Friday Free For All…..Volume 11.0
By: J-Shannon
After Missing out on a Happy Crappy Monday Morning article, we are back up and smoking for a jammed pack Friday Free For All! I was thinking of coming up with a long, detailed excuse about how the Dirty South Blizzard caused a power outage at the J-Shannon residence, resulting in me not being able to produce a Monday Morning article. Instead, I am going to be completely honest, because you Bro Nameth supporters do not deserve to be Bullshitted. Instead of writing an article Sunday night, I, along with a group of fellow brotivated people, decided to throw a: “It’s going to snow, so we ain’t got to show” party. This party involved an extensive amount of Brew Ha Ha’s, therefore I didn’t think I was qualified to write a solid article.
However, I have jam packed this Friday Morning article with twice as much information as usual. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride…..
----The “I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW” Stories from this Week:
I was going to talk about a couple of different points in this section, until I came across this disturbing picture. Gucci Mane has decided to take the “Ice Cream Paint Job” to a whole new level. Just when you think Mike Tyson has the worst face tattoo of all time, Gucci comes along and takes the cake. You know, recently he was released from a mental institute, and from the looks of it, he might should have stayed there a little longer….Here is the pic….
----Things that Have Pissed Me off This Week:
1. Hey Browns fans, stop your Bitching……
Oh to be a sports fan in Cleveland. How depressing is it honestly to be a sports fan in Cleveland? Let’s start with baseball. The movie “Major League” had a more attractive roster than the current one that is put together for the Indians. Name three relevant Cleveland Indians off the top of your head, I’ll wait. It has to hurt to think at one point, both C.C. Sabathia and Cliff Lee were both starters in the same rotation. How about the Cavaliers? Well they are still cleaning up the mess from the dump King James left on the town. Cavs fans shouldn’t be pissed that LeBron left, they should actually thank him for letting the town experience a few years of winning. Try and tell me LeBron isn’t talented, they guy gave the team 60 win seasons… this year they will be lucky to get 20. And finally, there is the Cleveland Browns. The only award that team is worthy of winning is the worst team uniforms in sports. I do have to give the Browns a little credit, their fan base continues to support a shitty team year after year. Poor Josh Cribbs, the guy is about as talented as there is in football. He is surrounded by teammates who would be practice players on most other rosters. Cleveland Sports has about as much chance of winning a Championship as a crack-head in a weightlifting competition.
But here is what pisses me off the most: Fans are already hating the hire of new Head Coach Pat Shurmur. So he isn’t a big name guy, who cares. The guy has been the OC in St. Louis, and has been putting up points consistently with arguable one player (Steven Jackson), and a rookie QB. Take note of what has happened in recent years Browns fans. ATL fans weren’t to happy with the Mike Smith hire, yea they have all shut up at this point. People were pissed the legend Bill Cowher was replaced by Mike Tomlin, a no name Coordinator. I think that hire turned out pretty well. Give the guy a chance before you bash him, it may surprise you.
2. Antonio Cramartie, you got a big set of Balls……
You know the old saying, “You mess with the Bull, and you get the Horns?” Well Cromartie needs to learn the meaning of this quickly. For the life of me, I cannot understand why you would talk shit to Tom Brady before a playoff game? You know Tom Brady, the guy who is 14-4 in his career during playoff games. The guy who game after game makes things happen, regardless of who is his running back and receivers. A guy who will throw three touchdowns this weekend, light up Cromartie, and still make it home in time to tuck his child into bed and play hide the pickle with his smoking hot wife. Cromartie has two other problems I think he needs to focus on before talking shit to Brady.
1. Don’t forget that “Revis Island” is on the other side of the field from where you play. This means that regardless of how good you think you are, people are going to continue to throw your way because Revis is the best.
2. You should be focusing on the 9 kids from 8 different women you currently know about. I won’t even include the 5 other paternity test you have outstanding. What you need to be doing is taking some tips from Travis Henry. You remember him, the ex NFL running back who has 10 kids by 10 different women, who still owes $250,000 in child support each month, although he is unemployed.
--Youtube Clips of the Week:
A solid youtube clip this week. We all had dreams growing up, and some of us have reached our dreams. Some of us however, fell short. This man may need to rethink his career choice….
The second clip is more of an inspirational story. Little Elizabeth Hughes wanted to sing the national Anthem for her local AHL Hockey team. She was rocking it, and got about 75% of the way through, when her microphone went out. What happens next is pretty cool from the people of Norfolk…..This needs to be said. The lady who starts laughing as her mic cuts off is about as cool as the swine flu. Shits Weak.
--The “LIVIN’ THE DREAM” Legend of the Week:
Last week’s legend was Jerry Jones, who we can all agree was a solid choice. Although I hate to stick with another sports team owner, this week’s legend is: Mark Cuban….
Talk about living the dream, the man is worth somewhere in the 2-3 billion dollar range. He sits court side to every game, to cheer on his team. Most of us sit at a game and cheer on our team, but it would be nice to know it is actually “YOUR TEAM.” Rumor has it he is one of the most player friendly owners in the history of sports. He is known for making his players as comfortable as possible. Cuban asked his players what would make them more comfortable in the locker room. After hearing their suggestions, he provided them with a massage recliner in front of each of their lockers, along with a 42 inch plasma in each locker.
Talk about tough life decisions, the guy is has been wrestling with the idea of whether or not he wants to put in an offer to buy the Cubs….. “Livin’ the Dream” at it’s finest…..
--Prediction for the Upcoming Week:
So I was off on a couple of predictions last week, but I hit a couple right on the head. I told you that Harbough would be the next coach at San Francisco, and he now is. I also told you that even though they were talking about new candidates, Tony Sparono wasn’t going anywhere, and he didn’t. This week’s predictions…..
Packers vs. Falcons- This one is tough, because of my personal love for the birds. But I like the packers in this match up. Aaron Rodgers is a stud, and their defense is on point. I hate to say it, but I think it comes down to a 4th down play that the Falcons fall short on… Final: Falcons 28- Packers 31
Ravens vs. Steelers- I love both of these teams, because I love hard nosed defensive football. This one comes down to experience, and I give it to the Steelers. Final score Steelers 21- Ravens 16 Side Note: Ed Reed has a pick….
Seahawks vs. Bears- The magic is over, sorry Seahawks. Although Cutler is going to do everything possible to lose this game, the Bears D actually knows how to tackle unlike the Saints. Not a lot of offense in this one…. Seahawks 16 – Bears 24
Jets vs. Patriots- I can’t wait to see this one personally. It has all the making for an instant classic. The cocky coach, the bad ass coach, the silent but deadly QB, the trash talking Corner, and the “Rudy” little white boy football player. I will never go against Brady, as he has a point to prove this weekend… Final Score Jets- 24 Patriots 32…
--The Ordinary Bro who deserves Recognition this Week:
This one is simple. How about a shout out to the Bro’s who despite it being snowing and icy outside, still man up and get to their respective jobs to make sure the rest of us who are snowed in are enjoying their impromptu holiday. I called the liquor store Tuesday, and they said they will def. be open normal hours, no matter what the weather is looking like, because they know that people need to drink…. I thought it was well worth being recognized.
--Shout-Outs for the Weekend:
· Clippers- They dropped 44 on the Heat in the first Quarter this week, and pulled off a rare win against a decent opponent…..
· Nnamdi Asomugha- Good call on having a clause in your contract to let you leave Oakland. It has to be miserable playing for a habitually horrible team.
· Lawrence Taylor- Looks like you aren’t going to jail for the hotel room hookup with the high school chick. Hey it’s not your fault you ordered a hooker and she showed up underage.
· Cam Newton- Shout out for winning the National Championship, and heading to the NFL. I would get out of there too before the shit hits the fan…..
· Tony Parker- Looks like your ex teammate Brent Barry finalized his divorce with his wife this weekend, thanks to you plowing her on the side.
As always, it’s been a pleasure. Leave a comment if you disagree with anything I got to say, and I’ll prove to you why you are wrong….. Check in again Monday Suckazzzzz.
