Get your nostrils off his Jockstrap!

So I pull up my facebook this morning and my buddy has sent me a link to a column written by Mark Bradley. You can find this jock sniffing article here: http://blogs.ajc.com/mark-bradley-blog/2010/09/16/am-i-the-only-one-in-the-world-who-likes-the-braves-chances/?cxntlid=sldr

Before I completely dismantle his entire article let me start by saying that this is what is wrong with Atlanta sports. Their is absolutely no accountability in this city whatsoever. You can play shitty baseball for 2 weeks at the most crucial time of the year and everyone in the "media" just turns a blind eye. I hope Bradley reads this and responds. He prob wont but that I would leave to see how he defends it. Mark Bradley has his nose so far up Bobby Cox's ass he cant even see straight.

As he says in his article:

"Nobody likes the Braves anymore because (pick one or more) Cox is a moron and Frank Wren is a moron and Derek Lee is a has-been and Troy Glaus was a one-month wonder and these players have no heart and would just as soon lose now as lose in the playoffs."

I will tell you what. I will take all of the above for $500 please Alex.

Bobby Cox IS a moron. Tell me another manager who has been given a team that consisted of 3, count them 3 Hall of Fame pitchers on the same team in their prime? And we win 1 world series? My 10 month old could manage that team and get the same results. Oh and by the way the Marlins, yes the freaking marlins have 2 WORLD SERIES TITLES since 1997! But you are right Bobby Cox is awesome. He is easily the most overrated manager in the history of baseball. Oh wait, he gets thrown out a lot so that must count for something right?

Frank Wren IS a moron. Derek Lowe 4 years 60 million. Kenshin Kawakami 3 years 23 million. Chipper Jones 3 years 42 million. He has traded for Nate McLouth, Rick Ankiel, Kyle Farnsworth, Ryan Church, Casey Kotchman and Melky Cabrera. Thats about as close to an All Star team as you can get right there. He has made some good moves in trading for Jurrjens and Infante but this isnt even close. Dont forget we have our hands tied bc of the first 3 contracts. He has also signed Troy Glaus and traded for Derek Lee. The Glaus signing (regardless of the fact we got him for 2 million) is just awful. Quikrete shoes hit .194 in march/april, .330 in May, .237 in June, .182 in July, .208 in August and is currently hitting .273 in 11 at bats thus far in September. Derek Lee has been a disaster since coming over. I give a pass on this one since we got him for nothing. Long story short knowing everything I have just written what grade would you give him?

"The Playoff probabilities on ESPN.COM show the Braves, Padres and Giants in a virtual dead heat."

Your right, I feel much better now knowing that the espn probablities still like our chances. Is this a joke? My BRO meter says your a dousche. A rather large one.

"It will come down to the Braves and the second-place club out West, which could be the Padres or the Giants, neither of which hits very much, but it could also be Colorado, which is the scariest team in the world in September."

And the Braves hit?? Please tell me your joking? Do the Braves have better pitching than the Giants? I dont think so. But its all good we have Troy Glaus and Derek Lee and Derek Lowe and Kenshin Kawakami and Nate McLouth all lined up and ready to do good! Thanks alot Frank Wren.

"Not to be pedantic, but the Braves must win as many of these remaining 15 as they can, and 10 ought to do it."

WTF does pedantic mean? You do realize 6 of those games are against the Phillies? And you do know the Phillies have set their pitching up so we face Halladay, Hamels and Oswalt in all 6 of those games? That would also require the Braves to acutally score some runs. Not get shutout by guys you have never heard of. Dont worry though, you dont want to be pedantic.

"Folks, this can still happen. So why do I feel like I’m talking to myself"?

Your not. Bobby Cox and Frank Wren are listening.

Something else that this article doesnt bring up but I want to address again. Getting to the playoffs does not equal a successful season. Winning the World Series is the goal and anything short of that is a failure. I for one am sick of the "if we make it great, if we dont ehh" attitude. Enough already! Man up and make a play.

Hasta Luego Bobby, the playoffs and my night

So yesterday im hanging around the house and was thinking about some things some of my fellow Braves fans have said to me over the last few weeks. They seem to think that I am being a little to hard on the Braves and that all is not lost. While I completely disagree with them I figured I would try and be optimistic for the game last night. I was optimistic for all of 2 innings. Jurrjens throws Adam Dunn a changeup that did nothing but change the outcome of the game. Dunn sends a bomb to right center that reminded me of a Jay Kapp moonshot off of Tiny Tim in the Atlanta Wiffle Ball League. Absolutely crushed. So now we are down 2-0 which might as well be 7-0 since we cant score any. Now im in a terrible mood, but then I realize that Teen Mom comes on tonight. I call my buddy Mike and we are bitching over the the Braves and we both agree that this team needs a spark of some sort. I suggested grabbing a couple mini bottles of Soco and throwing them in the dugout. I would bet my life that Chipper Jones would fight anyone for those 2 shots of happiness. I get it though Chipper. I would drink like a fish to if i had to come to the park everyday and listen to Bobby yap about how "well we just got beat tonight." No shit. So now im in the car on my way to Boston Market and explaining to Mike that I can throw harder than Livan Hernandez. So in essence were getting mowed down by a guy with the body type of Grady Jackson who tops out at about 83 mph. To make things worse I dont get the right sides at Boston Market. Now im ready to kill someone. Just as I turn the radio back up I hear that Fatty Hernandez has gone deep! Are you kidding me!!?? I get home and my wife has ordered Letters To Juliet on PPV. This is actually an upgrade over watching the Braves. About an hour in I get a few texts asking me how much I hate the Braves. This means only 1 thing. We are now lowing by more than when I started watching the movie. After the movie I turn it to Braves Live to see we got shutout 6-0 and now have to listen to Fred Hickman, Brian Jordan, Ron Gant and Jerome Jurenovich. Have you ever seen a white guy named Jerome? I rest my case. By this time its almost time for Teen Mom to start. I heard that Gary from the show is related to Livan Hernandez. Not sure if its true but they are built the same.

You might ask "Why do you like the Braves if you bash them so much?" I have a huge love/hate relationship with the Braves. Im not going to rant on and on about how much of a joke it is we only won 1 championship and all that. I just get sick of how everyone just acts like it is ok that we are average. No one seems to hold anyone accountable in this city. Bobby Cox has gotten a free pass for the last 20 years and people look at me like I have a 3rd nipple when I bash him. Chipper Jones is what he is now. Hes an AVERAGE player who will only play 2/3 of the games. Why should he continue to get paid like a superstar when he is not? We don't owe him anything. He actually owes us. We basically have paid him the almost 200 million dollars he has earned over the course of his career here. Why is Terry Pendleton employed? What is the point of a hitting coach if we cant hit. We have the most skewed stats of any team in baseball. We will play a 3 game series where we score 0, 2 and 11 runs in 3 games. Everything appears fine since you say "we scored 13 runs in 3 games. Well we basically were shut out and the 3rd game was pad your stats night. The Braves problem is they are so predictable. I could of told you last night was going to happen bc that is the MO of this team for the last 4 years. We will prob come out today and win taking the series. The only problem with that is the Phillies are going to sweep and winning 2 out of 3 isnt good enough anymore. ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH ANYMORE! The Phillies are going to throw Oswalt on 4 days rest over the weekend in order to set their rotation so that we have to face Oswalt, Halladay and Hamels the 6 games we play them to close the season. Game over. Put a fork in us we are done. So now we are basically praying that the Giants and Rockies lose. Not a good strategy.

So you think i should be optimistic? Why when I already know what is going to happen. Ok so we make the playoffs. ANYTHING SHORT OF WINNING A WORLD SERIES IS A FAILURE. The goal is to win. The goal is not to lose. Maybe we need a Samuel L. Jackson rise up promo to get us pumped up? All i know is im not holding my breath.

Run 7 yards and turn around

The Falcons opened up the 2010 football season with a game at the mighty Pittsburgh Steelers. I personally thought this was a great opening game for us as it would show where we stand early but at the same time was very very winnable. As most of you know Pittsburgh starting QB Chester the molestor was suspended for the first 4 games for living up to his nickname. Not only did we lose, but it was the way we lost. The defense was FANTASTIC! Holding the Steelers to only 15 points (only 9 in regulation). What was very discouraging was it was very evident the same things are holding this team back that was a problem last year. I know its only 1 game in but are we ever going to throw the ball deep? Is Matt Ryan going to have 2-3 passes each game that are thrown to the wrong team? Are we going to continue to miss FG's?

I like Matt Ryan. In fact I like him alot, but what has he done that has earned him the nickname "Matty Ice"? He has ice water running through his veins? I sure hope not bc he would be dead. I think the more appropriate nickname until proven otherwise should be Noodle Arm McGee. I personally saw Matt Ryan in person 3 times his senior year at BC. Afterward i said to mysef that this kid can play but I don't know if hes got the arm to make all the throws. My buddy Jason and I saw him at the ACC championship game and there were multiple times his passes floated on him. In the game today we ran the "Deep out" what seemed like every 3-4 plays or so. Thats good and all that we completed some passes but you cant keep going to the well everytime. It was this play that Polamalu picked off that almost cost us the game right there. Now obviously Noodle Arm Ryan should not have thrown the ball since he stared it down the whole way but can we try every once in a while to throw the ball deep? You wonder why we have defenders draped all over our guys all the time? Its probobly becuase they know that Troy Glaus has a better chance of hitting a fastball than the Falcons do of throwing the ball deep.

And what the hell is so great about Jerious Norwood? The guy spends more time in the hospital than McDreamy. He dropped 2 passes today that hit him in the hands. Directly on the phalanges. I was at a Jimmy Buffet concert last month and they busted out the beach ball. Everyone was having a great time smacking it around until suddenly it popped. It was that damn Jerious Norwood and his stone hands! Crushed the ball and ruined the fun for all of us. He tried to play it off and change the subject by telling everyone it was 5 oclock somewhere. No one was buying it.

I still think the Falcons have a very good team but i know I am not the only one who is asking these questions.  Here is hoping the Falcons can Rise up!

"He dont need no Diva nickname"