Happy Crappy Monday......Volume 11.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 11.0

By: J-Shannon

Christmas has come and gone, and it’s now time to look forward to the New Year’s Eve weekend, and big Bowl Games. I myself will be in Jacksonville, FL, for the Gator Bowl. I’m going to watch Mississippi State battle with the Wolverines of Michigan. Personally, I don’t care who wins the game, as long as it is a good game, with some good Weather, and a couple of ice cold Brews.  

1.       Monday Night Football Countdown

It’s another Monday Night, and that means there is another game on Monday Night Football. Normally, I would watch the game no matter who is playing, but this game is an exceptionally large football game. The Dirty Birds are battling their arch rival Saints, with the opportunity to win the division. Even if the birds lose tonight, they will have an opportunity to wrap up the division next week against the pathetic Panthers. But I think by winning tonight, the Birds would be making a solid statement, a statement saying they are the team to beat this year in the NFC. I’m hoping the Dome is packed and rocking, and hoping that the fans of the Birds are preparing themselves for some playoff football! Let’s make a statement, and make it possible to rest a couple of starters next week.

2.       Blizzard up and Down the East Coast

Did we get a white Christmas in the South East? Well not really, but we did get a day after Christmas snow storm. It was nice to see the family out playing in the snow, and having a good time. I’m actually surprised, usually the South East panics when there is a snow storm. It didn’t seem to crazy this year. My home town ended up with about 4 inches, which isn’t too shabby…..

3.       Deuces Tom Coughlin…

Coach Coughlin, go ahead and start sending your Thank You Cards out. Here is a little suggestion as to what his Thank you cards might look like…..

Dear Eli- Thank you for continually throwing pick after pick. Those 2 turnovers a game sure do help your team get a head start on the opponent.

Dear Matt Dodge- For Christmas, we should have got you a hearing Aid. If I’m not mistaken, I told you to your face not to kick the ball to DeSean Jackson. Thanks for not only kicking it to him, but kicking a line drive to give him plenty of time to see the field and pick and choose his way to the end zone.

Dear Brandon Jacobs- You have one main job on the team: Hold the football, and run with it. How about in the off season, work on part one. HOLD THE FOOTBALL. Thanks.

Dear Justin Tuck and the Rest of the D- Thanks for nothing. Although you have the reputation for being a tough D that knocks out opposing QB’s, you got scorched for 45 points against the Packers Sunday afternoon. Not only did you possibly cost the team the playoffs, but you may have also cost me my job. I think it is only fair for you to pay the $21.95 monthly membership fee for the Gold Membership to Monster.com for me, so that I can post my resume….

So Tom, when you received your pink slip and are about to head out the door, throw up your “Deuces” because you should be a little bit bitter. You would think your team would give you a little more effort on their part to help not only save the team’s season, but also save your job.  

4.       24 Hours of A Christmas Story…

Possibly one of the best Idea’s ever. In my household, when Christmas Eve rolls around, 24 Hours of a Christmas Story is on constantly. I honestly feel like I have seen it over 100 times, but when the movie is on in our living room, that’s how I know it is Christmas time.

5.       LeBron wins the first Battle, but Kobe will win the War…

Congrats LeBron and crew, you did your thing on Christmas Day. You took down the Lakers. But it was just one game. I hate to tell you, but if you want to win the ship, you have to beat the Lakers 4 out of 7 times. That’s assuming you get past the Celtics and the Magic. By the way LeBron, keep away from Ron Artest. What were you thinking getting in your little scuffle with him? That dude is from the Bronx, and would beat you down faster than you can say “What should I Do?”

6.       To Catch a Predator, best Show Ever….

If it is late night, and you cant sleep, or if you are feeling bad about yourself and need a moral boost, change it to MSNBC and check out “To Catch a Predator.” This show is priceless. What better people to make fun of than a 46 year old married man, who is chatting about sex to a 13 year old child. I love when the loser shows up at the door, with a 12 pack of “Mikes Hard Lemonade” and some condoms. When the host, Chris Hanson, asks the predator what he is doing at the little girl’s house, the usual reply is something along the lines of: “we were just going to hang out, or we def. weren’t going to have sex.” It makes it even better when the host reads the transcript from the online chat. Check it out if you have nothing better to do, it will def. make you feel better about yourself.

7.       A look back at the 2005 NFL Draft

Let’s take a trip down memory lane, to the 2005 NFL Draft. Why the 2005 draft? Well I was watching a game this weekend and it reminded me of the 2005 draft. Think back to who was picked first that year….. You remember? Alex Smith was taken first by the 49ers. They had a choice between him and a guy named Aaron Rodgers, and chose Smith…. Sucks to be the 49ers. It goes to show you that knowing the draft class inside and out is so vitally important to an organization. Some teams get it (Falcons and Patriots) and some teams don’t (Lions and 49ers).

8.       TUESDAY night Football…. Yea I’ll take it…..

So the Blizzard in the North East did do one thing, it rescheduled Sunday night’s game to Tuesday. That works for me, as it looks like I’ll watch NFL games Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday of this week. Hey, no complaints here, the more NFL the better in my book By the way, it will be an Eagles Beat down over old man Favre and the Vikings….

9.       Reality TV…

OK, I am willing to admit I am a sucker for some reality TV. I’ve got a few shows I have been watching lately that I need to pass along….

-Auction Kings-Filmed a block from my house in ATL, follows an auction gallery. Pretty Solid.

-Pawn Stars- Filmed out in Las Vegas, following the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop.

-Storage Wars- Follows guys who buy Storage Units not knowing what’s inside in order to make   $$$

 -Swamp People- Follows Hillbillies in the Swamps in Louisiana as they hunt for Gators.

10.   THE TOP 10 in the TOP 10….

In honor of Number 7 above, we have a unique Top 10 this week. Sometimes teams find gold in the first round of the draft, and some teams are lucky enough to find gold in the 6^th and 7^th rounds. Here is a top 10 list of NFL Players who went UNDRAFTED in the Past 10 YEARS…..

2010- LEGARRETTE BLOUNT-Oregon- The verdict is still out, but it looks like so far Blount is the guy teams are wishing they would have looked at a little harder. Of course his punching a guy in the face post game incident is ultimately why he was passed up, but the Bucs are sure enjoying his hard nosed running…..

2009- ARIAN FOSTER- Tennessee- Who knew an undrafted RB who had a mediocre college career would be starting in front of a guy named Steve Slayton. Foster has killed it all year for the disappointing Texans, and looks to be their back for the next few years. Keep in mind they are paying him next to nothing for all of this work, because he went undrafted.

2008- BENJARVUS GREEN-ELLIS- It is no surprise that the Patriots discovered an undrafted gem. The team has been the model franchise for the past 10 years. They are known for finding guys who fly under the radar, but deliver on the field.

2007- PIERRE THOMAS- Illinois- What has this undrafted RB done for the Saints? Only lead them to the Super Bowl and helped win the game. Thomas has been a nice compliment to Reggie Bush, doing the bulk of the heavy carrying up the middle.

2006- MILES AUSTIN- Monmouth State- It took a couple of years for this one to develop, but Miles has turned into the big play threat for the Cowboys. The guy Is on a team with 2 First Round receiver picks, yet is the Number One guy.

2005- Joshua Cribbs- Kent State- Ask any casual football fan to name a player that plays for the Cleveland Browns, and the majority of people can only name Joshua Cribbs. I actually feel bad for him for being found by the horrible Browns. The guy needs to finish out that contract and get out of their ASAP….

2004 WES WELKER- Texas Tech- I know what you are thinking, another good find by the Patriots. Actually no, the Chargers found Welker, but somehow let him go to New England. Welker is the ultimate possession receiver, slashing up opponents defenses left and right. You don’t think he is valuable, look at Brady’s numbers with him and without him…..

2003 ANTONIO GATES- Kent State- Another Kent State player, Gates has been one of if not the best TE in the past 5 years. Phillip Rivers uses the guy as his security blanket. The man will catch anything thrown in his vicinity, and blocks with the best of them….

2002 JAMES HARRISON- Kent State- I have learned 2 things in doing this list. Number 1, the 2002-2006 Kent State team had some studs playing for them. Number 2, if you are looking for some hidden gems, check Kent State. If you watch Sportscenter, Harrison is no one new to you. He is the guy who gets fined weekly for lighting people up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. The man can flat out play linebacker.

2001 ANTONIO PIERCE- Arizona- Antonio was the rock in the middle of the Defense that lead the New York Giants to the Super Bowl. Yea he is out of the league now, but he was one of the best LB’s in the NFL for about 8 solid years.

2000 SHAUN O’HARA- Rutgers- Look at the Giants doing it again. Shaun O’Hara is a stud who to this day anchors the O’Line for the Giants. The man goes to Pro Bowls like it is mandatory in his contract. What a steal for the Giants.

I will be adding the "Non Bro" of the week. This goes to someone who no matter what they do from here on out will never be a Bro no matter what because of something that has happened in the past. This weeks award goes to this guy:



As always, it has been a pleasure. Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.

Happy Crappy Monday Morning......Volume 10.0

Happy Crappy Monday Morning……Volume 10.0

By: J-Shannon

It’s Christmas time people…. You have to love this time of year. You go to work on time, but only do about 60% of what you normally would do. No one gets work done over the next couple of weeks. People are planning family time, what they are doing for Christmas, and searching for some last minute Christmas gifts. What better way to kick off Christmas then with a Happy Crappy Monday Morning, the Christmas edition. Enjoy…..

1.       Dirty Birds Flying High –

12-2. Man that sounds good. I’ll admit, I was extremely skeptical about Matt Ryan being drafted when he did. But what the hell do I know? I think this team is special. They are good, but not great. They are confident, not cocky. They get things done the hard way, by pounding the ball with Turner and Snelling, and wearing down the defense. Matt Ryan doesn’t try and force plays, he just takes what the defense gives him. It is amazing how much better your team plays when you have third and short situations, as opposed to third and long. It seems every time the Falcons have third down this season, it is only 3 or 4 yards to go. This team is special. This team has an opportunity to do something special…. How big is that Monday night football game at the Dome against the Saints going to be? Does home field advantage throughout the playoffs mean anything to you?

2.       MV7 = MVP

Look, I know Tom Brady is a stud. I know his numbers are unreal. I know he is going to go down as one of the best Quarterbacks ever. But if you took him away from that team, would there be that much of a fall off? Yea, they wouldn’t have gone 12-2, but I think it’s safe to say they would have made the playoffs. Now, take Michael Vick away from the Eagles. You’re talking a completely different team. The guy is single handily leading the Eagles to the playoffs on fire. Their O-Line is shaky; doesn’t matter, Vick breaks a tackle or 2 and scrambles for 40 yards. Maclin and Jackson are killing it lately, because they have a guy with an arm that can use their speed to his advantage. This team is hot, and is being led by a guy who has completely changed from the player and person he was 3 years ago. I’ll put it to you this way, I’m excited to see how far the Falcons go into the playoffs, but I damn sure don’t want to have to play MV7 or the Eagles.

3.       All the Miami Heat and King James Haters, where Did you Go?

You know it is funny, the Heat lose a couple of games, and everyone thinks it was a huge mistake for King James to “Take his Talents” to Miami. Well, the Heat is starting to get their shit together. They have won 12 in a row. Actually, they haven’t lost a game this month, and it’s the 20^th of the month. The more time that Wade and King James spend together on the court, the better this combination is going to get. If you were hating on the Heat, and talking about how this combination wasn’t going to work out, then you might want to consider hating on some other team…..

4.       The Town – Solid Flick

I had a chance to lie around on the couch Sunday night, and decided to switch it up from my normal routine. Normally, it’s a night to get my column together, and watch Faith Hill kick off Sunday Night Football. But this Sunday, I decided to watch The Town. Great flick, I highly recommend checking it out. I’m normally not a Ben Affleck fan, but he rocked it in this movie. Anytime you have a movie that’s action packed, involves a bank robbery or 2, and somehow finds a way to incorporate a professional sports team, it’s going to be a winner. This movie is a solid Bro flick…

5.       57^th Fighter Group Restaurant Review…..

You know how it works, I rank based on the following categories: Atmosphere, Talent Level, Cheddar Factor, Drink Accessibility, and Playlist.

·         Atmosphere 9….. This place is great and unique. The restaurant is a themed restaurant, with the feeling of eating on a military base. From the military cars in the parking lot, to the guard gate at the entrance, to the sandbags on the walls, it really gives the feel of a military base. Also, don’t expect to hear music while in the bathroom, instead plan to hear famous war generals giving motivational speeches.

·         Talent Level 6…. One word, COUGAR! Cougars are on the prowl at this place. Keep your eyes peeled, and be prepared, because you will get hit on.

·         Cheddar Factor 7…. It’s a little on the high side, but it is nicer than your ordinary restaurant. The food was amazing. I recommend getting a steak. Also, if you are on active duty, just bring an ID. It is free, as a thanks for your service.

·         Drink Accessibility 8…. The place is a pretty good sized restaurant. There are multiple bars, and cocktail waitresses everywhere. I didn’t have any problem getting a drink in this place.

·         Playlist  6….. Yea, they had a DJ for the dance floor. But their music selection was a little more suited for the Cougars in the bar than anyone else. It is a little old school. Don’t expect to hear anything from the 2000 era.

·         FINAL SCORE = 36…. Translation: Check it out. It is definitely worth the atmosphere, at least once. Also, if you have anyone from the WWII Era, I’m told they have to go, because it is a solid reminder of the past.

6.       DeSean Jackson made the Giants his Bitch….

This won’t take long. Hey Giant fans, how did that make you feel? Look, 14 seconds left in the game, there should not be a remote chance that that punt lands anywhere close to in bounds. It’s that simple. Mr. Coughlin, there is a guy in North Carolina right now, and his name is Bill Cowher. He is preparing to put the old whistle around his neck again, and get back into Coaching in the NFL. That kick off your punter’s foot might as well have been your job if you don’t win the Super Bowl this year……By the way, if you missed it, here it is…..

7.       The NFL

Watch the clip below. You mean to tell me that Tyler Brayton gets fined 15k for that hit and the poor JETS assistant who makes about 80k gets popped for 25k?? Cmon Goodell this is embarrassing. Not only should Tyler Brayton be suspended, Curtis Lofton should take him out back and beat his ass. Have a look see:

8.       Get the Resume’s Ready, Vacancies Everywhere after Christmas

Come January, there are going to be multiple coaching jobs open in the NFL. Hell, so far there are already 3, with the Cowgirls, Broncos, and the Vikings open. But in my eyes, there are going to be a few more. Keep an eye on the Texans, who seem to add talent ever year but remain mediocre. The Titans, who look like they are going to make the stupid decision to choose Vince Young over Jeff Fischer. The Panthers, although who wants that job. The Giants, just because New York doesn’t put up with the type of crap that happened yesterday. (See #6). Other possibilities include Jacksonville and San Fran. Bad news for you Atlanta fans, don’t be surprised if your Offensive Coordinator is a head coach somewhere else next year.

9.       Greinke= From Shittiest to Just Shitty

Just a quick Congrats to Zack Greinke, you left the really shitty team you have been playing for, and now play for just a Shitty team. Congrats.

10. The Top 10 in the Top 10…….

Oh the Top 10. This week is special; it is the Christmas top 10. But the top 10 Christmas movies have been done, so I decided to switch it up a bit. I did the Top 10 Dysfunctional family members in a Christmas movie. Enjoy, and don’t act like you don’t have any of these family members in your family.

1.       UNCLE EDDIE – Christmas Vacation: Possibly my favorite Christmas Character of all time, How could you have a dysfunctional family without Uncle Eddie? Showing up in his horrible RV, with his dog Snots, Eddie somehow charms you into liking him. Everyone has an uncle Eddie in their family.

Favorite Quote:  “Shitter was full Clark!”

2.       BUZZ MCCALLISTER – Home Alone:  What a great older brother. Buzz was that annoying older brother who did anything he could do to get on your nerves. The fact that he ate an entire pizza just to piss his younger brother off is priceless. The downside to Buzz, his girlfriend…. WOOF.

Favorite Quote: “No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.”

3.       MR. PARKER- A Christmas Story: Don’t act like you don’t watch this movie at least twice when it is on for 24 hours on TBS. One of the best movies of all time in my book, Mr. Parker reminds everyone of their own father in one way or another. You have to love the old man, complaining about the neighbors dogs, loving his leg lamp, and having his special ways of fixing the problems in the house.

Favorite Quote: “What is a lamp, you nincompoop? It's a Major Award. I won it!”

4.       Dr. NEIL MILLER (Step dad)- The Santa Clause- Tell me you remember the Santa Clause? Tim Allen was great, but my favorite character in that movie was the Stepfather, Neil. Why? I want just one of those phenomenal sweaters’ he used to wear. They were better than anything Mr. Cosby use to wear.

Favorite Quote: “All I ever wanted for Christmas was an Oscar Meyer Weiner whistle.”

5.       BUDDY THE ELF- ELF: I know he isn’t a family member in a movie, but how can you have a Christmas list without adding Buddy.

Favorite Quote:” I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands”

6.       UNCLE FRANK- Home Alone: Everyone has the annoying cheap uncle in the family. Uncle Frank is that uncle. He doesn’t let you watch the good movies, and treats you like a child. Uncle Frank was an ass.

Favorite Quote: “Look what you did you little Jerk”

7.       AUNT BETHANY- Christmas Vacation: What a sweet old lady. She is deaf, and wraps her cat up as a gift. Every line she has in the movie is priceless. From the moment she is suppose to say the Blessing, and actually says the Pledge of Allegiance, to the part where she hears the squirrel. Everyone loves Aunt Bethany.

Favorite Quote: “Oh Dear, did I break wind?”

      8.       DENVER AND DALLAS MCVIE- 4 Christmases: Everyone has those siblings they want to just pound. Well Denver and Dallas McVie are training for the UFC so no dice when Brad rolls in for Christmas.

             Favorite Quote: "Hey Brad, lick my gonads."

       9.       SCOTT CALVIN- The Santa Claus:   What happens when you accidentally kill Santa Claus? You become him. Your boy Scott Calvin has got some serious stories to tell at his sons Career Day.

             Favorite Quote: "We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liqour, played with my shot guns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women..."

        10.     THE KID- Bad Santa: Seriously his name in the movie is The Kid. Everyone knows that chubby kid who has the cheeks that look like they are going to explode. This is that kid.

              Favorite Quote: "It's a wooden pickle."

 Leave me your thoughts and comments on the facebook post…. Special shout out to Meghan McClamb for the help on the top 10. See you all Friday morning Suckazzzzzz.