Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 11.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 11.0

By: J-Shannon

Happy exceptionally Crappy Monday Morning to all of you loyal Bro Nameth Followers. It is 2011, and the first Crappy Ass Monday of the year. Lots of good stuff went on over the Holidays: some coaches got canned, some teams stepped up in big games, and some people went to jail. All in all, it was an epic Holiday season, and I will do my best to catch everyone up on what went down over the past couple of weeks. I myself had one of the best two weeks a guy can ask for. I got to do some traveling, saw some family, went to the Gator Bowl, and soaked in some warm Florida Sun.  So here it is boys and girls, enjoy a jam packed edition of Happy Crappy Monday Morning.

1.       7 Birds invited to the Pro Bowl, Sorry but they Ain’t Coming…….

Congrats to the Falcons for leading the league in players who were voted to the Pro Bowl. Roddy White, Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, John Abraham, Ovie Mughelli, Tony Gonzalez, and the do everything man Eric Weems. Unfortunately, they birds are going to have to pass on the opportunity to play in Hawaii. The game is actually played the week before the Super Bowl, and the birds have their targets set on playing in Dallas.  There is one thing that I am a little upset about though. Can we not give some love to a couple of the BIG NASTY’s on the O-Line? For the past three years, Turner and Snelling have been churning out hundreds of yards behind a solid group of O-linemen. I think it is time for guys like Clabo and Dahl to get a little love…..

2.       Big Ten, way to Blow…

So we are right in the middle of the College Football Bowl Season, maybe the NCAA Should have let the Big Ten know about it. They have looked absolutely horrible over the past couple of weeks. The Big Ten were scheduled to play in 5 games on New Year’s Day, however all they really did was put on uniforms and go through the motions. The Michigan Team actually had to stand up on the plane ride home because of the Ass kicking Mississippi State handed to them. Speaking of beat downs, Michigan State competed about as well as Georgia State against Alabama. At one point Saturday, Michigan and Michigan State were down 86-7. Wisconsin gave it a good effort, but TCU handled their business in the Rose Bowl. Urban Meyer won his last game with Florida against Penn State. And out in the TicketCity Bowl, (wherever the hell that is) Texas Tech topped Northwestern. Way to Represent BIG TEN……

3.       So long Rich Rod….

Speaking of the Gator Bowl, it looks like Rich Rodriquez may have coached his last few plays for the Wolverines. I had the luxury of sitting on the 50 Yard Line, Club level; to enjoy what I was hoping would be a good game. I know you’re jealous; you don’t have to hide it. So I thought I was going to see a good game, well what I got to witness was Rich Rod literally helping himself get the boot. On the first drive of the game, Michigan marched down 85 yards for 7 points. Mississippi State answered with a similar drive. But after the first two drives, something really interesting happened. Miss. State head coach Dan Mullen proved why he is going to be a great head coach, and Rich Rod proved why he is subpar. Dan Mullen made some adjustments, and kept Michigan in check the remainder of the game. What adjustments did Michigan make? Not a single one from the looks of it, as Mississippi State walked the ball up and down the field the entire game. But if that wasn’t bad enough, what happened right before the First Half ended should be the ultimate decision maker on his job status. Michigan has the ball on their 20, down 17-7, with 54 seconds to go in the half. Run the clock out? No, let’s try and launch one down field. The end result, interception and 7 points for Mississippi State…..So Long Richie……

4.       Possibly the Best and Most Epic Commercial Ever….

I have laughed over and over this past week at this amazing commercial. Yes, it is real, and Yes, it is a legit business….trust me, this will be one you watch over and over….

               

5.       Way to Show Up as Usual South Carolina…..

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this topic, for 2 reasons. Number 1, I didn’t watch much of the game because of New Year’s festivities. And Number 2, I feel like I’m beating a dead horse. It is really simple with South Carolina: No Lattimore, No Offense! Florida State lays the smack down on Lattimore early in the game, and that’s all she wrote. The first play I actually watched Friday night was Garcia rolling out of the pocket, and lobbing one up in the end zone for a pick…. After that, I decided to focus on the ball dropping, and starting the Ol Gamecock saying…. “Wait til Next Year.”

6.       If you are going to Suck, GO ALL OUT….

Here is another great video, courtesy of Rupert Pupkin. This video made the Number 1 Video of the year on the 4 letter Network’s SportsNation, and I will admit is phenomenal. I like the desire, the heart, and the determination to finish the race, regardless if he was going to win or not….. please take a look, and enjoy…..

               

7.       Drunk obnoxious FSU fans....

      So Jason is going to let me steal one of his top 10's for this week. I went to the Chick-Fil-A bowl on New Years Eve which pitted South Carolina against FSU. Now don't get me wrong when I was in school (and even now) I get really into the games and talk some trash but I wouldn't sit there and talk shit the WHOLE game and yell at people's families. This one guy was just out of control. It should not go unmentioned that he was wearing skinny jeans and no I am not joking. Every play he would turn and do the stupid chop followed by some kind of ridiculous remark. As the game was drawing to a close another gentleman who was intoxicated started screaming at the South Carolina section. A few Gamecock ladies took offense and decided to handle it themselves.

     "Go to bed asshole you suck at life!"

     "Why don't you go blow the guy in the skinny jeans !"

Now there are a few things here I want to say

1. No dude should ever wear skinny jeans. I don't care if your the biggest bad ass on the planet. No other man should ever have to see another guy in jeans that look like they have been painted on. I don't care if Tim Gunn says they look good. Take it from me they don't.
2. Shout out to the females not taking lip from anyone. This is why the SEC has the best fans in College Football. You got women talking ish to obnoxious drunk fans of opposing teams. Not only were they talking trash but they were cognizant to the fact that one of the trash talkers was wearing skinny jeans and knew that this broke BRO code and called him on it. I was proud.

8.       Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

I watched this instead of the Fiesta Bowl because well...UCONN sucks. Quality flick centered around the financial crisis and the collapse of the economy. Gordon Gecko is a certifiable BRO and bad ass. "Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel."

9.       “Deuces” of the week……. 

The Section dedicated to the group of people who will be throwing up their “Deuces” as they leave, quit, or get fired an organization………

-          John Fox- It was a good run for you, but you’re time has come to an end in Carolina. You’ll get picked up somewhere…..

-          Mike Haywood- Boy, did his December go from awesome to Shitty in 3 week span. The man gets hired from Miami of Ohio, and takes over a pretty decent Pittsburgh job. However, after being busted for Domestic Violence, he was immediately fired….. Damn he is having a good year.

-          Brett Favre- For F$%K’s Sake, just go to Mississippi and stay there…..

-          DeAngello Williams, OCHO CINCO, Steve Smith…. It looks like some big name players are probably not going to be playing with their respective teams next season. Look for these players to be rocking new jersey’s next season…..

-           Eric Mangini....One of the worst coaches in the NFL. Peace be with you.

10.   THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10….

It’s Top Ten in the Top Ten time, and this week’s topic is a personal favorite. I have had the opportunity to travel to many different sports facilities in the country. This week’s Top Ten in the Top Ten is the Best Sports facilities I have had the opportunity to visit and see a game…..Enjoy…..

1.       MADISON SQUARE GARDEN- I saw the Knicks battle the Bulls back in the day, what a great and Historic Venue…

2.       DAYTONA INTERNATIONAL SPEEDWAY- Yes, I know it is NASCAR, but I have been there a couple of times, and the place is crazy. Such a great event to go and spend a couple of days and just people watch…

3.       YANKEE STADIUM- The House that Ruth Built, I’m not a Yankees fan at all, but you have to appreciate the history that is in this place. I’m glad I actually go to go to the old Stadium, with all of its Historic value….

4.       TURNER FIELD- Yes, it is where the Braves call Home. The best value in sports in my opinion, you can literally buy a ticket from STUBHUB.COM for $2, and walk in the park and gain access to the Chop House in Right Field. I made somewhere around 20 games this year….

5.       DEATH VALLEY- Yes I hate Clemson with a passion, but you have to appreciate the Tiger Fan’s passion for the sport. Death Valley is a great place to see a game. Make sure you get there early, and be sure to stop by The Esso Club after the game for some good times….

6.       BRISTOL MOTOR SPEEDWAY- One of the wildest trips I have ever been on, be sure if you are going to make a NASCAR race at all in your lifetime, make it this Track. To maximize the fun, take a group of your buddies, and rent an RV for the weekend. This place was a nonstop party from Friday until Sunday night…

7.       THE SWAMP- I have seen a lot of football games in my day, but this is the loudest stadium I have ever been to. Had the opportunity to see the Gamecocks battle Florida and come up short in an awesome 16-15 game. The bar scene in Gainesville is awesome as well….

8.       CHURCHILL DOWNS- The Kentucky Derby. That is all that has to be said. Dress to Impress, and prepare to have an epic afternoon. Such a wonderful atmosphere and a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon….

9.       THE GATOR BOWL- It is a trip I have had the luxury of attending every year for the past 14 years, but it is always a good time. It is great to go to a bowl game where you don’t really care who wins, and you can sit back and enjoy a solid weekend. Make sure to head to the Jacksonville Landing for your New Year’s festivities…..

10.   WILLIAMS BRICE STADIUM- Of course I had to save the best for last. This place offers tailgating at its finest. If there is a 7:00 kickoff, expect to be at the game with drink in hand by 9:00 AM. If you are really looking for a good time, head over to Stadium Place and listen to loud music, or hop on a Cock-A-Boose for a hell of a time….

As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.

Falcons vs. Saints Recap...The NFL rules are wack

The Falcons hosted the Saints in what was the biggest home game in Atlanta Falcons history. With a win the Falcons lock up the division and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. The Saints on the other hand needed a win to secure their spot in the playoffs. The Dome was rocking and definitely had a playoff atmosphere. My take on the game:

Quarterback: C-

• Matt Ryan was pretty dreadful all night. Multiple times it looked like the pressure was getting to him and he wasn't setting his feet and making strong accurate throws. He completed only 15/29 for 148 yards and a score. For as bad as he played we still had a chance to win which is a sign that this is not the Falcons of old.

Running Backs: D

• Michael Turner for 99% of the night was http://www.nonexistant.com/MIA . He had 48 yards on 17 carries for a measly 2.8 average and a COSTLY turnover at the goal line. I will not jump all over Turner since that is his first fumble in a year and a half or so. Its imperative that the Falcons get Turner going. When Turner runs the ball well the Falcons almost never lose. Now you have to give the Saints some credit but the Offensive Line needs to man up and grab a snickers. Starting to look like a bunch of Betty White's out there.

Wide Receivers: C+

• Roddy White had an average day with 5 catches for 43 yards and a score. I thought they needed to try and get the ball to Roddy more but I know you cant just lock in on 1 receiver. I was surprised Tony Gonzalez wasn't targeted more. With the way the saints were stuffing the run you would think the down field passing game would be more open but it wasn't. Michael Jenkins had some nice catches and caused the pass interference in the end zone that was fumbled away by Michael Turner.

Defense: A+

• The defense was outstanding! Drew Brees completed some passes but his yards per attempt for 3 quarters were under 5. We consistently got pressure on Brees and made him have to move of his spot which was a goal of Mike Smiths going into the game. We forced 2 turnovers one of which was returned for a touchdown by Chauncy Davis and the other was an incredible pick by Jon Abraham in which he he could have taken it to the house if it wasn't for Drew Brees making the tackle.

Overall: C

• For the offense to play as poor as they did and still have a chance to win the game you have to be somewhat pleased with that. I am very very happy with the way the defense played and in a way I am glad that we lost. A friend of mine brought up a good point that is is very difficult to beat a team 3 times in a year and had we won last night more than likely we would see the Saints again in a few weeks right back at the Dome. The Dome from what I could tell was rocking and that is the kind of crowd we need at EVERY home game. Once we dismantle the Panthers next week we will earn our bye and home field throughout the playoffs. RISE UP!

I have a quick beef with the NFL and their rules committee that I would like to pick real quick. What is the point of instant replay if it cant be used when it is needed most?? Someone explain the logic to me that under 2 minutes a review can only come from the booth but only certain plays cant be reviewed. Last night Pierre Thomas was down a yard back from where the ref spotted the ball. Since the spotted ball was still an inch short of the first down, it could not be reviewed. Let me get this straight. You have a review system that 1000000000% shows his knee down a full yard back YET you go with the spot of the ref who is watching the game in real time?? Oh and because it wasn't a first down its not reviewable?!?!?! Get a clue already. There is going to be a time where something like that happens at an absurdly critical time in a huge game and the NFL is going to look like a bunch of morons when they have to explain themselves to an entire fan base why its not a reviewable play. Whats the point of having a review system if you are going to let certain plays be reviewed and let others stand that are wrong?

Happy Crappy Monday......Volume 11.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 11.0

By: J-Shannon

Christmas has come and gone, and it’s now time to look forward to the New Year’s Eve weekend, and big Bowl Games. I myself will be in Jacksonville, FL, for the Gator Bowl. I’m going to watch Mississippi State battle with the Wolverines of Michigan. Personally, I don’t care who wins the game, as long as it is a good game, with some good Weather, and a couple of ice cold Brews.  

1.       Monday Night Football Countdown

It’s another Monday Night, and that means there is another game on Monday Night Football. Normally, I would watch the game no matter who is playing, but this game is an exceptionally large football game. The Dirty Birds are battling their arch rival Saints, with the opportunity to win the division. Even if the birds lose tonight, they will have an opportunity to wrap up the division next week against the pathetic Panthers. But I think by winning tonight, the Birds would be making a solid statement, a statement saying they are the team to beat this year in the NFC. I’m hoping the Dome is packed and rocking, and hoping that the fans of the Birds are preparing themselves for some playoff football! Let’s make a statement, and make it possible to rest a couple of starters next week.

2.       Blizzard up and Down the East Coast

Did we get a white Christmas in the South East? Well not really, but we did get a day after Christmas snow storm. It was nice to see the family out playing in the snow, and having a good time. I’m actually surprised, usually the South East panics when there is a snow storm. It didn’t seem to crazy this year. My home town ended up with about 4 inches, which isn’t too shabby…..

3.       Deuces Tom Coughlin…

Coach Coughlin, go ahead and start sending your Thank You Cards out. Here is a little suggestion as to what his Thank you cards might look like…..

Dear Eli- Thank you for continually throwing pick after pick. Those 2 turnovers a game sure do help your team get a head start on the opponent.

Dear Matt Dodge- For Christmas, we should have got you a hearing Aid. If I’m not mistaken, I told you to your face not to kick the ball to DeSean Jackson. Thanks for not only kicking it to him, but kicking a line drive to give him plenty of time to see the field and pick and choose his way to the end zone.

Dear Brandon Jacobs- You have one main job on the team: Hold the football, and run with it. How about in the off season, work on part one. HOLD THE FOOTBALL. Thanks.

Dear Justin Tuck and the Rest of the D- Thanks for nothing. Although you have the reputation for being a tough D that knocks out opposing QB’s, you got scorched for 45 points against the Packers Sunday afternoon. Not only did you possibly cost the team the playoffs, but you may have also cost me my job. I think it is only fair for you to pay the $21.95 monthly membership fee for the Gold Membership to Monster.com for me, so that I can post my resume….

So Tom, when you received your pink slip and are about to head out the door, throw up your “Deuces” because you should be a little bit bitter. You would think your team would give you a little more effort on their part to help not only save the team’s season, but also save your job.  

4.       24 Hours of A Christmas Story…

Possibly one of the best Idea’s ever. In my household, when Christmas Eve rolls around, 24 Hours of a Christmas Story is on constantly. I honestly feel like I have seen it over 100 times, but when the movie is on in our living room, that’s how I know it is Christmas time.

5.       LeBron wins the first Battle, but Kobe will win the War…

Congrats LeBron and crew, you did your thing on Christmas Day. You took down the Lakers. But it was just one game. I hate to tell you, but if you want to win the ship, you have to beat the Lakers 4 out of 7 times. That’s assuming you get past the Celtics and the Magic. By the way LeBron, keep away from Ron Artest. What were you thinking getting in your little scuffle with him? That dude is from the Bronx, and would beat you down faster than you can say “What should I Do?”

6.       To Catch a Predator, best Show Ever….

If it is late night, and you cant sleep, or if you are feeling bad about yourself and need a moral boost, change it to MSNBC and check out “To Catch a Predator.” This show is priceless. What better people to make fun of than a 46 year old married man, who is chatting about sex to a 13 year old child. I love when the loser shows up at the door, with a 12 pack of “Mikes Hard Lemonade” and some condoms. When the host, Chris Hanson, asks the predator what he is doing at the little girl’s house, the usual reply is something along the lines of: “we were just going to hang out, or we def. weren’t going to have sex.” It makes it even better when the host reads the transcript from the online chat. Check it out if you have nothing better to do, it will def. make you feel better about yourself.

7.       A look back at the 2005 NFL Draft

Let’s take a trip down memory lane, to the 2005 NFL Draft. Why the 2005 draft? Well I was watching a game this weekend and it reminded me of the 2005 draft. Think back to who was picked first that year….. You remember? Alex Smith was taken first by the 49ers. They had a choice between him and a guy named Aaron Rodgers, and chose Smith…. Sucks to be the 49ers. It goes to show you that knowing the draft class inside and out is so vitally important to an organization. Some teams get it (Falcons and Patriots) and some teams don’t (Lions and 49ers).

8.       TUESDAY night Football…. Yea I’ll take it…..

So the Blizzard in the North East did do one thing, it rescheduled Sunday night’s game to Tuesday. That works for me, as it looks like I’ll watch NFL games Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday of this week. Hey, no complaints here, the more NFL the better in my book By the way, it will be an Eagles Beat down over old man Favre and the Vikings….

9.       Reality TV…

OK, I am willing to admit I am a sucker for some reality TV. I’ve got a few shows I have been watching lately that I need to pass along….

-Auction Kings-Filmed a block from my house in ATL, follows an auction gallery. Pretty Solid.

-Pawn Stars- Filmed out in Las Vegas, following the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop.

-Storage Wars- Follows guys who buy Storage Units not knowing what’s inside in order to make   $$$

 -Swamp People- Follows Hillbillies in the Swamps in Louisiana as they hunt for Gators.

10.   THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10….

In honor of Number 7 above, we have a unique Top 10 this week. Sometimes teams find gold in the first round of the draft, and some teams are lucky enough to find gold in the 6^th and 7^th rounds. Here is a top 10 list of NFL Players who went UNDRAFTED in the Past 10 YEARS…..

2010- LEGARRETTE BLOUNT-Oregon- The verdict is still out, but it looks like so far Blount is the guy teams are wishing they would have looked at a little harder. Of course his punching a guy in the face post game incident is ultimately why he was passed up, but the Bucs are sure enjoying his hard nosed running…..

2009- ARIAN FOSTER- Tennessee- Who knew an undrafted RB who had a mediocre college career would be starting in front of a guy named Steve Slayton. Foster has killed it all year for the disappointing Texans, and looks to be their back for the next few years. Keep in mind they are paying him next to nothing for all of this work, because he went undrafted.

2008- BENJARVUS GREEN-ELLIS- It is no surprise that the Patriots discovered an undrafted gem. The team has been the model franchise for the past 10 years. They are known for finding guys who fly under the radar, but deliver on the field.

2007- PIERRE THOMAS- Illinois- What has this undrafted RB done for the Saints? Only lead them to the Super Bowl and helped win the game. Thomas has been a nice compliment to Reggie Bush, doing the bulk of the heavy carrying up the middle.

2006- MILES AUSTIN- Monmouth State- It took a couple of years for this one to develop, but Miles has turned into the big play threat for the Cowboys. The guy Is on a team with 2 First Round receiver picks, yet is the Number One guy.

2005- Joshua Cribbs- Kent State- Ask any casual football fan to name a player that plays for the Cleveland Browns, and the majority of people can only name Joshua Cribbs. I actually feel bad for him for being found by the horrible Browns. The guy needs to finish out that contract and get out of their ASAP….

2004 WES WELKER- Texas Tech- I know what you are thinking, another good find by the Patriots. Actually no, the Chargers found Welker, but somehow let him go to New England. Welker is the ultimate possession receiver, slashing up opponents defenses left and right. You don’t think he is valuable, look at Brady’s numbers with him and without him…..

2003 ANTONIO GATES- Kent State- Another Kent State player, Gates has been one of if not the best TE in the past 5 years. Phillip Rivers uses the guy as his security blanket. The man will catch anything thrown in his vicinity, and blocks with the best of them….

2002 JAMES HARRISON- Kent State- I have learned 2 things in doing this list. Number 1, the 2002-2006 Kent State team had some studs playing for them. Number 2, if you are looking for some hidden gems, check Kent State. If you watch Sportscenter, Harrison is no one new to you. He is the guy who gets fined weekly for lighting people up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. The man can flat out play linebacker.

2001 ANTONIO PIERCE- Arizona- Antonio was the rock in the middle of the Defense that lead the New York Giants to the Super Bowl. Yea he is out of the league now, but he was one of the best LB’s in the NFL for about 8 solid years.

2000 SHAUN O’HARA- Rutgers- Look at the Giants doing it again. Shaun O’Hara is a stud who to this day anchors the O’Line for the Giants. The man goes to Pro Bowls like it is mandatory in his contract. What a steal for the Giants.

I will be adding the "Non Bro" of the week. This goes to someone who no matter what they do from here on out will never be a Bro no matter what because of something that has happened in the past. This weeks award goes to this guy:



As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.

The Best and Worst of the Atlanta Braves

So how about this for a slow Tuesday....I was sitting around thinking about the best players that have donned the Atlanta Braves uniforms. Conversely, I was laughing my ass off at some of the crappy players the Braves have had over the year. If they played only 1 year with the Braves it doesn't matter, they are eligible. These are people I have been told about or know about myself. Let me know what you think and leave a comment if you disagree:

The Best

Catcher: Joe Torre: Before Joe Torre became known as the leader of the Evil Empire, he was a catcher for the Atlanta Braves for 9 seasons. Over those 9 years he hit .290 with 142 HR's. The only other person who would be considered would be Javy Lopez but I give the nod to Torre.

1B: Fred McGriff: The Crime Dog donned the Atlanta Braves uniform from 1993-1997 and was a fixture in the middle of the Lineup. The guy might have stood 35 feet away from home plate when he hit but man could he turn around and inside pitch.

2B: Martin Prado: I know I know. How could I have a guy on the list who has only played a little over a year. I will tell you how. Mark Lemke was not very good and hes the only other guy I know who could possibly be on this list. Not to mention "Lemmer" might be the most annoying Braves announcer of All Time. I believe when all is said and done that Prado will be the best 2B the Braves ever had.

SS: Jeff Blauser: I have been trying to think of another good shortstop and this is all I can come up with. I actually named my first dog Blauser after my boy Jeff. Other than that he looked alot like the dude from Glee and his stats really aren't that great. However, he is probably the greatest SS to play for the Braves. I considered Furcal but I never had a dog named Rafael or Furcal so I didn't pick him.

3B: Chipper Jones: I know that Eddie Matthews also played 3B but you have to give the nod to Chipper. Chipper has incredible stats and has done it hungover 90% of the time. He gets extra points for that. But seriously, Chipper is a Hall of Famer and has done so playing his entire career in Atlanta.

LF: Dale Murphy: Again, I know Murphy played Center but I am trying to field the best team here. Murphy is probably the most recognizable Brave to the 35-50 clan in Atlanta. Murphy hit over 300 HR's and was only 2 short of 400 for his career. He had a stretch of 4 years where he hit 36,36,36 and 37 HR's in consecutive seasons and that's WITHOUT steroids. The Murph was a badass and I know with 100% certainty he made his rounds through the Atlanta night scene.

CF: Andruw Jones: Andruw Jones IMO could have gone down as one of the best CF's to EVER play the game. However, he got fat and lazy. When he was in his prime he was a machine. The earth is covered by 75% of water....Andruw covers the rest. He literally got to EVERYTHING that was hit. Lets not forget that he hit over 350 HR's as an Atlanta Brave in 12 seasons.

RF: Hank Aaron: The easiest choice on the list for obvious reasons. The guy swatted 755 HR's over his career. For being such a power hitter he has a career batting average of .305. Lets keep in mind this is all being done without the using of PED's. Hank Aaron has done more for the Atlanta Braves Franchise than any other player I can think of. The guy is a legend and deservedly so.

Bench:

Andres Gallarage
Javy Lopez
Eddie Matthews
Mark Lemke
Terry Penleton
David Justice
Rafael Furcal
Sid "the Dream" Bream
Francisco Cabrera

SP:

Phil Niekro: Never saw him pitch but from everything I hear he was great. All the fans seemed to love him and from everything I have read on the guy he was also a great guy.

John Smoltz: A sure fire HOFer who was an absolute gamer. Honestly, it would be hard to not pick him if I had to choose someone to go win me a game. The guy is a mans man also. Hes got a golf course in his backyard and when hes not dropping insight for TBS hes playing hoops.

Greg Maddux: Maddux was so consistantly dominating it was scary. He won 15 games a year for 15 straight years! I remember a game he pitched against the Astros where he gave up a first inning HR to Jeff Bagwell and that was the only baserunner he allowed the whole game. The guy could flat pitch and it easily one of the best pitchers to ever play the game.

Tom Glavine: Crafty Lefty basically describes Glavine. Im pretty sure he couldn't break glass but he could dissect a strikezone. Just another 300 game winner who would probably be the 3rd starter on this team.

Warren Spahn: I honestly dont much about Spahn but he could pitch. He is one of the best left handed pitchers to ever play the game.

RP:

Lefty Specialist: Mike Remlinger: There wasn't another lefty that I trusted with the game like Remlinger. He had that old school look to him where he was just going to beat you. No real overpowering pitch the dude just knew how to mix it up.

MR: Greg McMichael: The guy was a stud. He had that goofy delivery and much like Moylan: Australian for Sucks he was deadly against right handed hitting.

MR: John Rocker: aka Borderline Mental Patient. To say he is a little off his Rocker is an understatement. Name another person who in 2 sentences offended everyone in the state of NY and possibly the entire nation? Kenny Powers? Touche. Name another? You cant. Watching the guy go full sprint from the BP to the mound looked like something out of Braveheart.

MR: Gene Garber: 2nd on the all time saves list behind John Smoltz. I never saw Garber pitch but from what i have been told he was a player. Anytime you 2nd on the list and the guy in front of you is John Smoltz, you have done something right.

MR: Mark Wohlers: He throws straight cheddar. Would be awesome in spot coverage but could come in and dominate for an inning if need be.

CL: John Smoltz: Currently suing Kyra Sedgwick claiming, he is The Closer. Smoltz could do double time Starting and Closing with this team. When Smoltz used to come in it was over. Lights out. Take your children and leave. Go elsewhere. Peace.

The Worst

Catcher: Corky Miller: Is there another catcher anywhere in the Majors that is worse then this guy? The guy is so inept at the plate its laughable. I remember a game where he came up to hit and I was genuinely upset they didn't pinch hit Tim Hudson for him.

1B: Troy Glaus: Mr. American Logger. Is it a coincidence every time he swung AT&T phones got better reception? He only made 2 million in the 1 year he was with the Braves but he made twice that in endorsement deals with Quikrete and AT&T. Quikrete was his shoe sponsor. That explains the absolute lack of mobility he had.

2B: Pete Orr: I actually like Pete Orr because he played the game hard but the guy just wasn't very good. I mean lets be honest he had no power, hit for about .240 and was not very intimidating. I will say this though Orr's Oars was a hit with the fans. I saw one guy dress up like a canoe for a game.

SS: Rafael Belliard: The Latin Monster. Belliard was pretty damn good defensively but his hitting was atrocious. I remember when I was 9 I saw Belliard at Publix and I was taller than he was. I made up the nickname Latin Monster if you haven't figured that out yet.

3B: Troy Glaus: Seriously I cant think of another player that is easier to rag on that Glaus. Did you know Troy Glaus' bat weighs as much as your average dog? Also, his new show The Quikrete Zoom, sold 4 pairs last year. The raft Tom Hanks made in Castaway was not a bunch of trees...it was Troy Glaus' bat broken into smaller pieces.

LF: Greg Norton: The Anti Virus needs no introduction. When you think "Who is the only hitter who might be worse than Corky Miller" you instantly think of Greg Norton. I swear, the year we had him he would come up to bat and I would start crying. I don't think I ever saw him get a hit. He used to pop out and foul out in batting practice. He came up to bat in a game with 2 outs and everyone ran off the field thinking the inning was over.

CF: Rick Ankiel: The Nature Boy. Good ol Rick Ankiel. He did hit that massive HR against the Giants in the postseason and that's about all he did. Have you ever seen someone who literally cant hit a curveball the way Ankiel can? How many times did he swing and miss by over a foot. A friend of mine called me from Vegas and said they had a prop bet on the board for the number of times Ankiel would swing and miss by over a foot....the number that night was 4.5. Ankiel covered that in his first 2 at bats.

RF: Garrett Anderson: Have you ever seen a player give less effort than Anderson? Name another active player who has fought in 3 different wars? You can't. Anderson fought in the Korean, Vietnam and Gulf Wars. He was arrested for draft dodging the war of 1812. Hes an old man. Has got to be in his 90's by now. At least he looks that old.

Bench:

Brent Lillibridge
Julio Franco
Yunel Escobar...worst attitude I have ever seen
Eddie Perez....trying to pick up chicks in the BP in right..total knobber
Greg Olson
Ken Caminitti
Raul Mondesi

SP:

Kenshin Kawakami: "He is a great pitcher who throws 6 pitches!" This was all I heard about KK when we signed him. They didn't tell me that all 6 pitches would be thrown belt high and down the middle. The guy is a walking batting practice.

Jo-Jo Reyes: More Like Hugo Reyes because this guy is Lost. All I ever heard about him was he was this incredible lefty prospect. Everytime I saw him pitch it looked like Craig Yarbrough circa 2003. They didn't have any problems finding weapons of mass destruction when Jo-Jo was on the mound bc there were bombs everywhere.

Ed Brandt: Mr. brandt was a whopping 5-19 with a 5.00 ERA for the 1935 Boston Braves. Don't worry though hes not the only Boston Brave on the list.

Ben Cantwell: A whopping 4-25 as a starter in 1935. Again, no idea who these guys are but they have to make the list with records like that.

Mark Redmond: 0-4 with an 11.63 ERA and 13 K's in 21 2/3 innings. That's pretty much all you need to know. He was terrible and I think we demoted him after that and he went on to get even worse so we released him.

RP:

Chris Reitsma: Arguably the absolute worst reliever of all time. I cannot even remember how many games this guy blew. "Hes got the best stuff on the team". I heard that countless times from both McCann and Bobby about how great Reitsma was in the BP sessions. He was terrible. I went to a game once where the Braves were winning 8-3 in the 7th. Bobby calls on Reitsma. I stand up and shake everyones hand around me telling them its been fun but I have to go because we have now lost the game. Reitsma gives up a couple and loads the bases and the braves lose 11-9.

Blaine Boyer: The Street Magician donned the Atlanta uniform for a couple years. My friends and I came up with the clever nickname by stealing David Blaines occupation, with Boyers ability to make leads disappear. Hence the Street Magician. He threw pretty hard but it was a cock shot 99.9% of the time. Newsflash, professional hitters don't miss those.

Manny Acosta: Icostya the game blew a bunch of games for the braves over a year and a half stretch. He has a goofy motion and never has back to back good innings. He looks like Cy Young one outing then the next like a combo of the Street Magician and Reitsma.

Bob Wickman: The fat dude from the Brewers. Supposedly was a terrible clubhouse guy who was angry all the time. What the hell is he angry about? He is easily one of the top 5 guys in baseball who is in the worst shape yet he is an "athlete". He was making like 5 million a year for being a fat slob.

Dan Kolb:  So the other day I was bored and checking out some domain names on Go Daddy. I wanted to see if http://www.dbag.com/ was available. It said it was taken. I checked to see who owned it and it was Dan Kolb! I couldn't believe it. Actually I could. The guy is a total d bag and jerk. I'm glad he got shelled every outing. Peace be with you.

Happy Crappy Monday Morning......Volume 10.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 10.0

By: J-Shannon

It’s Christmas time people…. You have to love this time of year. You go to work on time, but only do about 60% of what you normally would do. No one gets work done over the next couple of weeks. People are planning family time, what they are doing for Christmas, and searching for some last minute Christmas gifts. What better way to kick off Christmas then with a Happy Crappy Monday Morning, the Christmas edition. Enjoy…..

1.       Dirty Birds Flying High –

12-2. Man that sounds good. I’ll admit, I was extremely skeptical about Matt Ryan being drafted when he did. But what the hell do I know? I think this team is special. They are good, but not great. They are confident, not cocky. They get things done the hard way, by pounding the ball with Turner and Snelling, and wearing down the defense. Matt Ryan doesn’t try and force plays, he just takes what the defense gives him. It is amazing how much better your team plays when you have third and short situations, as opposed to third and long. It seems every time the Falcons have third down this season, it is only 3 or 4 yards to go. This team is special. This team has an opportunity to do something special…. How big is that Monday night football game at the Dome against the Saints going to be? Does home field advantage throughout the playoffs mean anything to you?

2.       MV7 = MVP

Look, I know Tom Brady is a stud. I know his numbers are unreal. I know he is going to go down as one of the best Quarterbacks ever. But if you took him away from that team, would there be that much of a fall off? Yea, they wouldn’t have gone 12-2, but I think it’s safe to say they would have made the playoffs. Now, take Michael Vick away from the Eagles. You’re talking a completely different team. The guy is single handily leading the Eagles to the playoffs on fire. Their O-Line is shaky; doesn’t matter, Vick breaks a tackle or 2 and scrambles for 40 yards. Maclin and Jackson are killing it lately, because they have a guy with an arm that can use their speed to his advantage. This team is hot, and is being led by a guy who has completely changed from the player and person he was 3 years ago. I’ll put it to you this way, I’m excited to see how far the Falcons go into the playoffs, but I damn sure don’t want to have to play MV7 or the Eagles.

3.       All the Miami Heat and King James Haters, where Did you Go?

You know it is funny, the Heat lose a couple of games, and everyone thinks it was a huge mistake for King James to “Take his Talents” to Miami. Well, the Heat is starting to get their shit together. They have won 12 in a row. Actually, they haven’t lost a game this month, and it’s the 20^th of the month. The more time that Wade and King James spend together on the court, the better this combination is going to get. If you were hating on the Heat, and talking about how this combination wasn’t going to work out, then you might want to consider hating on some other team…..

4.       The Town – Solid Flick

I had a chance to lie around on the couch Sunday night, and decided to switch it up from my normal routine. Normally, it’s a night to get my column together, and watch Faith Hill kick off Sunday Night Football. But this Sunday, I decided to watch The Town. Great flick, I highly recommend checking it out. I’m normally not a Ben Affleck fan, but he rocked it in this movie. Anytime you have a movie that’s action packed, involves a bank robbery or 2, and somehow finds a way to incorporate a professional sports team, it’s going to be a winner. This movie is a solid Bro flick…

5.       57^th Fighter Group Restaurant Review…..

You know how it works, I rank based on the following categories: Atmosphere, Talent Level, Cheddar Factor, Drink Accessibility, and Playlist.

·         Atmosphere 9….. This place is great and unique. The restaurant is a themed restaurant, with the feeling of eating on a military base. From the military cars in the parking lot, to the guard gate at the entrance, to the sandbags on the walls, it really gives the feel of a military base. Also, don’t expect to hear music while in the bathroom, instead plan to hear famous war generals giving motivational speeches.

·         Talent Level 6…. One word, COUGAR! Cougars are on the prowl at this place. Keep your eyes peeled, and be prepared, because you will get hit on.

·         Cheddar Factor 7…. It’s a little on the high side, but it is nicer than your ordinary restaurant. The food was amazing. I recommend getting a steak. Also, if you are on active duty, just bring an ID. It is free, as a thanks for your service.

·         Drink Accessibility 8…. The place is a pretty good sized restaurant. There are multiple bars, and cocktail waitresses everywhere. I didn’t have any problem getting a drink in this place.

·         Playlist  6….. Yea, they had a DJ for the dance floor. But their music selection was a little more suited for the Cougars in the bar than anyone else. It is a little old school. Don’t expect to hear anything from the 2000 era.

·         FINAL SCORE = 36…. Translation: Check it out. It is definitely worth the atmosphere, at least once. Also, if you have anyone from the WWII Era, I’m told they have to go, because it is a solid reminder of the past.

6.       DeSean Jackson made the Giants his Bitch….

This won’t take long. Hey Giant fans, how did that make you feel? Look, 14 seconds left in the game, there should not be a remote chance that that punt lands anywhere close to in bounds. It’s that simple. Mr. Coughlin, there is a guy in North Carolina right now, and his name is Bill Cowher. He is preparing to put the old whistle around his neck again, and get back into Coaching in the NFL. That kick off your punter’s foot might as well have been your job if you don’t win the Super Bowl this year……By the way, if you missed it, here it is…..

7.       The NFL

Watch the clip below. You mean to tell me that Tyler Brayton gets fined 15k for that hit and the poor JETS assistant who makes about 80k gets popped for 25k?? Cmon Goodell this is embarrassing. Not only should Tyler Brayton be suspended, Curtis Lofton should take him out back and beat his ass. Have a look see:

8.       Get the Resume’s Ready, Vacancies Everywhere after Christmas

Come January, there are going to be multiple coaching jobs open in the NFL. Hell, so far there are already 3, with the Cowgirls, Broncos, and the Vikings open. But in my eyes, there are going to be a few more. Keep an eye on the Texans, who seem to add talent ever year but remain mediocre. The Titans, who look like they are going to make the stupid decision to choose Vince Young over Jeff Fischer. The Panthers, although who wants that job. The Giants, just because New York doesn’t put up with the type of crap that happened yesterday. (See #6). Other possibilities include Jacksonville and San Fran. Bad news for you Atlanta fans, don’t be surprised if your Offensive Coordinator is a head coach somewhere else next year.

9.       Greinke= From Shittiest to Just Shitty

Just a quick Congrats to Zack Greinke, you left the really shitty team you have been playing for, and now play for just a Shitty team. Congrats.

10. The Top 10 in the Top 10…….

Oh the Top 10. This week is special; it is the Christmas top 10. But the top 10 Christmas movies have been done, so I decided to switch it up a bit. I did the Top 10 Dysfunctional family members in a Christmas movie. Enjoy, and don’t act like you don’t have any of these family members in your family.

1.       UNCLE EDDIE – Christmas Vacation: Possibly my favorite Christmas Character of all time, How could you have a dysfunctional family without Uncle Eddie? Showing up in his horrible RV, with his dog Snots, Eddie somehow charms you into liking him. Everyone has an uncle Eddie in their family.

Favorite Quote:  “Shitter was full Clark!”

2.       BUZZ MCCALLISTER – Home Alone:  What a great older brother. Buzz was that annoying older brother who did anything he could do to get on your nerves. The fact that he ate an entire pizza just to piss his younger brother off is priceless. The downside to Buzz, his girlfriend…. WOOF.

Favorite Quote: “No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.”

3.       MR. PARKER- A Christmas Story: Don’t act like you don’t watch this movie at least twice when it is on for 24 hours on TBS. One of the best movies of all time in my book, Mr. Parker reminds everyone of their own father in one way or another. You have to love the old man, complaining about the neighbors dogs, loving his leg lamp, and having his special ways of fixing the problems in the house.

Favorite Quote: “What is a lamp, you nincompoop? It's a Major Award. I won it!”

4.       Dr. NEIL MILLER (Step dad)- The Santa Clause- Tell me you remember the Santa Clause? Tim Allen was great, but my favorite character in that movie was the Stepfather, Neil. Why? I want just one of those phenomenal sweaters’ he used to wear. They were better than anything Mr. Cosby use to wear.

Favorite Quote: “All I ever wanted for Christmas was an Oscar Meyer Weiner whistle.”

5.       BUDDY THE ELF- ELF: I know he isn’t a family member in a movie, but how can you have a Christmas list without adding Buddy.

Favorite Quote:” I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands”

6.       UNCLE FRANK- Home Alone: Everyone has the annoying cheap uncle in the family. Uncle Frank is that uncle. He doesn’t let you watch the good movies, and treats you like a child. Uncle Frank was an ass.

Favorite Quote: “Look what you did you little Jerk”

7.       AUNT BETHANY- Christmas Vacation: What a sweet old lady. She is deaf, and wraps her cat up as a gift. Every line she has in the movie is priceless. From the moment she is suppose to say the Blessing, and actually says the Pledge of Allegiance, to the part where she hears the squirrel. Everyone loves Aunt Bethany.

Favorite Quote: “Oh Dear, did I break wind?”

      8.       DENVER AND DALLAS MCVIE- 4 Christmases: Everyone has those siblings they want to just pound. Well Denver and Dallas McVie are training for the UFC so no dice when Brad rolls in for Christmas.

             Favorite Quote: "Hey Brad, lick my gonads."

       9.       SCOTT CALVIN- The Santa Claus:   What happens when you accidentally kill Santa Claus? You become him. Your boy Scott Calvin has got some serious stories to tell at his sons Career Day.

             Favorite Quote: "We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liqour, played with my shot guns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women..."

        10.     THE KID- Bad Santa: Seriously his name in the movie is The Kid. Everyone knows that chubby kid who has the cheeks that look like they are going to explode. This is that kid.

              Favorite Quote: "It's a wooden pickle."

 Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. Special shout out to Meghan McClamb for the help on the top 10. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.