Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 10.0
By: J-Shannon
It’s Christmas time people…. You have to love this time of year. You go to work on time, but only do about 60% of what you normally would do. No one gets work done over the next couple of weeks. People are planning family time, what they are doing for Christmas, and searching for some last minute Christmas gifts. What better way to kick off Christmas then with a Happy Crappy Monday Morning, the Christmas edition. Enjoy…..
1. Dirty Birds Flying High –
12-2. Man that sounds good. I’ll admit, I was extremely skeptical about Matt Ryan being drafted when he did. But what the hell do I know? I think this team is special. They are good, but not great. They are confident, not cocky. They get things done the hard way, by pounding the ball with Turner and Snelling, and wearing down the defense. Matt Ryan doesn’t try and force plays, he just takes what the defense gives him. It is amazing how much better your team plays when you have third and short situations, as opposed to third and long. It seems every time the Falcons have third down this season, it is only 3 or 4 yards to go. This team is special. This team has an opportunity to do something special…. How big is that Monday night football game at the Dome against the Saints going to be? Does home field advantage throughout the playoffs mean anything to you?
2. MV7 = MVP
Look, I know Tom Brady is a stud. I know his numbers are unreal. I know he is going to go down as one of the best Quarterbacks ever. But if you took him away from that team, would there be that much of a fall off? Yea, they wouldn’t have gone 12-2, but I think it’s safe to say they would have made the playoffs. Now, take Michael Vick away from the Eagles. You’re talking a completely different team. The guy is single handily leading the Eagles to the playoffs on fire. Their O-Line is shaky; doesn’t matter, Vick breaks a tackle or 2 and scrambles for 40 yards. Maclin and Jackson are killing it lately, because they have a guy with an arm that can use their speed to his advantage. This team is hot, and is being led by a guy who has completely changed from the player and person he was 3 years ago. I’ll put it to you this way, I’m excited to see how far the Falcons go into the playoffs, but I damn sure don’t want to have to play MV7 or the Eagles.
3. All the Miami Heat and King James Haters, where Did you Go?
You know it is funny, the Heat lose a couple of games, and everyone thinks it was a huge mistake for King James to “Take his Talents” to Miami. Well, the Heat is starting to get their shit together. They have won 12 in a row. Actually, they haven’t lost a game this month, and it’s the 20th of the month. The more time that Wade and King James spend together on the court, the better this combination is going to get. If you were hating on the Heat, and talking about how this combination wasn’t going to work out, then you might want to consider hating on some other team…..
4. The Town – Solid Flick
I had a chance to lie around on the couch Sunday night, and decided to switch it up from my normal routine. Normally, it’s a night to get my column together, and watch Faith Hill kick off Sunday Night Football. But this Sunday, I decided to watch The Town. Great flick, I highly recommend checking it out. I’m normally not a Ben Affleck fan, but he rocked it in this movie. Anytime you have a movie that’s action packed, involves a bank robbery or 2, and somehow finds a way to incorporate a professional sports team, it’s going to be a winner. This movie is a solid Bro flick…
5. 57th Fighter Group Restaurant Review…..
You know how it works, I rank based on the following categories: Atmosphere, Talent Level, Cheddar Factor, Drink Accessibility, and Playlist.
· Atmosphere 9….. This place is great and unique. The restaurant is a themed restaurant, with the feeling of eating on a military base. From the military cars in the parking lot, to the guard gate at the entrance, to the sandbags on the walls, it really gives the feel of a military base. Also, don’t expect to hear music while in the bathroom, instead plan to hear famous war generals giving motivational speeches.
· Talent Level 6…. One word, COUGAR! Cougars are on the prowl at this place. Keep your eyes peeled, and be prepared, because you will get hit on.
· Cheddar Factor 7…. It’s a little on the high side, but it is nicer than your ordinary restaurant. The food was amazing. I recommend getting a steak. Also, if you are on active duty, just bring an ID. It is free, as a thanks for your service.
· Drink Accessibility 8…. The place is a pretty good sized restaurant. There are multiple bars, and cocktail waitresses everywhere. I didn’t have any problem getting a drink in this place.
· Playlist 6….. Yea, they had a DJ for the dance floor. But their music selection was a little more suited for the Cougars in the bar than anyone else. It is a little old school. Don’t expect to hear anything from the 2000 era.
· FINAL SCORE = 36…. Translation: Check it out. It is definitely worth the atmosphere, at least once. Also, if you have anyone from the WWII Era, I’m told they have to go, because it is a solid reminder of the past.
6. DeSean Jackson made the Giants his Bitch….
This won’t take long. Hey Giant fans, how did that make you feel? Look, 14 seconds left in the game, there should not be a remote chance that that punt lands anywhere close to in bounds. It’s that simple. Mr. Coughlin, there is a guy in North Carolina right now, and his name is Bill Cowher. He is preparing to put the old whistle around his neck again, and get back into Coaching in the NFL. That kick off your punter’s foot might as well have been your job if you don’t win the Super Bowl this year……By the way, if you missed it, here it is…..
7. The NFL
Watch the clip below. You mean to tell me that Tyler Brayton gets fined 15k for that hit and the poor JETS assistant who makes about 80k gets popped for 25k?? Cmon Goodell this is embarrassing. Not only should Tyler Brayton be suspended, Curtis Lofton should take him out back and beat his ass. Have a look see:
8. Get the Resume’s Ready, Vacancies Everywhere after Christmas
Come January, there are going to be multiple coaching jobs open in the NFL. Hell, so far there are already 3, with the Cowgirls, Broncos, and the Vikings open. But in my eyes, there are going to be a few more. Keep an eye on the Texans, who seem to add talent ever year but remain mediocre. The Titans, who look like they are going to make the stupid decision to choose Vince Young over Jeff Fischer. The Panthers, although who wants that job. The Giants, just because New York doesn’t put up with the type of crap that happened yesterday. (See #6). Other possibilities include Jacksonville and San Fran. Bad news for you Atlanta fans, don’t be surprised if your Offensive Coordinator is a head coach somewhere else next year.
9. Greinke= From Shittiest to Just Shitty
Just a quick Congrats to Zack Greinke, you left the really shitty team you have been playing for, and now play for just a Shitty team. Congrats.
10. The Top 10 in the Top 10…….
Oh the Top 10. This week is special; it is the Christmas top 10. But the top 10 Christmas movies have been done, so I decided to switch it up a bit. I did the Top 10 Dysfunctional family members in a Christmas movie. Enjoy, and don’t act like you don’t have any of these family members in your family.
1. UNCLE EDDIE – Christmas Vacation: Possibly my favorite Christmas Character of all time, How could you have a dysfunctional family without Uncle Eddie? Showing up in his horrible RV, with his dog Snots, Eddie somehow charms you into liking him. Everyone has an uncle Eddie in their family.
Favorite Quote: “Shitter was full Clark!”
2. BUZZ MCCALLISTER – Home Alone: What a great older brother. Buzz was that annoying older brother who did anything he could do to get on your nerves. The fact that he ate an entire pizza just to piss his younger brother off is priceless. The downside to Buzz, his girlfriend…. WOOF.
Favorite Quote: “No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.”
3. MR. PARKER- A Christmas Story: Don’t act like you don’t watch this movie at least twice when it is on for 24 hours on TBS. One of the best movies of all time in my book, Mr. Parker reminds everyone of their own father in one way or another. You have to love the old man, complaining about the neighbors dogs, loving his leg lamp, and having his special ways of fixing the problems in the house.
Favorite Quote: “What is a lamp, you nincompoop? It's a Major Award. I won it!”
4. Dr. NEIL MILLER (Step dad)- The Santa Clause- Tell me you remember the Santa Clause? Tim Allen was great, but my favorite character in that movie was the Stepfather, Neil. Why? I want just one of those phenomenal sweaters’ he used to wear. They were better than anything Mr. Cosby use to wear.
Favorite Quote: “All I ever wanted for Christmas was an Oscar Meyer Weiner whistle.”
5. BUDDY THE ELF- ELF: I know he isn’t a family member in a movie, but how can you have a Christmas list without adding Buddy.
Favorite Quote:” I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands”
6. UNCLE FRANK- Home Alone: Everyone has the annoying cheap uncle in the family. Uncle Frank is that uncle. He doesn’t let you watch the good movies, and treats you like a child. Uncle Frank was an ass.
Favorite Quote: “Look what you did you little Jerk”
7. AUNT BETHANY- Christmas Vacation: What a sweet old lady. She is deaf, and wraps her cat up as a gift. Every line she has in the movie is priceless. From the moment she is suppose to say the Blessing, and actually says the Pledge of Allegiance, to the part where she hears the squirrel. Everyone loves Aunt Bethany.
Favorite Quote: “Oh Dear, did I break wind?”
8. DENVER AND DALLAS MCVIE- 4 Christmases: Everyone has those siblings they want to just pound. Well Denver and Dallas McVie are training for the UFC so no dice when Brad rolls in for Christmas.
Favorite Quote: "Hey Brad, lick my gonads."
9. SCOTT CALVIN- The Santa Claus: What happens when you accidentally kill Santa Claus? You become him. Your boy Scott Calvin has got some serious stories to tell at his sons Career Day.
Favorite Quote: "We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liqour, played with my shot guns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women..."
10. THE KID- Bad Santa: Seriously his name in the movie is The Kid. Everyone knows that chubby kid who has the cheeks that look like they are going to explode. This is that kid.Favorite Quote: "It's a wooden pickle."
Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. Special shout out to Meghan McClamb for the help on the top 10. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.
