BroRankings going into Sin City

BroRankings going into Sin City

By: Corey Rose

So here we are, off and running in the 2011 season. Now that we’re past the wild card that is Daytona and have seen some 1 mile short track racing in Mexi-I mean Arizona, it’s time to head to Vegas for a cookie cutter track. They call the mile and halfers cookie cutters because it’s become the standard layout of NASCAR tracks these days. The banking, width, and pavement may vary from one to another, but these tracks really separate the contenders from the Trevor Baynes because we see a lot of them-and most tracks twice-as we head towards the championship.

1. As his losing streak was just climbing over the retirement age, ole Jeff Gordon put the AARP Chevy in victory lane for the first time, and he did it with style. He was bounced off the wall earlier in the day, managed to keep it pretty clean from then on, and then gave the Busch Bro to beat at Phoenix a dose of his own medicine with less than 10 to go. With a new crew chief, team, and sponsor, watch out for the 24 to take this momentum and run with it. Oh, and at Vegas since the intro if the car of tomorrow, this wine sipping pipsqueak has led more than the double the laps anyone else has, has the highest driver rating, and an average finish of 4.5.

2. I know. By ranking Kyle Busch second in the power rankings, I’m just repeating the Phoenix finishing order, but if I ranked him any lower, I’d be eating my words come Sunday. Plus, he came a couple hundred feet away from completing the weekend sweep for the second time in his career. We’re heading into the Busch Bros’ hometown with them 1 and 2 in the point standings. While his finish at Vegas last year was an mediocre 15^th, he won the year before. Plus, at Daytona and Phoenix, he was the best finisher from the Joe Gibbs stable yet he was involved or almost involved in more cautions than I can count. The only thing that might derail him this week would be some Cousin Carl payback for ruining his Subway 500 run this past weekend. If you don’t know anything about Carl’s history with revenge, watch this.

I really thought Carl would have axed the white gloves after they gave him up on this one.

3. Kurt Busch is just on a tear so far this year. After a win in the Bud Shootout, a win in his Haterade Duel, and two Top 10s in the first two races, Kurt and Dodge are flexing their muscle. Remember, NASCAR’s new point system is built to reward consistency. This guy understands that. He hasn’t had the success his bro has had in their hometown, but Dodge hasn’t looked this good in years either. Plus, with a nickname like the “Double Deuce”, also the name of the shitty bar Sam Elliot and Patrick Swayze cleaned up in the 80’s masterpiece, Road House, he’s gotta be able to whoop some ass.

On a side note, if you’ve never seen Road House, watch this clip and call me on Monday after you’ve gone out and picked this one out of Wally World’s DVD Five Buck Bin. If you don’t feel a significant increase in tesBrosterone levels, it’s time to call Brose Canseco and try some Human Browth Hormones.

4. I hate to do this but have to for the sake of honest writing, Jimmie Johnson has to get a spot in our 5. He got collected in the Daytona crap shoot but bounced back very well with a 3^rd at Phoenix. Last year he won this race. The year before that, he shit the bed. In 9 races, his average finish is 10^th. That’s second to only Jeff Burton’s 9.92 for drivers with more than 5 appearances here. Unless 5 time racks up a buncha DNFs(did not finishes), you can probably count on him remaining on this list. He just never goes away no matter how much we want him to. He’s currently outside the Chase picture so enjoy it while it lasts, race fans.

5. For the 5^th and final spot in the BroRankings, I’ll give you a bit of a wild card to chew on. Look out for AJ Allmendinger to make some noise this weekend and as the year progresses. I truly believe this ugly duckling can bring Richard Petty and the #43 back to the glory days or at least close to it. Vegas hasn’t been his strong suit in the past, but the RPM cars are looking much more competitive since the size of the team was reduced for 2011. Also, the dude finished 11^th at Daytona, 9^th at Phoenix, and is sitting pretty tied for 3^rd in points with my boy, Tony Stewart. Dinger’s problem in the past has been consistency so that either needs to be corrected or he’s going to have to get into the Chase on wins alone.

Side note: You may have heard the IRL(Incompetent Racers Legion)is putting up $5 mil for any active driver from outside their gaggle of crash test dummies that qualifies and wins the season finale in Vegas. 5 drivers will be allowed to attempt this but will have to be approved by the IRL’s Idiocracy-level governance body. A lot of names have been mentioned like Scott Speed, Robby Gordon, Tony Stewart, JPM, etc. etc. but the only person to say he’s interested is the Dinger, who does have open wheel experience. If he does well on Sunday, this conversation is going to heat up. While it is intriguing, I don’t think Dinger is the NASCAR driver we should put our hopes on to further embarrass the U.S. open wheel nancies.

Side note 2: Mobil1 announced this week that Tony Stewart and Lewis Hamilton, the 2009 F1 Champ, will be meeting at Watkins Glen with their respective race prepped cars this summer. They’ll swap rides and see what they can do as a promotional event for Mobil1. Absolutely brilliant. These two have proven they can drive anything and giving them race prepped cars rather than doing some stupid demo in detuned cars with last year’s parts should be interesting. Plus, neither of these guys have reputations for following rules so you can count on some extracurriculars.

Bronorable Mention:

Carl Edwards: He looked great at Daytona and qualified on the pole for his sponsor’s race this past week. Due to a wrong place, wrong time situation, Carl didn’t really get a chance to show us what he had for race day in Arizona. In 6 races at Vegas Carl has a low of 26th, a high of 1^st, and an average of just under 13^th. Considering the improvements made to the new FR9 Ford engine package, I would say we can count on Cuz’s averages going up all year including this week.

Tony Stewart: Bias aside, Smoke looks pretty solid so far this year. Anyone that made it through the last two races without being involved in a caution has to be off to a pretty good start. In each race, we’ve had about half the field collected in one wreck or another. Smoke has managed to keep out of these messes by running up front consistently, something tough to do over a couple hundred mile race especially at Daytona. Again, consistency is king. It shows with him being 3^rd in the points, but this team has to find a way to be relevant after the last pit stop. They seem to go from potential winner to solid top 10 on the final run.

DisBronorable Mention:

Richard Childress Racing: Look here, RCR(minus Paul Menard because you’ll never really be a contender. They’re just taking your daddy’s money and telling him you’re part of the club). I tooted your horn big time going into Daytona and y’all sucked there and didn’t look much better at Phoenix. These guys are having a harder time keeping their noses clean than Charlie Sheen. Yes, it’s been a lot of bad luck, but under this new point system, teams can ill afford DNFs and 30 somethings. It’s time for the King of Beers and his boys to post some top 10s together. Their average finishes look pretty good going into the cesspool in the desert, but one could say the same for Daytona and Phoenix. Look how that turned out.

Bayne to Drivers: Put up or Shut Up

Bayne to Drivers: Put up or Shut Up

By Uncle Clark

Danica Patrick is going to need a sexier fire-suit to stay in this sport. The woman completed the 2010 season with an average finish of 28^th thanks to her HUGE pass on the closing laps of the Ford 300 where she overtook Sam Hornish Jr. for 19^th place. Friggen amazing.

Ladies, there are only 43 cars in the field. On average, 10 cars head to garage before they complete 100 laps. That means she beat out 5 drivers to cross the finish line.

Here is the problem: I am giving her too much credit. This is the Nationwide Series and Danica is supposed to be a pedigree player. In three of her 13 starts, Danica was one of those 10 cars heading to the garage. She finished on the lead lap in one race. The rest of the time Danica was dodging beer cans coming in late to the final turn.

READER QUESTION: Clark, why in the eff are we talking about Danica Patrick?

ANSWER:  Because 20-year-old Trevor Bayne won the Daytona 500 – The Great American Race – in his second start as a Sprint Cup driver. Start. Number. Two. We’re talking about Danica, because T. Bayne showed up to Daytona in his Ford F150 with Bojangles wrappers on the floorboards (unconfirmed) and a duffle bag of t-shirts. We’re talking about Danica, because T. Bayne made a statement to her and all “developmental” drivers with his race weekend in Daytona: Put up or shut up.

The dude was ready when he parked his truck. His performance in the Gatorade Duel is proof enough. Jeff Gordon went to T. Bayne – a rookie with the largely forgotten Woods Brothers race team – and tapped him as his drafting partner. His performance was remarkable. Bayne’s ability to control the car at both ends of the draft was beyond impressive. He was one of the first drivers to recognize the need to stay out of the side-drafts of opposing pairs as the turbulent air produced would send Bayne and his partner backwards. The garage saw every move he and Gordon made. The kid had earned his respect even with the rookie stripes taped to his back bumper. Bayne took that respect, matched it with momentum and won the Daytona 500.

Final Laps of the 500:

But we’re not here to talk about Trevor Bayne. This article is about Danica and all the “developmental” drivers out there. T. Bayne just tightened your deadline. He did it with a part-time race team. He did it without a private jet to take him there. He did it with a car void of top-dollar sponsorship dollars. T. Bayne’s message to you: Win or get out. These folks are on notice:

Kevin Conway – This guy’s name barely shows up in a Google search, but he was declared NASCAR’s 2010 Rookie-of-the-Year by default. The idiot was the only rookie.

Travis Pastrana – We get it: you’re cool. We will see what happens in Indianapolis.

Danica Patrick – Ten years from now you will be doing B-List celebrity commentary for “Worlds’ Dumbest” with Tanya Harding.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. – The highest paid driver in NASCAR - $29 Million in 2010. His name accounts for a third of all licensed merchandise sales. Only thing more ridiculous: Jr.’s losing streak.   

Stephen Wallace – Your dad was great. You’re awful.

Chrissy Wallace – Two words: Weight Room.

The Sadler Family – Stick to commentary and fishing.

Thank You, Dale.

Overcome with emotion and high gravity beer, your Uncle Clark and a group of BRONAMETH readers celebrated the life of Dale Sr. at Tony’s pub in Athens, Ohio with a touching tribute: We made the place go silent with the NASCAR version of Amazing Grace. We memorized the one word of the song: “Three.”

Here are the Lyrics:

Amazing Grace – by BRONAMETH SPORTS

Three threeeeee, three threeeeeeee, three threeeee, three threeeeeeeeeee

Three threeeeeee, three  threeeeee, three threeeeeeeeeeeee. (Pause)

Three threeeeee, three, three, three, threeeeeeee, three threeeeee three, three, three, threeeeeee

Three three, three threeeeeeeeee, three threeeeeee.

I tried to record it, but my NASCAR-issued Sprint phone is jacked.

Serious Note: The lap-3 tribute was incredible to see. The man paid with his life to make our sport better. His reputation and his legacy define NASCAR. I personally will have my fingers up on the third lap of every race I attend. I suggest you do the same.

Thank You, Loser with Sword.

This song is available on I-Tunes. What would you do to get all up in the inter-web?

Personally, I’m not sure which is more hilarious...the obvious or the size of that window-mounted air-conditioning unit (around 3min50sec).

Phoenix International Raceway

The Subway Fresh Fit 500

Fox, 2:30 pm/et

BRO RANKINGS TO FOLLOW PRACTICE RESULTS

Read. Comment. Like us on Facebook (never thought I’d say that, but it helps our BRO RATINGS). Be Redneck.

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 17.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 17.0

By: J-Shannon

Another week is in the books, and another Crappy Monday is upon us. This week, we are covering everything from the hot chicks athletes come home to, to the kid who somehow finished first in the Daytona 500. Yes, this was a great week in sports, especially if you are a fan of the underdog. So here it is, the “I Just turned 20 and won the Daytona 500” edition of the Happy Crappy Monday Morning……

1 A Star is born at the Daytona 500……

I’m ready to make this statement: “I watched all of the Daytona 500, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.” Yes, thanks to Uncle Clark and Corey Rose, through the excitement they put forward in their writing, I decided it was time to sit down and crack open a good ol ‘Merican, and give NASCAR a chance. I have to tell you, I enjoyed every minute of the race. From the Drama of Earnhardt Jr. trying to win the race 10 years following the death of his father, to a virtually unknown driver crossing the checkered flag first, the entire race was full of drama and excitement. I also want to send some love to Trevor Bayne. This kid turned 20 the day before the race, and wins the Daytona 500 in only his second race. What is even funnier is that he isn’t even signed on to race an entire season. He is scheduled to only race half the season for the Wood Brothers, but that may change after Sunday. Take some time next week and watch the boys rub fenders back and forth in Phoenix. It is definitely worth your time.

2. Big East Basketball= Best in the Land….

If you think playing football in the SEC is tough, try scheduling a basketball season in the Big East. We haven’t talked much basketball this season, and that is mainly because there really isn’t any point until tournament time. But I watched a couple of games over the weekend, and have noticed one trend: The Big East is way out in front of the rest off college basketball. Currently, the Big East has 6 teams in the top 25, with three teams (West Virginia, St. John’s, and Marquette) sitting right outside the top 25. It is actually a little sad watching a game between 2 top notch Big East teams, and then flipping the channel to an SEC game or an ACC game. The level of play doesn’t even compare. I’m not sure who I am going to pick to win the tournament once March Madness rolls around, but I will tell you this…. Chances are pretty good the last school I have standing is a school from the Big East…..

3.  (By Chris McDonald)


Jason is going to let me steal a top 10 this week and to be fair to the Georgia/GATECH rivalry this here is what we call good ole fashioned hate. I literally hate Paul Hewitt. I have never in my life watched a basketball team who is so inept in so many areas play. They literally do not run an offense, they cant shoot Free Throws and I am pretty sure their inbounds plays resemble what it looks like in my 15 months old music class, a bunch of crying and running around aimlessly. Honestly, I am willing to throw in $100 towards the 6 million dollar buyout that he has (a big FU to Dave Braine-dead). Now that is not very much but have you seen the cost of overnight diapers these days? Joking aside he has to go. How much longer are we going to allow him to to be terrible? This is the freaking ACC and your in one of the best recruiting grounds in the country! Getting to the tournament once every 4 years and getting bounced in the 2nd round goes over about as well as a pregnant pole vaulter to serious Tech fans. Show this man the door!

4. Inspirational Story of the Week….

Everyone knows how big of a fan I am of shows like E:60, 30 for 30, and Real Sports. I love a good inspirational story as much as anyone else. I have decided to donate a segment of the Happy Crappy Monday to Inspirational stories. Not just because I feel like these stories need to get out there, but maybe it will remind you that having a Crappy Monday Morning at work isn’t as bad as what some other people go through…. Enjoy, and learn what it means to Pick Up Butch…..

5.  The Best Dunk for the Weekend wasn’t even in the Contest…..

Sometimes watching the Rookies vs. Sophomore Game is more interesting than the actual All Star game. Check out this sick nasty play from John Wall to Blake Griffin…..

6. Solid Prank on some upcoming First Round Draft Picks In the NFL….

So conditioning and preparing for the NFL draft can be very serious, and can break you down mentally. You have to add a little fun in to break up the monotony of day after day of working out. That’s why this prank was pulled on about 30 future NFL draft prospects. Enjoy….

7. Your boy Johnny Mac has got some serious comp...................

8. Photo of the Week:

This picture pretty much sums it up. Congrats to the 20 year old kid, who brought home the biggest prize in NASCAR, the Daytona 500 trophy. Congrats to the Kid….

9.“One-Liners” of the Week…..

* Charlie Sheen- The guy had a fantasy baseball party at his house over the weekend, inviting over       Kenny Lofton, Todd Zeile, Eddie Murray, Lenny Dykstra, and Brian Wilson from the SF       Giants. Sheen had the guys over to screen “Major League”, and also allowed them to       try on his 1927 World Series Ring, which was owned by Babe Ruth. 

*Marion Barber- The guy was detained by police this morning for disturbing the peace. Looks like it’s        not just NFL defenses who can easily detain Barber.

*Dwayne Wade- I did not realize the guy was dating Gabrielle Union, mad props to him…

*Bryant McKinney- The dude says F&*K a lockout, it’s just money. He dropped $100,000 K at a bar            Friday night in Hollywood.

*Dale Jr.-       The guy ran a good race, but fell short when he go into the wall late. He finished 24^th.

10. THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10…

In honor of me recently finding out Dwayne Wade is dating Gabrielle Union, I decided to put together the top 10 athletes who are dating smoking hot Hollywood dime pieces…. Enjoy…..

10 Dario Franchiitti- Indy Cars- What does every foreign Indy Car driver want; How about a hot country girl wife. That’s what Franchitti has; he is married to UK fan Ashley Judd.

9 Carmelo Anthony- Denver Nuggets- Anyone watch MTV in the 1990’s. There was a hot little V-Jay, her name was LaLa. Carmelo must have been a fan, because he ended up marrying LaLa recently.

8 Derek Jeter- New York Yankees- I love the way Jeter works, quietly, and without anyone knowing. He keeps his personal life to himself. But he is dating Jessica Biel.

7 Alex Rodriquez- New York Yankees- What’s better than having A-Rod’s talent on the baseball field? How about claiming his roster off the field. The guy has dated everyone, including Madonna. But these days, he is hanging with Cameron Diaz…. Not too Shabby….

6 Cristiano Ronaldo- Ronaldo is quite possibly the most famous soccer player in the world. But what do I like about him? He is dating Irina Shayk. Don’t know who that is? She is on this month’s cover of Sports Illustrated. She is only one of the hottest Supermodels in the country….

5 Tom Brady- New England Patriots- Talk about the perfect life, Tom Brady is living the dream. He has more money than he knows what to do  with, wins a Super Bowl almost every other year, and is married to the hottest Super Model in the Land, Gisele Bundchen.

4 Dwayne Wade – Miami Heat- When he isn’t balling on the courts of Miami, Dwanye Wade is cuddled up next to Gabrielle Union at home. Don’t know who she is? She has starred in movies such as Bring it on, The Brothers, and Bad Boys II.

3 David Beckham- LA Galaxy- Everyone knows Beckham is married to Posh Spice. Victoria was easily the hottest Spice girl in the group.

2 Mike Fisher- Ottawa Senators- The guy married one of the hottest girls in the country, singer Carrie Underwood. Who would have thought a rugged hockey player would end up with Unerwood, who is the absolutely perfect girl next door type.

1 Andy Roddick-Tennis: This one isn’t hard. The guy is married to Brooklyn Decker, who could be one of the hottest women on the planet. If you haven’t seen her, or know who I’m talking about, pick up a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition…..

As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all 

Friday Free For All…..Volume 15.0

Friday Free For All…..Volume 15.0

By: J-Shannon

You’ve got to love this time of year. It has been 70 degrees or warmer all week, the NCAA basketball season is approaching March Madness, Friday marks opening day for the NCAA baseball season, and the 2011 NASCAR season is dropping the Green Flag this weekend. Oh yes, spring is in the air, and it feels just about as good as an ice cold ‘Merican, but not quite. I myself have a solid weekend planned, starting with checking out the Milton High School boys basketball playoff game. Why? Maybe because Milton is the #3 high school basketball team in the country, and they have 6 Division 1A players on their roster. Saturday is another event filled day, as I plan to cram as much college basketball into my day as possible. And then there is Sunday, where the Green flag will drop on 25 or so drivers looking to cock-block the Jimmy Johnson from a 6-pete. Yea I realize there will be more than 25 drivers racing this season, but let’s be honest; there is 25 at most who have an opportunity to bring home a NASCAR ‘Ship.

So here it is the “spring is just around the corner, can you taste it” edition of the Friday Morning Free for All……

--The “I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW” Story from this Week:

1. High School Iowa Wrestler gives up State Title, refuses to wrestle girl….

I am not sexist by any means. I think that girls should have equal opportunities to everything that men do, including high school athletics. But is it right that a high school wrestler in Iowa defaulted rather than wrestle a girl? The wrestler, Joel Northrup, made a brief statement:

                “As a matter of conscience and my faith I do not believe that it is appropriate for a boy to            engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in          most other high school sports in Iowa."

Now is it my place to say that the kid should have wrestled the girl? No, but I do think that if girls want to wrestle in the state of Iowa or anywhere else in the country, it is their right. However, I think there should be a girls division or league separate from guys. What would have happened if this kid would have grabbed the female wrestler around the waste and dropped her on the head? Some people would have been upset. Well, that is the nature of sports, and more specifically boys wrestling. I respect the decision Joel Northrup made, but quite frankly, I don’t think the kid should have ever been put in the situation to make the decision….

2. 10 Years since we lost the Man in Black

I think it has to be said that it has been 10 years since we lost Dale Earnhardt. Not only was it a sad loss for NASCAR, but it was a sad loss for sports fans and society for that matter. This week, a moment of silence will be held during the third lap of the race, in honor of the late great NASCAR Legend. I will go on record and hand will be raised high in the air with three fingers up in his honor during that lap…..

--Things that Have Pissed Me off This Week:

Keeping it Classy Alabama Fans…..

Oh Alabama, your classiness has reached an all time high. Now I will be the first to admit that I have written some bad things about Auburn. I don’t like Gene Chizik, and I still believe that they bought a championship this year. But purposely poisoning the Oak trees at Auburn’s sacred Toomer’s Corner is terrible and downright bush league. So you’re bitter that your rival Auburn won the National Title? Tough Shit, you had your chance to do something about it, and the Tide choked. So I’m personally calling you out, Harvey Almorn Updyke, the 62 year old D-Bag who was responsible for the incident. At 62, shouldn’t you be doing other things a little more responsible than poisoning trees on a college campus? By the way, naming your children “Bear” and “Crimson” (true story by the way) is almost as pathetic as your attempt to quiet the celebration of Auburn’s National Championship.  Harvey, you are about as cool as AIDS in my eyes. I hope the judge decides that the best way to have you pay your debt to society is to have you dropped in the center of Auburn University, Where the student body can tar, feather, and beat you down exactly how Auburn beat down Alabama in the second of this year’s game…..

--Youtube Clip of the Week:

1. The guy wasn’t good enough to start for UCONN this season, but apparently all that time he spent screwing around on the practice field paid off……

2. In honor of the NASCAR season kicking off, here is the movie trailer to one of the best sports movies of all time, Enjoy…..

--The “LIVIN’ THE DREAM” Legend of the Week:

I know I have mentioned this before, but if you’re Andy Roddick, it’s quite obvious you are a “livin’ the dream” legend. First off, you have roughly 20 million stacks of Paper sitting in your bank account. You’re the best American tennis player around these days, and you travel the world on a regular basis to play the sport you love for money.

But the best part of Andy Roddick’s life, is the fact that when his match is over, he gets to go home and get a rub down from wifey Brooklyn Decker. Who is Brooklyn Decker? Unless you have been living with your head up your ass for the past year, she is the hottest swimsuit model in the land.

Andy Roddick, congrats my man, you are living the dream…. And are an inspiration for all of us at Bro Nameth….

--Real Men of Genius Bro of the Week:

In honor of the kickoff of the 2011 NASCAR season, I felt it was only right to dedicate a portion of my Friday Free for All for the next few weeks to the “Real Men of Genius,” presented by ice cold ‘Merican Bud Light. This week, Bro Nameth Salutes you…….

Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer

 

--Shout-Outs for the Week:

- Uncle Clark and Corey Rose: Thanks to your superb contributions to Bro Nameth, you have me completely interested in NASCAR again, and I’m looking forward to the start of the season Sunday…..

- Brooklyn Decker- The 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition is in stores and all I got to say is Andy Roddick is a lucky man….

-Miguel Cabrera- What a way to kick off MLB training camp, the guy was popped for DUI yesterday. What’s worse? He apparently had to be asked by the office to stop taking swigs of scotch while he was pulled over.

- Ronaldo- Congrats on a great career, and enjoy some retirement bro…..

-Cavs- I give you a lot of shit, but you actually managed to beat the Lakers last night. You deserve a shout out…..

-CC Sabathia- The man showed up to training camp 20 pounds lighter this week. What did he do different this offseason? He said the cut out the box of Cap’n Crunch he ate every morning for breakfast. Yea you read that right, an entire box.

As always, it’s been a pleasure. Leave a comment if you disagree with anything I got to say, and I’ll prove to you why you are wrong….. Check in again Monday Suckazzzzz.

BRO RATINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

BRO RATINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

Uncle Clark’s:

1. Kurt Busch (#22 – Dodge): Wow, Clark. The guy that won the Budweiser Shootout; the same guy that didn’t even get an HONORABRO mention in your first BRO RATINGS is now at the top of your list? Groundbreaking. I have to admit: I missed this one.

What Kurt was able to do is incredible. He took the only Dodge in the field to the summit of a huge Benjamin pile. He wrote the next chapter on the politics of racing at Daytona; working with drivers from every garage in the draft and negotiating the final turn with Jamie MacMurry. What we thought was PR spin was as honest as the Bible – Dodge’s consolidation of resources really has produced a competitive race program. Their engineers could handle the record-setting pace of the Shootout. Other programs like Red Bull Racing were left wondering if the 22-team could spare any parts.

Now with the Daytona 500, Kurt Busch has his teammate Brad Keselowski (#2 – Dodge) back in the mix. Brad’s teeth are jacked, but his driving is quality. In the last practice Brad and Kurt posted the best average speed of drivers who completed 10-consecutive laps. Brad is the same guy that posted the fastest time back in testing. Kurt was pushing him the whole way.

2. Joey Logano (#20 – Toyota): Ol’ “light-in-his-loafers” didn’t exactly have both oars in the water during the Shootout, but most of that was outside of his control. He posts ridiculous numbers, as proof with his 200.062 MPH practice speed yesterday, which was second to only Kasey Kahne (#4 – Toyota). Problem for Kasey is their engineering department only has a Leatherman where as Logano and the Gibbs team posts up in the corner of an Ace Hardware. Joe Gibbs had all they needed for their race setups after testing a couple weeks back. They’re using practice to try aggressive setups and yesterday’s finish proved their program is ready for Sunday. Logano, Kyle Busch and Denny Hamlin – all Joe Gibbs teammates – finished in the top-10.

3. Denny Hamlin (#11 – Toyota): First of all, Denny…you’re an idiot. Your ignorance at the Budweiser Shootout cost you 160-grand in straight cash.  If you would have waited until the end of the corner you would have had a choice of either the high side or low side to get around Ryan Newman (#39 – Chevy). Worse yet, you would have had the side draft to make it easy. Haven’t you seen Talladega Nights? It’s the standard Sling-Shot move. Shit works. Instead you go out of bounds. Out. Of. Bounds. Remember Denny: Shake it before you bake it. You’re still in the BRO RANKINGS because I bet you won’t make that mistake twice.

4. Jamie McMurray (#1 – Chevy): For some reason BRONAMETH writer Corey Rose doesn’t like this guy. But the BRO shows up. Last year he won the Daytona 500 and the Brickyard 400, which are two of the three pillars of the Sprint Cup circuit. He finished second in the next two biggest races, the Southern 500 at Darlington and Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte Motor Speedway. He also proved to be a smart player by pushing rival Kurt Busch to the finish at the Budweiser Shootout last Saturday. Denny Hamlin should be taking notes. Jamie is a skilled driver at this track and has plenty of friends in the garage. I wonder if Kurt will pay it forward.

5. Kyle Busch (#18 – Toyota): Take a look at the video C-Rose is talking about (down the page). No further explanation is necessary. His practice speeds are strong. His testing numbers are promising. His reputation is pure Kyle Busch. He will be around the front, as long as Mark Martin (#5 – Should be Retired) doesn’t spin him out – again.

Honorabros:

Brad Keselowski (#2 – Dodge) – He is fast as an individual and redneck fast when he hooks up with his teammate Kurt Busch. Brad will be around the front on the final lap, but the lack of respect in the garage will have him put in the wall before the finish.

Kasey Kahne (#4 – Toyota) – Your boy. His numbers are solid – great top-end, solid average speed. As BRONAMETH SPORTS predicted, his downfall is in the engineering. Pick it up Red Bull. If he and teammate Brian Vickers (#83 – Toyota) can get together things will get interesting.

Stewart-Haas Racing: Either Tony Stewart or Ryan Newman could make it rain. We saw some solid indicators in the Shootout.

Corey Rose’s:

1. Jamie MacMurray: the dude is always fast on plate tracks, he won the 500 last year, and came damn close Saturday night to taking home a mil plus. Questionable mannerisms aside, this guy knows how to push from behind…wait a second.

2. Kurt Busch: it may seem bass ackwards to put the winner on Saturday night behind the runner-up but hear me out. While he has the best average finish at Daytona of 5.25 since NASCAR went to the car of tomorrow, there’s one glaring weakness I see. Kurt and his teammate, Brad Keselowski, are the only Dodge’s in the field. While manufacturers’ and teammates’ alliances didn’t seem to matter much at the Shootout, I’d expect that to change when there 43 cars on track instead of 24 and we go to points racing instead of straight cash.

3. Kevin Harvick: no matter who he worked with on Saturday, he was at the front of the pack until the end. I wouldn’t expect that to be the case on Sunday. He’ll be around at the end. Those Childress cars are just too good especially if they can find each other on the track. Plus, that black Bud car looks badaaaaaaassss.

4. Jeff Burton: ditto the above except for the Bud car part.

5. Kyle Busch: he had a rough go of it after that strange spin with Martin, but damn was he fast. All three of the Gibbs cars were fast but my money is on this guy. He’s the ballsiest of the 3 Gibbs boys and he’s matured enough that this may be his year.  Plus, he deserves mention alone for that well timed worst to first restart he pulled off in the Shootout restart. If you didn’t see it, check the video below. He’s the car that comes out of nowhere if you couldn’t figure it out. See what I’m talking about? Balls and brains.

Honorabros:

1. Denny Hamlin, Joe Logano, and Clint Boyer all deserve mention because their cars were great Saturday night, they’ve showed speed in testing, and their teammates are in the power rankings above. At Daytona, having a fast teammate can be more important than being fast yourself.

2. Everybody but Junior. Here’s why: the dude could not find success if it bit him on the ass, and until he does, he ain’t getting ranked. Yes, he was fast Saturday but he ended up behind the wall. Yes, he won the pole yesterday but who had the pole at last year’s Daytona 500? Exactly. It doesn’t mean squat. Junior Nation is citing his past Daytona and Talladega success but chew on this. Since the car of tomorrow was introduced, Dale’s average finish at Daytona is 20.75. Maybe he’ll be out by lap 3 so he can witness the tribute to his father, a true ‘Merican race hero. Plus, his Hendrick teammates didn’t make a whole lot of noise on Saturday night either. Again, thank you Jesus.

Fast Speeds Bring Fast Reaction from NASCAR

Fast Speeds Bring Fast Reaction from NASCAR

Budweiser Shootout Recap, Speedweeks Preview, Drafting Explained

By Corey Rose

Well unless you’re a Dale Junior or Kasey Kahne fan (sorry Uncle Clark), Saturday night must have been pretty enjoyable for you race fans out there. We had speeds faster than we’ve ever seen at Daytona thanks to literally a laser-straight pave job in the offseason, a much improved look to the cars and a new breed of racing that had fans changing their shorts. The “Two-Car Tango”, as it quickly came to be known, is a much different approach to the double-file lines from front to back we are accustomed to seeing at Daytona. For today’s article, I’ll put on my Bill Nye VHS and explain a little of the science behind the draft and what NASCAR is doing to slow it down.  We’ll talk about the week’s events and will give you some insight into the release of tomorrow’s BRO RANKINGS.

“The Two-Car Tango” – The name sucks, but the speeds are incredible (206+ MPH).

If you happened to accidentally turn on Fox on Sunday afternoon forgetting that football is over, you would have subjected yourself to Daytona qualifying - the most pointless and boring event in NASCAR. In three hours of coverage, they set two spots for the race. Sorry NASCAR, but this has to go.

You would have also noticed these guys were running 20 MPH slower than they were the night before at the Budweiser Shootout. The only reason why? They didn’t have that second car glued to the back bumper.

DRAFTING EXPLAINED

Reduced Drag = Redline Speeds - Thanks to Desktop Engineering for the visual

The first car in line is essentially working as a fullback by clearing a hole in the air. The resistance faced by doing so puts a great deal of drag on the car, which significantly reduces its speed. Now, when a second car lines up and lays the front bumper against the rear of the other, the train ride begins. With no resistance, the speed the second car is able to travel is greatly increased thus propelling the front car forward at the same speed.

Pull out of line and you drop like a rock. We saw it multiple times Saturday night and even saw it come into play at the finish line. Had Denny Hamlin stayed glued to Ryan Newman’s bumper, Newman’s wallet might actually be fatter than his head.

Newman’s Fat Head – I feel bad for his mother.

 

Instead old Hambone went for the win as he should have in a cash-only race. That opened the door for Kurt Busch in the double-deuce (#22) with the quee-I mean nice guy, Jamie MacMurray, in the #1 pushing him to victory. Passes at the finish on these restrictor plate tracks have to be perfectly timed, and these guys work on it throughout practice all week long. Hambone’s timing was dead on but the double yellow line, equivalent to out of bounds, kept him out of victory lane. Either way, you can expect a similar finish on Sunday. BroNameth Prediction:  The guy leading the start of the last lap won’t be leading at the end of it.

NASCAR Listening to Fans But Scared of Lawyers

With speeds topping out around 206 or 207, NASCAR is sweating bullets trying to find a way to bring them down to a level they’re comfortable with. Frankly, I’m all for dumb-and-fast no matter what we’re talking about. The problem is the “have at it boys” style of racing at 207mph isn’t dumb. It’s asinine and is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

While improvements have been made, we’ve seen too many cars go airborne at high speeds the last few years and NASCAR can’t afford for one of them to land on Junior Nation’s seating area.

Dale Sr. placing Tony Stewart gingerly into the wall. ©Comcast

No disrespect but just ask The NHRA (drag racing for you uneducated ones out there) how a fan’s death has affected them. They now run 1/8-mile runs instead of ¼-mile. The Result: It’s like watching firework duds go off side by side over and over; it’s promising for the first 2 seconds and then you feel like someone pissed in your cereal bowl. If you’re on a Saturday night binder and find yourself up at 7am on Sunday, you can watch some NHRA and see what I’m talking about

To slow the cars down, NASCAR is mandating changes to the airflow and cooling systems of the cars. The anticipated result is that those cars pushing another car from behind will be able to do so for a shorter period of time. Limited airflow equates to higher engine temperatures. Guys aren’t going to push as hard if their engine is about to blow. In theory, this will not slow the cars down when in open air or when drafting. It will simply limit the amount of time they can stay glued together.

If NASCAR doesn’t see an acceptable change in practice and in the Gatorade Duels on Thursday afternoon (set your DVR by the way), expect to see changes in the size of the restrictor plate. This is the metal plate that sits on top of the carburetor-opening to limit the amount of airflow to the engine. The more air, the faster you go and vice versa. We should all be hoping it doesn’t come to that. Dear little, baby Jesus, please don’t let it come to that. BRO NOTE: As of press time, NASCAR announced all teams will be issued a smaller restrictor plate for all remaining events at Daytona. Details to follow…

Speedweeks - Schedule

Thursday, 2/17: Gatorade Duels, 2pm ET on SPEED

-These twin, 60-lap heat races will feature everyone in the 500 field minus Junior and Jeff Gordon because they already have locked in grid spots 1 and 2 by qualifying fastest on Sunday. The rest of the field will be set based on the duel results.

Friday, 2/18: NextEra Energy Resources, 250 7:30p, ET on SPEED

-This race will mark the beginning of the Camping World Truck series season. Truck racing on pavement didn’t make a whole lot sense to me when I first got into NASCAR, but then I actually watched one. They’re just like Mark Sanchez’ love life: short, rough, and filled with young talent.

Saturday, 2/19: Drive4COPD 300, 1pm ET on ESPN2

-This is the one event this weekend I’m willing to sacrifice for the greater good of my relationship with the ball-and-chain. Why? It’s longer and is not as exciting as the truck race and - worst of all - Danica Patrick is racing. That’ll just ruin my mood. Plus, how exciting is Nationwide racing really going to be this year? By forcing the drivers to compete for the championship in either Nationwide or Sprint Cup, we’re left with amateur hour in Nationwide. While it’ll serve as a great feeder series much like the minors in baseball and hockey, do I really want to watch a buncha nobodies go around the same track I’m going to watch the big boys go around on Sunday? That’s just me though.

Sunday, 2/20: The Great ‘Merican Race, 1pm ET on FOX

-200+mph bumper to bumper, 43 cars, Darrell Waltrip & Jeff Hammond commentary, Crank It Up, and a moment of silence through lap 3 as a tribute to the only Earnhardt that matters. Need I say more?

BRO RANKINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

Corey Rose and Uncle Clark will post their BRO RANKINGS for this weekend’s race. Check back Thursday Afternoon.

BRO RATINGS: Budweiser Shootout

BRO RATINGS: Budweiser Shootout

By Uncle Clark

The pavement is even. The banking is uniform. The paint is fresh. With the quality of Daytona Motor Speedway’s new racing surface even a Mack Truck could turn a fast corner.

Saturday’s Budweiser Shootout (FOX, 8 P.M.) is our first look at the 2011 season. This isn’t your typical race. This is the concentrated version of the best of NASCAR. It’s the racing equivalent of those frozen orange juice canisters a cheap mother would buy. Except in this case we add race fuel.  I’d be down to try that mix:

Here is why you will watch Saturday’s race:

1.       The FedEx Cup of Racing: This is an invitation-only event. Only drivers who raced in last year’s Chase, are former series champions or have won at Daytona are allowed in the clubhouse. You will see trademark names battling against each other in one of the fastest venues in the circuit.

2.       Straight Cash, Homey. The Average Purse of the Budweiser Shootout: $1,148,414. If you win this, fishing gets real affordable.

3.        0% Financing on Cars: Most of the teams have a car designated to race exclusively in the Shootout. They build the machine to be fast, they build it to win and they do not care if it comes back to the shop or leaves on a wrecker. You’re there to win.

4.       Quick and Dirty: The race is only 75 laps broken into two segments (25 and 50). There is a 10-minute session in-between segments for car adjustments. The last 50 laps promises to be some of the most exciting in Daytona’s recent history. The new pavement is sticky and will allow cars to race on all areas of the track. The result: Three- and four-wide racing comes standard.

5.       Racing Under the Lights: It’s like your paycheck…Everything goes faster at night.

BRO RATINGS:

A few weeks ago, NASCAR opened up Daytona for a weekend’s worth of testing so drivers and their teams could establish a direction with their racing setups. BroNameth Sports analyzed the statistics for each of the 5 testing sessions and developed an equation (mainly addition) to establish their BRO RATING. Here is how the drivers stack:

BRO RATINGS: The Budweiser Shootout

1.       Joey Logano #20: First of all, I do not like this guy. I am not sure if he switches dugouts and he has a better job than I do.  But he tore up the Nationwide Series and posted ridiculous numbers at testing. He finished in the top-10 in four of the five testing sessions, a statistic only Jeff Gordon could match. But even Gordon couldn’t hold a candle to Logano’s average speed of 191.583 MPH. Gordon’s average: 186.745 MPH. This kid can roll.

2.       Denny Hamlin #11: Consistency pays. Denny saw his lack of it lead to another Jimmy Johnson championship last year. Judging by his numbers at testing, he may have turned the corner. He finished second in Average Speed at 191.54 MPH to his teammate Logano. He posted a top speed of 197.737 MPH, which fell short to Brad Keselowski’s and Kurt Busch’s final segment speeds of 198.605 MPH and 198.579 MPH, respectively. Here’s the good news for Denny: The only reason Brad hit that pace was because his teammate Kurt was pushing him. Brad isn’t racing in the Shootout and Kurt – the only remaining Dodge – will have no help in the draft.

3.       Kyle Busch #18: The guy is good. He has matured over the last few seasons to cool his temper, but this race is built for his kind of attitude. He matched the top speed of his teammate, Denny Hamlin in testing at 197.737 MPH and posted a respectable average speed. You can be sure that Logano, Hamlin and Busch – all Joe Gibbs Racing teammates – will push each other to the front.

4.       Tony Stewart #14: Finally a driver not racing a Toyota comes into our BRO RANKINGS. Tony finished 6^th in the Average Speed category at testing. He did this without participating in the final session where Top Speeds were posted by almost every team. What does this mean: The 14 Car had all the information they needed. Tony went trolling for track women while his engineers collaborated with those at Hendrick Motorsports. They’ll be ready and Stewart will have plenty of Chevrolets to help push him to the front.

5.       Kasey Kahne #4: Your boy. Finished fourth in Average Speed at 189.902 MPH and with a Top Speed of 197.659 MPH. If you look at the numbers exclusively, he should be ahead of Tony Stewart in the BRO RATINGS. The problem: Like Kurt Busch, his drafting help in Brian Vickers will be riding the pine on Saturday. Although he too will be racing a Toyota, the engineering departments of Red Bull take a back seat to the reputation of Joe Gibbs Racing. Kahne put out some strong numbers and showed consistency at testing. His team will have to do the same.

HONORABROS:

-          Jimmy Johnson #48 – Don’t want to talk about it…He’ll be around and Chad Knauss will be arrogant.

-          Jeff Gordon #24 – (BroNameth Reader Nick Ball’s Driver) -  He and BRO RATINGS leader Joey Logano were the only drivers to post four top-10 finishes in the five testing sessions. His Top Speed is impressive. His Average Speed - meeehhhhhh.

-          Carl Edwards #99 – Because he’s dangerous

-          Kevin Harvick #29 – His new Budweiser car is top quality. And because she says so (Muh. Hum. Eh. Duh. Times 3):




UPCOMING TOPICS:

- Proper Rebel Yells

- Beer Opening Tricks

- Daytona 500 Preview