BroRankings going into Sin City

BroRankings going into Sin City

By: Corey Rose

So here we are, off and running in the 2011 season. Now that we’re past the wild card that is Daytona and have seen some 1 mile short track racing in Mexi-I mean Arizona, it’s time to head to Vegas for a cookie cutter track. They call the mile and halfers cookie cutters because it’s become the standard layout of NASCAR tracks these days. The banking, width, and pavement may vary from one to another, but these tracks really separate the contenders from the Trevor Baynes because we see a lot of them-and most tracks twice-as we head towards the championship.

1. As his losing streak was just climbing over the retirement age, ole Jeff Gordon put the AARP Chevy in victory lane for the first time, and he did it with style. He was bounced off the wall earlier in the day, managed to keep it pretty clean from then on, and then gave the Busch Bro to beat at Phoenix a dose of his own medicine with less than 10 to go. With a new crew chief, team, and sponsor, watch out for the 24 to take this momentum and run with it. Oh, and at Vegas since the intro if the car of tomorrow, this wine sipping pipsqueak has led more than the double the laps anyone else has, has the highest driver rating, and an average finish of 4.5.

2. I know. By ranking Kyle Busch second in the power rankings, I’m just repeating the Phoenix finishing order, but if I ranked him any lower, I’d be eating my words come Sunday. Plus, he came a couple hundred feet away from completing the weekend sweep for the second time in his career. We’re heading into the Busch Bros’ hometown with them 1 and 2 in the point standings. While his finish at Vegas last year was an mediocre 15^th, he won the year before. Plus, at Daytona and Phoenix, he was the best finisher from the Joe Gibbs stable yet he was involved or almost involved in more cautions than I can count. The only thing that might derail him this week would be some Cousin Carl payback for ruining his Subway 500 run this past weekend. If you don’t know anything about Carl’s history with revenge, watch this.

I really thought Carl would have axed the white gloves after they gave him up on this one.

3. Kurt Busch is just on a tear so far this year. After a win in the Bud Shootout, a win in his Haterade Duel, and two Top 10s in the first two races, Kurt and Dodge are flexing their muscle. Remember, NASCAR’s new point system is built to reward consistency. This guy understands that. He hasn’t had the success his bro has had in their hometown, but Dodge hasn’t looked this good in years either. Plus, with a nickname like the “Double Deuce”, also the name of the shitty bar Sam Elliot and Patrick Swayze cleaned up in the 80’s masterpiece, Road House, he’s gotta be able to whoop some ass.

On a side note, if you’ve never seen Road House, watch this clip and call me on Monday after you’ve gone out and picked this one out of Wally World’s DVD Five Buck Bin. If you don’t feel a significant increase in tesBrosterone levels, it’s time to call Brose Canseco and try some Human Browth Hormones.

4. I hate to do this but have to for the sake of honest writing, Jimmie Johnson has to get a spot in our 5. He got collected in the Daytona crap shoot but bounced back very well with a 3^rd at Phoenix. Last year he won this race. The year before that, he shit the bed. In 9 races, his average finish is 10^th. That’s second to only Jeff Burton’s 9.92 for drivers with more than 5 appearances here. Unless 5 time racks up a buncha DNFs(did not finishes), you can probably count on him remaining on this list. He just never goes away no matter how much we want him to. He’s currently outside the Chase picture so enjoy it while it lasts, race fans.

5. For the 5^th and final spot in the BroRankings, I’ll give you a bit of a wild card to chew on. Look out for AJ Allmendinger to make some noise this weekend and as the year progresses. I truly believe this ugly duckling can bring Richard Petty and the #43 back to the glory days or at least close to it. Vegas hasn’t been his strong suit in the past, but the RPM cars are looking much more competitive since the size of the team was reduced for 2011. Also, the dude finished 11^th at Daytona, 9^th at Phoenix, and is sitting pretty tied for 3^rd in points with my boy, Tony Stewart. Dinger’s problem in the past has been consistency so that either needs to be corrected or he’s going to have to get into the Chase on wins alone.

Side note: You may have heard the IRL(Incompetent Racers Legion)is putting up $5 mil for any active driver from outside their gaggle of crash test dummies that qualifies and wins the season finale in Vegas. 5 drivers will be allowed to attempt this but will have to be approved by the IRL’s Idiocracy-level governance body. A lot of names have been mentioned like Scott Speed, Robby Gordon, Tony Stewart, JPM, etc. etc. but the only person to say he’s interested is the Dinger, who does have open wheel experience. If he does well on Sunday, this conversation is going to heat up. While it is intriguing, I don’t think Dinger is the NASCAR driver we should put our hopes on to further embarrass the U.S. open wheel nancies.

Side note 2: Mobil1 announced this week that Tony Stewart and Lewis Hamilton, the 2009 F1 Champ, will be meeting at Watkins Glen with their respective race prepped cars this summer. They’ll swap rides and see what they can do as a promotional event for Mobil1. Absolutely brilliant. These two have proven they can drive anything and giving them race prepped cars rather than doing some stupid demo in detuned cars with last year’s parts should be interesting. Plus, neither of these guys have reputations for following rules so you can count on some extracurriculars.

Bronorable Mention:

Carl Edwards: He looked great at Daytona and qualified on the pole for his sponsor’s race this past week. Due to a wrong place, wrong time situation, Carl didn’t really get a chance to show us what he had for race day in Arizona. In 6 races at Vegas Carl has a low of 26th, a high of 1^st, and an average of just under 13^th. Considering the improvements made to the new FR9 Ford engine package, I would say we can count on Cuz’s averages going up all year including this week.

Tony Stewart: Bias aside, Smoke looks pretty solid so far this year. Anyone that made it through the last two races without being involved in a caution has to be off to a pretty good start. In each race, we’ve had about half the field collected in one wreck or another. Smoke has managed to keep out of these messes by running up front consistently, something tough to do over a couple hundred mile race especially at Daytona. Again, consistency is king. It shows with him being 3^rd in the points, but this team has to find a way to be relevant after the last pit stop. They seem to go from potential winner to solid top 10 on the final run.

DisBronorable Mention:

Richard Childress Racing: Look here, RCR(minus Paul Menard because you’ll never really be a contender. They’re just taking your daddy’s money and telling him you’re part of the club). I tooted your horn big time going into Daytona and y’all sucked there and didn’t look much better at Phoenix. These guys are having a harder time keeping their noses clean than Charlie Sheen. Yes, it’s been a lot of bad luck, but under this new point system, teams can ill afford DNFs and 30 somethings. It’s time for the King of Beers and his boys to post some top 10s together. Their average finishes look pretty good going into the cesspool in the desert, but one could say the same for Daytona and Phoenix. Look how that turned out.

Bayne to Drivers: Put up or Shut Up

Bayne to Drivers: Put up or Shut Up

By Uncle Clark

Danica Patrick is going to need a sexier fire-suit to stay in this sport. The woman completed the 2010 season with an average finish of 28^th thanks to her HUGE pass on the closing laps of the Ford 300 where she overtook Sam Hornish Jr. for 19^th place. Friggen amazing.

Ladies, there are only 43 cars in the field. On average, 10 cars head to garage before they complete 100 laps. That means she beat out 5 drivers to cross the finish line.

Here is the problem: I am giving her too much credit. This is the Nationwide Series and Danica is supposed to be a pedigree player. In three of her 13 starts, Danica was one of those 10 cars heading to the garage. She finished on the lead lap in one race. The rest of the time Danica was dodging beer cans coming in late to the final turn.

READER QUESTION: Clark, why in the eff are we talking about Danica Patrick?

ANSWER:  Because 20-year-old Trevor Bayne won the Daytona 500 – The Great American Race – in his second start as a Sprint Cup driver. Start. Number. Two. We’re talking about Danica, because T. Bayne showed up to Daytona in his Ford F150 with Bojangles wrappers on the floorboards (unconfirmed) and a duffle bag of t-shirts. We’re talking about Danica, because T. Bayne made a statement to her and all “developmental” drivers with his race weekend in Daytona: Put up or shut up.

The dude was ready when he parked his truck. His performance in the Gatorade Duel is proof enough. Jeff Gordon went to T. Bayne – a rookie with the largely forgotten Woods Brothers race team – and tapped him as his drafting partner. His performance was remarkable. Bayne’s ability to control the car at both ends of the draft was beyond impressive. He was one of the first drivers to recognize the need to stay out of the side-drafts of opposing pairs as the turbulent air produced would send Bayne and his partner backwards. The garage saw every move he and Gordon made. The kid had earned his respect even with the rookie stripes taped to his back bumper. Bayne took that respect, matched it with momentum and won the Daytona 500.

Final Laps of the 500:

But we’re not here to talk about Trevor Bayne. This article is about Danica and all the “developmental” drivers out there. T. Bayne just tightened your deadline. He did it with a part-time race team. He did it without a private jet to take him there. He did it with a car void of top-dollar sponsorship dollars. T. Bayne’s message to you: Win or get out. These folks are on notice:

Kevin Conway – This guy’s name barely shows up in a Google search, but he was declared NASCAR’s 2010 Rookie-of-the-Year by default. The idiot was the only rookie.

Travis Pastrana – We get it: you’re cool. We will see what happens in Indianapolis.

Danica Patrick – Ten years from now you will be doing B-List celebrity commentary for “Worlds’ Dumbest” with Tanya Harding.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. – The highest paid driver in NASCAR - $29 Million in 2010. His name accounts for a third of all licensed merchandise sales. Only thing more ridiculous: Jr.’s losing streak.   

Stephen Wallace – Your dad was great. You’re awful.

Chrissy Wallace – Two words: Weight Room.

The Sadler Family – Stick to commentary and fishing.

Thank You, Dale.

Overcome with emotion and high gravity beer, your Uncle Clark and a group of BRONAMETH readers celebrated the life of Dale Sr. at Tony’s pub in Athens, Ohio with a touching tribute: We made the place go silent with the NASCAR version of Amazing Grace. We memorized the one word of the song: “Three.”

Here are the Lyrics:

Amazing Grace – by BRONAMETH SPORTS

Three threeeeee, three threeeeeeee, three threeeee, three threeeeeeeeeee

Three threeeeeee, three  threeeeee, three threeeeeeeeeeeee. (Pause)

Three threeeeee, three, three, three, threeeeeeee, three threeeeee three, three, three, threeeeeee

Three three, three threeeeeeeeee, three threeeeeee.

I tried to record it, but my NASCAR-issued Sprint phone is jacked.

Serious Note: The lap-3 tribute was incredible to see. The man paid with his life to make our sport better. His reputation and his legacy define NASCAR. I personally will have my fingers up on the third lap of every race I attend. I suggest you do the same.

Thank You, Loser with Sword.

This song is available on I-Tunes. What would you do to get all up in the inter-web?

Personally, I’m not sure which is more hilarious...the obvious or the size of that window-mounted air-conditioning unit (around 3min50sec).

Phoenix International Raceway

The Subway Fresh Fit 500

Fox, 2:30 pm/et

BRO RANKINGS TO FOLLOW PRACTICE RESULTS

Read. Comment. Like us on Facebook (never thought I’d say that, but it helps our BRO RATINGS). Be Redneck.

BRO RATINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

BRO RATINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

Uncle Clark’s:

1. Kurt Busch (#22 – Dodge): Wow, Clark. The guy that won the Budweiser Shootout; the same guy that didn’t even get an HONORABRO mention in your first BRO RATINGS is now at the top of your list? Groundbreaking. I have to admit: I missed this one.

What Kurt was able to do is incredible. He took the only Dodge in the field to the summit of a huge Benjamin pile. He wrote the next chapter on the politics of racing at Daytona; working with drivers from every garage in the draft and negotiating the final turn with Jamie MacMurry. What we thought was PR spin was as honest as the Bible – Dodge’s consolidation of resources really has produced a competitive race program. Their engineers could handle the record-setting pace of the Shootout. Other programs like Red Bull Racing were left wondering if the 22-team could spare any parts.

Now with the Daytona 500, Kurt Busch has his teammate Brad Keselowski (#2 – Dodge) back in the mix. Brad’s teeth are jacked, but his driving is quality. In the last practice Brad and Kurt posted the best average speed of drivers who completed 10-consecutive laps. Brad is the same guy that posted the fastest time back in testing. Kurt was pushing him the whole way.

2. Joey Logano (#20 – Toyota): Ol’ “light-in-his-loafers” didn’t exactly have both oars in the water during the Shootout, but most of that was outside of his control. He posts ridiculous numbers, as proof with his 200.062 MPH practice speed yesterday, which was second to only Kasey Kahne (#4 – Toyota). Problem for Kasey is their engineering department only has a Leatherman where as Logano and the Gibbs team posts up in the corner of an Ace Hardware. Joe Gibbs had all they needed for their race setups after testing a couple weeks back. They’re using practice to try aggressive setups and yesterday’s finish proved their program is ready for Sunday. Logano, Kyle Busch and Denny Hamlin – all Joe Gibbs teammates – finished in the top-10.

3. Denny Hamlin (#11 – Toyota): First of all, Denny…you’re an idiot. Your ignorance at the Budweiser Shootout cost you 160-grand in straight cash.  If you would have waited until the end of the corner you would have had a choice of either the high side or low side to get around Ryan Newman (#39 – Chevy). Worse yet, you would have had the side draft to make it easy. Haven’t you seen Talladega Nights? It’s the standard Sling-Shot move. Shit works. Instead you go out of bounds. Out. Of. Bounds. Remember Denny: Shake it before you bake it. You’re still in the BRO RANKINGS because I bet you won’t make that mistake twice.

4. Jamie McMurray (#1 – Chevy): For some reason BRONAMETH writer Corey Rose doesn’t like this guy. But the BRO shows up. Last year he won the Daytona 500 and the Brickyard 400, which are two of the three pillars of the Sprint Cup circuit. He finished second in the next two biggest races, the Southern 500 at Darlington and Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte Motor Speedway. He also proved to be a smart player by pushing rival Kurt Busch to the finish at the Budweiser Shootout last Saturday. Denny Hamlin should be taking notes. Jamie is a skilled driver at this track and has plenty of friends in the garage. I wonder if Kurt will pay it forward.

5. Kyle Busch (#18 – Toyota): Take a look at the video C-Rose is talking about (down the page). No further explanation is necessary. His practice speeds are strong. His testing numbers are promising. His reputation is pure Kyle Busch. He will be around the front, as long as Mark Martin (#5 – Should be Retired) doesn’t spin him out – again.

Honorabros:

Brad Keselowski (#2 – Dodge) – He is fast as an individual and redneck fast when he hooks up with his teammate Kurt Busch. Brad will be around the front on the final lap, but the lack of respect in the garage will have him put in the wall before the finish.

Kasey Kahne (#4 – Toyota) – Your boy. His numbers are solid – great top-end, solid average speed. As BRONAMETH SPORTS predicted, his downfall is in the engineering. Pick it up Red Bull. If he and teammate Brian Vickers (#83 – Toyota) can get together things will get interesting.

Stewart-Haas Racing: Either Tony Stewart or Ryan Newman could make it rain. We saw some solid indicators in the Shootout.

Corey Rose’s:

1. Jamie MacMurray: the dude is always fast on plate tracks, he won the 500 last year, and came damn close Saturday night to taking home a mil plus. Questionable mannerisms aside, this guy knows how to push from behind…wait a second.

2. Kurt Busch: it may seem bass ackwards to put the winner on Saturday night behind the runner-up but hear me out. While he has the best average finish at Daytona of 5.25 since NASCAR went to the car of tomorrow, there’s one glaring weakness I see. Kurt and his teammate, Brad Keselowski, are the only Dodge’s in the field. While manufacturers’ and teammates’ alliances didn’t seem to matter much at the Shootout, I’d expect that to change when there 43 cars on track instead of 24 and we go to points racing instead of straight cash.

3. Kevin Harvick: no matter who he worked with on Saturday, he was at the front of the pack until the end. I wouldn’t expect that to be the case on Sunday. He’ll be around at the end. Those Childress cars are just too good especially if they can find each other on the track. Plus, that black Bud car looks badaaaaaaassss.

4. Jeff Burton: ditto the above except for the Bud car part.

5. Kyle Busch: he had a rough go of it after that strange spin with Martin, but damn was he fast. All three of the Gibbs cars were fast but my money is on this guy. He’s the ballsiest of the 3 Gibbs boys and he’s matured enough that this may be his year.  Plus, he deserves mention alone for that well timed worst to first restart he pulled off in the Shootout restart. If you didn’t see it, check the video below. He’s the car that comes out of nowhere if you couldn’t figure it out. See what I’m talking about? Balls and brains.

Honorabros:

1. Denny Hamlin, Joe Logano, and Clint Boyer all deserve mention because their cars were great Saturday night, they’ve showed speed in testing, and their teammates are in the power rankings above. At Daytona, having a fast teammate can be more important than being fast yourself.

2. Everybody but Junior. Here’s why: the dude could not find success if it bit him on the ass, and until he does, he ain’t getting ranked. Yes, he was fast Saturday but he ended up behind the wall. Yes, he won the pole yesterday but who had the pole at last year’s Daytona 500? Exactly. It doesn’t mean squat. Junior Nation is citing his past Daytona and Talladega success but chew on this. Since the car of tomorrow was introduced, Dale’s average finish at Daytona is 20.75. Maybe he’ll be out by lap 3 so he can witness the tribute to his father, a true ‘Merican race hero. Plus, his Hendrick teammates didn’t make a whole lot of noise on Saturday night either. Again, thank you Jesus.

Fast Speeds Bring Fast Reaction from NASCAR

Fast Speeds Bring Fast Reaction from NASCAR

Budweiser Shootout Recap, Speedweeks Preview, Drafting Explained

By Corey Rose

Well unless you’re a Dale Junior or Kasey Kahne fan (sorry Uncle Clark), Saturday night must have been pretty enjoyable for you race fans out there. We had speeds faster than we’ve ever seen at Daytona thanks to literally a laser-straight pave job in the offseason, a much improved look to the cars and a new breed of racing that had fans changing their shorts. The “Two-Car Tango”, as it quickly came to be known, is a much different approach to the double-file lines from front to back we are accustomed to seeing at Daytona. For today’s article, I’ll put on my Bill Nye VHS and explain a little of the science behind the draft and what NASCAR is doing to slow it down.  We’ll talk about the week’s events and will give you some insight into the release of tomorrow’s BRO RANKINGS.

“The Two-Car Tango” – The name sucks, but the speeds are incredible (206+ MPH).

If you happened to accidentally turn on Fox on Sunday afternoon forgetting that football is over, you would have subjected yourself to Daytona qualifying - the most pointless and boring event in NASCAR. In three hours of coverage, they set two spots for the race. Sorry NASCAR, but this has to go.

You would have also noticed these guys were running 20 MPH slower than they were the night before at the Budweiser Shootout. The only reason why? They didn’t have that second car glued to the back bumper.

DRAFTING EXPLAINED

Reduced Drag = Redline Speeds - Thanks to Desktop Engineering for the visual

The first car in line is essentially working as a fullback by clearing a hole in the air. The resistance faced by doing so puts a great deal of drag on the car, which significantly reduces its speed. Now, when a second car lines up and lays the front bumper against the rear of the other, the train ride begins. With no resistance, the speed the second car is able to travel is greatly increased thus propelling the front car forward at the same speed.

Pull out of line and you drop like a rock. We saw it multiple times Saturday night and even saw it come into play at the finish line. Had Denny Hamlin stayed glued to Ryan Newman’s bumper, Newman’s wallet might actually be fatter than his head.

Newman’s Fat Head – I feel bad for his mother.

 

Instead old Hambone went for the win as he should have in a cash-only race. That opened the door for Kurt Busch in the double-deuce (#22) with the quee-I mean nice guy, Jamie MacMurray, in the #1 pushing him to victory. Passes at the finish on these restrictor plate tracks have to be perfectly timed, and these guys work on it throughout practice all week long. Hambone’s timing was dead on but the double yellow line, equivalent to out of bounds, kept him out of victory lane. Either way, you can expect a similar finish on Sunday. BroNameth Prediction:  The guy leading the start of the last lap won’t be leading at the end of it.

NASCAR Listening to Fans But Scared of Lawyers

With speeds topping out around 206 or 207, NASCAR is sweating bullets trying to find a way to bring them down to a level they’re comfortable with. Frankly, I’m all for dumb-and-fast no matter what we’re talking about. The problem is the “have at it boys” style of racing at 207mph isn’t dumb. It’s asinine and is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

While improvements have been made, we’ve seen too many cars go airborne at high speeds the last few years and NASCAR can’t afford for one of them to land on Junior Nation’s seating area.

Dale Sr. placing Tony Stewart gingerly into the wall. ©Comcast

No disrespect but just ask The NHRA (drag racing for you uneducated ones out there) how a fan’s death has affected them. They now run 1/8-mile runs instead of ¼-mile. The Result: It’s like watching firework duds go off side by side over and over; it’s promising for the first 2 seconds and then you feel like someone pissed in your cereal bowl. If you’re on a Saturday night binder and find yourself up at 7am on Sunday, you can watch some NHRA and see what I’m talking about

To slow the cars down, NASCAR is mandating changes to the airflow and cooling systems of the cars. The anticipated result is that those cars pushing another car from behind will be able to do so for a shorter period of time. Limited airflow equates to higher engine temperatures. Guys aren’t going to push as hard if their engine is about to blow. In theory, this will not slow the cars down when in open air or when drafting. It will simply limit the amount of time they can stay glued together.

If NASCAR doesn’t see an acceptable change in practice and in the Gatorade Duels on Thursday afternoon (set your DVR by the way), expect to see changes in the size of the restrictor plate. This is the metal plate that sits on top of the carburetor-opening to limit the amount of airflow to the engine. The more air, the faster you go and vice versa. We should all be hoping it doesn’t come to that. Dear little, baby Jesus, please don’t let it come to that. BRO NOTE: As of press time, NASCAR announced all teams will be issued a smaller restrictor plate for all remaining events at Daytona. Details to follow…

Speedweeks - Schedule

Thursday, 2/17: Gatorade Duels, 2pm ET on SPEED

-These twin, 60-lap heat races will feature everyone in the 500 field minus Junior and Jeff Gordon because they already have locked in grid spots 1 and 2 by qualifying fastest on Sunday. The rest of the field will be set based on the duel results.

Friday, 2/18: NextEra Energy Resources, 250 7:30p, ET on SPEED

-This race will mark the beginning of the Camping World Truck series season. Truck racing on pavement didn’t make a whole lot sense to me when I first got into NASCAR, but then I actually watched one. They’re just like Mark Sanchez’ love life: short, rough, and filled with young talent.

Saturday, 2/19: Drive4COPD 300, 1pm ET on ESPN2

-This is the one event this weekend I’m willing to sacrifice for the greater good of my relationship with the ball-and-chain. Why? It’s longer and is not as exciting as the truck race and - worst of all - Danica Patrick is racing. That’ll just ruin my mood. Plus, how exciting is Nationwide racing really going to be this year? By forcing the drivers to compete for the championship in either Nationwide or Sprint Cup, we’re left with amateur hour in Nationwide. While it’ll serve as a great feeder series much like the minors in baseball and hockey, do I really want to watch a buncha nobodies go around the same track I’m going to watch the big boys go around on Sunday? That’s just me though.

Sunday, 2/20: The Great ‘Merican Race, 1pm ET on FOX

-200+mph bumper to bumper, 43 cars, Darrell Waltrip & Jeff Hammond commentary, Crank It Up, and a moment of silence through lap 3 as a tribute to the only Earnhardt that matters. Need I say more?

BRO RANKINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

Corey Rose and Uncle Clark will post their BRO RANKINGS for this weekend’s race. Check back Thursday Afternoon.

BRO RATINGS: Budweiser Shootout

BRO RATINGS: Budweiser Shootout

By Uncle Clark

The pavement is even. The banking is uniform. The paint is fresh. With the quality of Daytona Motor Speedway’s new racing surface even a Mack Truck could turn a fast corner.

Saturday’s Budweiser Shootout (FOX, 8 P.M.) is our first look at the 2011 season. This isn’t your typical race. This is the concentrated version of the best of NASCAR. It’s the racing equivalent of those frozen orange juice canisters a cheap mother would buy. Except in this case we add race fuel.  I’d be down to try that mix:

Here is why you will watch Saturday’s race:

1.       The FedEx Cup of Racing: This is an invitation-only event. Only drivers who raced in last year’s Chase, are former series champions or have won at Daytona are allowed in the clubhouse. You will see trademark names battling against each other in one of the fastest venues in the circuit.

2.       Straight Cash, Homey. The Average Purse of the Budweiser Shootout: $1,148,414. If you win this, fishing gets real affordable.

3.        0% Financing on Cars: Most of the teams have a car designated to race exclusively in the Shootout. They build the machine to be fast, they build it to win and they do not care if it comes back to the shop or leaves on a wrecker. You’re there to win.

4.       Quick and Dirty: The race is only 75 laps broken into two segments (25 and 50). There is a 10-minute session in-between segments for car adjustments. The last 50 laps promises to be some of the most exciting in Daytona’s recent history. The new pavement is sticky and will allow cars to race on all areas of the track. The result: Three- and four-wide racing comes standard.

5.       Racing Under the Lights: It’s like your paycheck…Everything goes faster at night.

BRO RATINGS:

A few weeks ago, NASCAR opened up Daytona for a weekend’s worth of testing so drivers and their teams could establish a direction with their racing setups. BroNameth Sports analyzed the statistics for each of the 5 testing sessions and developed an equation (mainly addition) to establish their BRO RATING. Here is how the drivers stack:

BRO RATINGS: The Budweiser Shootout

1.       Joey Logano #20: First of all, I do not like this guy. I am not sure if he switches dugouts and he has a better job than I do.  But he tore up the Nationwide Series and posted ridiculous numbers at testing. He finished in the top-10 in four of the five testing sessions, a statistic only Jeff Gordon could match. But even Gordon couldn’t hold a candle to Logano’s average speed of 191.583 MPH. Gordon’s average: 186.745 MPH. This kid can roll.

2.       Denny Hamlin #11: Consistency pays. Denny saw his lack of it lead to another Jimmy Johnson championship last year. Judging by his numbers at testing, he may have turned the corner. He finished second in Average Speed at 191.54 MPH to his teammate Logano. He posted a top speed of 197.737 MPH, which fell short to Brad Keselowski’s and Kurt Busch’s final segment speeds of 198.605 MPH and 198.579 MPH, respectively. Here’s the good news for Denny: The only reason Brad hit that pace was because his teammate Kurt was pushing him. Brad isn’t racing in the Shootout and Kurt – the only remaining Dodge – will have no help in the draft.

3.       Kyle Busch #18: The guy is good. He has matured over the last few seasons to cool his temper, but this race is built for his kind of attitude. He matched the top speed of his teammate, Denny Hamlin in testing at 197.737 MPH and posted a respectable average speed. You can be sure that Logano, Hamlin and Busch – all Joe Gibbs Racing teammates – will push each other to the front.

4.       Tony Stewart #14: Finally a driver not racing a Toyota comes into our BRO RANKINGS. Tony finished 6^th in the Average Speed category at testing. He did this without participating in the final session where Top Speeds were posted by almost every team. What does this mean: The 14 Car had all the information they needed. Tony went trolling for track women while his engineers collaborated with those at Hendrick Motorsports. They’ll be ready and Stewart will have plenty of Chevrolets to help push him to the front.

5.       Kasey Kahne #4: Your boy. Finished fourth in Average Speed at 189.902 MPH and with a Top Speed of 197.659 MPH. If you look at the numbers exclusively, he should be ahead of Tony Stewart in the BRO RATINGS. The problem: Like Kurt Busch, his drafting help in Brian Vickers will be riding the pine on Saturday. Although he too will be racing a Toyota, the engineering departments of Red Bull take a back seat to the reputation of Joe Gibbs Racing. Kahne put out some strong numbers and showed consistency at testing. His team will have to do the same.

HONORABROS:

-          Jimmy Johnson #48 – Don’t want to talk about it…He’ll be around and Chad Knauss will be arrogant.

-          Jeff Gordon #24 – (BroNameth Reader Nick Ball’s Driver) -  He and BRO RATINGS leader Joey Logano were the only drivers to post four top-10 finishes in the five testing sessions. His Top Speed is impressive. His Average Speed - meeehhhhhh.

-          Carl Edwards #99 – Because he’s dangerous

-          Kevin Harvick #29 – His new Budweiser car is top quality. And because she says so (Muh. Hum. Eh. Duh. Times 3):




UPCOMING TOPICS:

- Proper Rebel Yells

- Beer Opening Tricks

- Daytona 500 Preview

NASCAR’s Feminine Side

NASCAR’s Feminine Side

 By: Corey Rose

Don’t worry. The following article is not about the empowerment or increased prevalence of women within the racing world. In fact, it’s more of the opposite so if you’re a women’s lib major, you best be finding a new article to read. It’s not that we are trying to demean women here or anything. Danica and the Sprint girls do enough of that for the rest of us. We just want to highlight some of the finer points of the female role in NASCAR from yesterday and today.

Back in the purest of days for NASCAR, being Miss Winston Cup was the equivalent of being chosen as Miss America without the in-depth questions that are inevitably answered with, “world peace”. It was a job for a young lady who didn’t mind a pair of short shorts, high heels, and a little track grime in her perm; the woman who was willing to trade Rodeo Drive for Gasoline Alley. Put on the pearly white smile, land a kiss on the driver’s cheek for a picture, and enjoy the party. What did Miss Winston Cup do with the rest of her race weekend you might ask? She delivered cigarettes to all of the drivers, crew chiefs, and mechanics and she had their brand of choice memorized. That is a fine woman, right there.

If you know what things are like today, you’re probably asking yourself “what the hell happened?” Yeah, so are we and every other NASCAR personality. No more cigs, no more kisses, and no more fun. When you watch a race these days, Miss Sprint Cup is making a b-line for the exit as soon as the beverage du jour starts flying in victory lane. Miss Winston Cup was there to lap the Budweiser out of Dale Sr.’s mustache. Miss Sprint Cup, Monica Palumbo, calls the term trophy girl absolutely offensive.  Former Miss Winston Cup Patti Petty may have coined the term trophy wife when she married Kyle Petty after meeting him for the first time in Victory Lane. She laid a big fat one on Kyle after a hard fought win not because she wore Greek letters and was eight beers deep, but because it was her honor and duty. That’s ‘Merican. On the flip side, Miss Sprint Cup filed a complaint with NASCAR when Tony Stewart kissed her ON THE CHEEK after winning the Brickyard 400 in 2007. 

While Danica and Miss Sprint Cup continue to bring the sport and women everywhere down, there is one group of females that bring it week in and week out: the wives. From Kyle Busch’s Lyla Garrity lookalike to Juan Pablo Montoya’s south of the border sizzler to DeLana Harvick’s infamous firesuit, these women are hotter than a set of Goodyear’s on a Bristol Saturday night. Not only do they know how to look good on the starting grid, these women know racing. They don’t just hang out in the right southern bars waiting for a big name to walk in. They’ve got cred. DeLana Harvick spent her childhood at the track with her dad, Paul Linville, who raced in what is now the Nationwide series until 1995. Needless to say, she wasn’t wearing a jumper and hocking cookies.

The sad thing is that while these women could give the top crew chief in the game a run for his money, Danica Patrick shows us every time she shows up to a NASCAR event that she doesn’t belong.  She’s whiney, she doesn’t know stock car racing from an allen wrench, and she enunciates. She just doesn’t fit. Period.  Thanks to GoDaddy.com and the ad agency that managed to make antifreeze sexual, she gets more face time than most Chase contenders. At the same time, the driver’s wives are out on fundraising tours for organizations like Victory Junction and Speediatrics yet receive very little recognition. Lucky for us and thanks to her lack of success, it doesn’t look like Danica will be making any giant steps for womankind in racing.

NASCAR Fans Wanted

NASCAR Fans Wanted

By Uncle Clark

One. There has been one comment in the first two weeks of Bro Nameth’s NASCAR coverage. It came from none other than the site’s founder, Chris McDonald. That’s about as meaningful as a scratch-and-sniff sticker on a preschooler’s art project.

We’re not looking for accolades. We’re looking to start the conversation. Here is why Bro Nameth’s readers should follow the sport. Here are the reasons you should become a fan of NASCAR:

1.        This boat is real. Jay Cutler isn’t fit to sell the programs for this sport. You don’t make it into NASCAR without laying it all on the line. The stories of most of the guys past and present in the series bet everything they had on their ambition and their will to win. In this sport, there aren’t athletic scholarships and there sure as hell aren’t draft picks. There are 43 spots in the top series and there are thousands that want in. You want proof? Head to your local hometrack. I’m talking about places where race teams are families; places where drivers are competing for sponsorship dollars against teams from men’s softball leagues. Careers begin here. Dreams die here. Racing happens in between.

2.       The sport is rooted in moonshine, a beach and the will to win. The booze isn’t what’s impressive. It’s the fact that an act of civil disobedience in the time of prohibition developed into a national pastime on the coastal sands of Florida. Bootleggers boring out cylinders to outrun the feds have become physics professors looking to outpace the competition. It’s a unique story. It’s an American story. It should be yours.

3.       Bristol. Motor. Speedway. Some genius looked at a toilet bowl and thought it looked like a race track. And he was right. 43 cars line up on a ½ mile track with a banking angle that notches as high as 30 degrees. Drivers then turn 15-second laps at speeds exceeding 120 mph in front of 165,000 fans who brought their own beer under the lights of an August night. The only things brighter than the Budweiser cans are the brake calipers glowing red over the course of 500 laps. To quote a bro:

4.       Rachel Nichols doesn’t cover NASCAR. Stop moving your hands when you talk woman.

5.       The Radio. You have complete access to the communications of your race team. Everything from the crew chief’s race strategy to the driver’s choice of Gatorade is aired to the public. You know when your driver is pitting, what adjustments the car is taking and exactly how pissed he is when he gets loose in a corner. What happens over the radio is unscripted and uncensored. You have full access to the adrenaline-fueled emotion that comes from 200 MPH.

6.       The race weekend. You will meet the best people in the world at a NASCAR race. Camping in a field outside a racetrack for three days will restore your faith in America. Here’s a quick comparison: Last year I went to a hippy music festival and I had everything down to my Frisbee stolen…Peace, Love, my ass. The year before I went to the Cocacola 600 in Concord, NC and when I came back from a beer run somebody had picked up my empties. Wonder where I am going this year?

7.       It’s racing. If you follow IRL or Formula-1, you’re in the right zip code, but you’re watching a traction controlled version of vanilla pudding. In NASCAR, bumping into the guy next to you is just a part of the sport. In open wheel it’s a death wish. Drivers police themselves and when one gets out of line he is put in the wall on the next lap. Teams will do anything it takes to win. If it means taking the leader out than watch what happens. Most of these points may sound redneck and that’s because they are. But the result of this attitude is a competition and a sport that is unmatched.

Becoming a NASCAR fan takes time. I used to be like you: I made fun of this sport. Then my roommate in college forced me to watch a couple of races. When you see drivers run four-wide on a track only wide enough for three you begin to recognize the adrenaline that brought them there. It’s only a matter of time before you feel that adrenaline yourself.

We’re only a few weeks away from the Budweiser Shootout, a glorified all star-race on the world’s most storied racetrack – Daytona.  Bro Nameth will have you prepped, but we want you talking.