Have you ever seen someone who literally cant hit a curveball the way Ankiel can? How many times did he swing and miss by over a foot. A friend of mine called me from Vegas and said they had a prop bet on the board for the number of times Ankiel would swing and miss by over a foot....the number that night was 4.5. Ankiel covered that in his first 2 at bats.

RF: Garrett Anderson: Have you ever seen a player give less effort than Anderson? Name another active player who has fought in 3 different wars? You can't. Anderson fought in the Korean, Vietnam and Gulf Wars. He was arrested for draft dodging the war of 1812. Hes an old man. Has got to be in his 90's by now. At least he looks that old.

Bench:

Brent Lillibridge
Julio Franco
Yunel Escobar...worst attitude I have ever seen
Eddie Perez....trying to pick up chicks in the BP in right..total knobber
Greg Olson
Ken Caminitti
Raul Mondesi

SP:

Kenshin Kawakami: "He is a great pitcher who throws 6 pitches!" This was all I heard about KK when we signed him. They didn't tell me that all 6 pitches would be thrown belt high and down the middle. The guy is a walking batting practice.

Jo-Jo Reyes: More Like Hugo Reyes because this guy is Lost. All I ever heard about him was he was this incredible lefty prospect. Everytime I saw him pitch it looked like Craig Yarbrough circa 2003. They didn't have any problems finding weapons of mass destruction when Jo-Jo was on the mound bc there were bombs everywhere.

Ed Brandt: Mr. brandt was a whopping 5-19 with a 5.00 ERA for the 1935 Boston Braves. Don't worry though hes not the only Boston Brave on the list.

Ben Cantwell: A whopping 4-25 as a starter in 1935. Again, no idea who these guys are but they have to make the list with records like that.

Mark Redmond: 0-4 with an 11.63 ERA and 13 K's in 21 2/3 innings. That's pretty much all you need to know. He was terrible and I think we demoted him after that and he went on to get even worse so we released him.

RP:

Chris Reitsma: Arguably the absolute worst reliever of all time. I cannot even remember how many games this guy blew. "Hes got the best stuff on the team". I heard that countless times from both McCann and Bobby about how great Reitsma was in the BP sessions. He was terrible. I went to a game once where the Braves were winning 8-3 in the 7th. Bobby calls on Reitsma. I stand up and shake everyones hand around me telling them its been fun but I have to go because we have now lost the game. Reitsma gives up a couple and loads the bases and the braves lose 11-9.

Blaine Boyer: The Street Magician donned the Atlanta uniform for a couple years. My friends and I came up with the clever nickname by stealing David Blaines occupation, with Boyers ability to make leads disappear. Hence the Street Magician. He threw pretty hard but it was a cock shot 99.9% of the time. Newsflash, professional hitters don't miss those.

Manny Acosta: Icostya the game blew a bunch of games for the braves over a year and a half stretch. He has a goofy motion and never has back to back good innings. He looks like Cy Young one outing then the next like a combo of the Street Magician and Reitsma.

Bob Wickman: The fat dude from the Brewers. Supposedly was a terrible clubhouse guy who was angry all the time. What the hell is he angry about? He is easily one of the top 5 guys in baseball who is in the worst shape yet he is an "athlete". He was making like 5 million a year for being a fat slob.

Dan Kolb:  So the other day I was bored and checking out some domain names on Go Daddy. I wanted to see if http://www.dbag.com/ was available. It said it was taken. I checked to see who owned it and it was Dan Kolb! I couldn't believe it. Actually I could. The guy is a total d bag and jerk. I'm glad he got shelled every outing. Peace be with you.

Picking Contest, Braves and Hawks Chatter, Skip Bayless really is dumb

After another dismal performance by myself I have to admit I am kind of glad that I don't really have to pick any college games this weekend! I am straight getting worked by pretty much everyone in the contest. We had some folks not submit some picks so I made an executive decision to give you all ZERO'S. However, since almost everyone didn't pick it actually made the contest extremely close. So step your game up and don't miss this week! **Bo I cant find your picks on facebook but I know you made them...**Here is where we stand:

	Wk1	Wk 2	Wk 3	Wk 4	Wk 5	Wk 6	Wk 7	Wk 8	Total
Jeffrey	5	6	7	0	0				18
Jason	5	6	4	0	0				15
Mary	4	5	6	0	0				15
Chris	3	4	4	0	4				15
Krieger	0	0	7	0	7				14
Bo	0	3	7	0					10
Pat	0	3	5	0	0				8
Gaddy	0	0	6	0	0				6

NFL: Taken from USA TODAY

• Navy (-8.5) vs. Army......Give me Army +8.5
• Atlanta (-7) @ Carolina......Dive me Da Falcons -7
• San Diego (-7) vs. Kansas City......Give me Da Chiefs +7
• Patriots (-3) @ Chicago......Give me Da Bears +3
• Philly (-3) @ The CowGirls......Give me Da CowGirls +3
• NY Jets (-5.5) vs. The Dolphins......Give me Da Jets -5.5
• NY Giants (-2) @ Minnesota......Give me Da Vikings +2
• Baltimore (-3) @ Houston......Give me Da Ravens -3
• GB (-6.5) @ Detroit......Give me Da Packers -6.5

Weekend Choices:

• The Tourist or Chronicles of Narnia......The Tourist
• McDonald's or Wendy's......I'm torn, but have to go with Wendy's
• Craps or Blackjack......Craps
• Snow Ski or Water Ski......Snow Ski
• Job Security or 2 week gig to earn the job of your dreams......2 week gig, Bro Big or Bro Home

The Atlanta Braves have quietly put together some nice moves this off season. Everyone knows about Dan "Yo momma is" Uggla, but they signed lefty George Sherrill yesterday to a 1 year contract. Now some of you fantasy owners might recognize Sherrill from his days with the Orioles and his consistent 25-30 saves with them. Sherrill is a very crafty, hard throwing lefty who has been with the Dodgers the last 2 years. His stats last year were NOT good. However, lefties only hit around .190 off him last year and I think this definitely bolsters our bullpen. Nice work Frank Wren. Now go get us some help in CF.

The Hawks have been playing some great ball over the last week or so including a very impressive win over the Orlando Magic in Orlando. It would be to easy to take shots at Joe Johnson since the Hawks look BETTER without him in the lineup. I have always been one to take shots so here we go. Joe Johnson is bad and ruins our offense. He isn't worth nearly what we are paying him and his stupid Iso offense is just that, stupid. Since he has gone down the Hawks are 5-1 and looking good doing so. Josh Smith has elevated his game as has Al Horford. I still wish the Hawks would have signed Raymond Felton and let Joe walk. Felton is having a great year in NewYork and who knows, maybe we could have convinced a big FA next year to come here. It is what it is and we are stuck with Joe and his indifferent attitude. I did want to give a big shout out to the Hawks as they have earned it. Keep up the good work while Joe is out because once he returns i for see a bunch of 5-19 nights from him like we have grown accustomed to.

Skip Bayless is really starting to push my buttons. The guy has the BIGGEST AGENDA against the Atlanta Falcons that I have ever seen. He said the Falcons were the 9th best team in the NFL. Are you on drugs? Just because the Falcons don't blow people out they are an average football team? Please. I honestly cannot understand how someone who consistently makes moronic comments continues to GET PAID by the four letter network. I would love to debate him and I am confident I would absolutely destroy him if given the chance. Its bad enough that ESPN favors the northeast and the Atlanta teams as a whole get no love but for him to sit there are continue to put the Falcons down when they have done nothing but win and beat some pretty damn good football teams is an embarrassment to sports talk. I'm sure he is only saying these things to push buttons and get people fired up but at some point it just makes you look stupid.

Happy Crappy Monday Volume 7.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 7.0 

The Thanksgiving Break is over, and now it’s on to counting down the Days until Christmas. This past weekend was an exceptionally good one for me, but I don’t know about the rest of you. Tons of things went down this weekend, and I’m going to do my best to recap what I think is the biggest moments of the weekend…..Happy Crappy Monday Morning Skeezers….

1.     I’ll accept your Apology Anytime Clemson……

First, let me begin by saying that anytime Clemson wants to call me and apologize, I’m willing to accept. My perfect prediction record comes to an end this past weekend, because I obviously game the Tigers too much credit. If you missed the prediction, A)Step your game up, and B) you can check it out by Clicking Here.

I tried to give the Tigers the benefit of the doubt, saying that they will put up 21 points. Well, other than a blown assignment by the South Carolina secondary, the Tigers couldn’t see the End Zone without Binoculars.

Yea, so they held the 18 year old Man-Child Laittimore under 100 yards Rushing. But how much credit can I actually give Clemson, considering Lattimore only carried the Ball 4 times in the second half. Why risk an injury to a Stud in a scrimmage?

I was right about thing this weekend. Alshon Jeffery yet again did his thing, in an “off night” for Jeffery, he pulled in 5 receptions, for 140 yards and a TD.

So Clemson, Text me, Email me, Hit me up on Facebook or Twitter, becauseI’ll be accepting apologies up until Thursday, at which point this matter is too small for me to worry about. Remember, the Gamecock Season isn’t over yet, we got a little thing called an SEC Championship to play for…..

2.     What a Weekend for College Football…..

I sat back and thought long on this, and I am going to say that this past weekend was the best college football weekend I have ever witnessed. I decided to take it easy Saturday night, and watch the Nevada vs. Boise State game. Turned out to be the best Football game I have ever watched. The game was an instant classic, and if you missed it, def. take some time to check it out.

3.     Stevie Johnson, you are Blaming the Wrong Person Bro….

So if you don’t know Stevie Johnson is, don’t worry you aren’t alone. But Stevie is about to become well known. The guy plays for the Buffalo Bills, in the NFL. Let me give you a quick recap on the Bills Season… They suck. But players still make Millions, and live a great life. Well, Johnson had a rough game yesterday. He dropped 5 passes, in a close game. But his 5^th drop was in the end zone for a game winning TD in OT. Here is who he had to Blame:

So you’re blessed with enough talent to make it to the National Football League. God has blessed you with a salary of $400,000 annually to play a GAME that you love. You need to check yourself Stevie, you’re messing with bigger issues than dropping a TD….

4.     The NEW Taylor Swift…..

I’m digging the new hair, keep it that way….

5.     Finally, the Boise State Talk is all Over….

I don’t want to take anything away from Nevada, they played a great game. But finally this game should put an end to all the critics who say that Boise State could hang week in and week out in the SEC. They have 2 tough games a year, and went 1-1 in those games. You can blame it on their place kicker if you want, but it wasn’t that guys fault. The fact is, you as a Boise State fan had made yourself delusional, thinking you were unstoppable. The funny part is during your tailgating Saturday; you were pulling for Bama to beat Auburn. But the fact of the matter is, the closest thing you’ll get to the BCS National Title game is sitting Indian style in front of your 42’ Plasma….

6.     Cortland Finnegan vs. Andre Johnson

If you missed this, it is a must see. Cortland Finnegan has gone on record saying he wants to be the dirtiest player in the game. What floats your boat Cortland, just be careful who you pick a fight with. Cortland pushed Andre to the limit Sunday, and Andre Johnson snapped. It is going to cost the guy a nice chunk of change, and maybe even a suspension. Number 1, shame on Andre for taking the bait, and getting ejected. On the other hand, there was only 7:00 minutes left in the 4^th Quarter, and Finnegan deserved a beating… Check it out.

7.     Auburn Jumps to Number 1 in the BCS

Is this supposed to be surprising? Auburn plays in the SEC. They have a tough game week in and week out. They have beat LSU, Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, and South Carolina already this season. They deserve to be Number 1. And besides, South Carolina would rather them be a Number 1 team. After all, the school is 3-0 this season when facing a Number 1 team…


8.     BIG Dilemma

Come on really, the North Carolina vs. Kentucky Basketball game is the Saturday of the SEC Championship game? It would be a perfect sports day, if I wasn’t going to the SEC game. But since I am, it looks like the tailgate spot has to be set up with Satellite in position before the 12:30 tip off. I know it is early, but let’s be honest, this is always a game to watch.

9.     Happy Anniversary Tiger Woods

On this day last year, you had just caught a beating from your extremely hot, but not too hot to cheat on apparently wife. You got busted for dropping non golf related Hole in One’s when on your weekend tournament trips. Although you say that things worked out all for the better, I can’t help but wonder why a guy making roughly $100 million a year wouldn’t think to open up a second cell phone line, or even put the PIN CODE on your Iphone? Unless you were purposely trying to get caught, you have to be one of the dumbest Bro’s around….

10.     The Top 10 in the Top 10

Here it is, dedicated to the faithful GAMECOCKS who will be traveling to the ATL this weekend: Here is the TOP 10 MUST VISIT BARS, RESTARUANTS, AND ESTABLISHEMENTS YOU MUST VISIT WHILE IN ATL…. 

1.     THE CLERMONT LOUNGE- It is odd, it is in the basement of a Hotel, and it CAN be the most fun you’ll ever have. The key to this place… make sure you are HAMMERED before you enter. The Lounge is where Strippers go to retire. Make sure you buy canned beer, and make sure you get your can crushed for a dollar between the Boobs of a certain Stripper…TRUE STORY

2.     THE TAVERN AT PHIPPS – Amazing Food, Amazing Atmosphere, Amazing scenery. A great spot for a nice dinner and a couple of drinks before you go out on the town. Dress classy, and don’t expect to order a PBR. Keep your eyes open, because along with the gorgeous wait staff, you might see a couple of celebs enjoying a meal.

3.     5 PACES ATLANTA- Do you like Hole in the Wall Bars? Cheap Drinks? A Great DJ? Look no further than 5 Paces Atlanta. Guaranteed to be packed every night, and expect to relive your college days. Make sure you Ask for Tribble, and make sure you tell him Jason Shannon Sent you…

4.     PINK PONY-The Ultimate in late night Gentlemen Entertainment. The daughters of the elite in ATL line the stage of the Pony each and every night. Expect to pay a $2 “Parking Fee”, a $10 entry Fee, and $10 dances all night. KEEP YOUR GAME TICKET THOUGH, ALL GENTLEMEN ESTABLISHMENTS IN ATL ALLOW FREE ENTRY WITH A GAMEDAY TICKET. You can thank the Gamecocks for yet again for making it to the SEC Championship game.

5.     JOHNNY’S HIDEAWAY – One word for this Bar “COUGAR”. That’s right boys, all the Cougars you can ask for. Be prepared to walk in the bar and literally feel like a piece of meat. Go late night, doesn’t start to become fun until 1:45ish. Be sure to check with Butch for drinks, has a very heavy hand! And fellas, you should be ashamed of yourself for having no game if you have to open a tab.

6.     THE IVY –I Have already reviewed this place last Monday, but I recommend hitting it up. I myself will be there Friday night. Great Music, Damn good Scenery, and Talent. Dress it up, this ain’t the redneck bar down the street.

7.     FADO IRISH PUB- A great Irish pub right down town. Make sure to get there early, this is more of a Pre-Game, first drink kind of place. Also, the secret to this place is the upstairs rooftop Bar. It is on the third floor, but don’t worry, there are Bathrooms, Couches, Fireplaces, and TV’s up there. A nice spot to start the night off.

8.     EAST ANDREWS ATLANTA- A great atmosphere, almost like a small city inside a large building. There are multiple different bars inside, with the option to listen to live acoustic, or party in the courtyard to a DJ. Check it out, and enjoy.

9.     SHOUT& TWIST- Both places are Tapas Bars, with great food and drinks. Make sure you check out the Sushi menu, it is on point.

10.     STATS- If you don’t have a ticket to the game, there is a sports bar walking distance from The Dome. It has a great rooftop, and tons of TV’s. Also has your own personal beer tap on your table. BUT BE WARNED, taps are pressure sensitive. They charge you each time you touch the thing, TRUST ME.

Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.