BroRankings going into Sin City

BroRankings going into Sin City

By: Corey Rose

So here we are, off and running in the 2011 season. Now that we’re past the wild card that is Daytona and have seen some 1 mile short track racing in Mexi-I mean Arizona, it’s time to head to Vegas for a cookie cutter track. They call the mile and halfers cookie cutters because it’s become the standard layout of NASCAR tracks these days. The banking, width, and pavement may vary from one to another, but these tracks really separate the contenders from the Trevor Baynes because we see a lot of them-and most tracks twice-as we head towards the championship.

1. As his losing streak was just climbing over the retirement age, ole Jeff Gordon put the AARP Chevy in victory lane for the first time, and he did it with style. He was bounced off the wall earlier in the day, managed to keep it pretty clean from then on, and then gave the Busch Bro to beat at Phoenix a dose of his own medicine with less than 10 to go. With a new crew chief, team, and sponsor, watch out for the 24 to take this momentum and run with it. Oh, and at Vegas since the intro if the car of tomorrow, this wine sipping pipsqueak has led more than the double the laps anyone else has, has the highest driver rating, and an average finish of 4.5.

2. I know. By ranking Kyle Busch second in the power rankings, I’m just repeating the Phoenix finishing order, but if I ranked him any lower, I’d be eating my words come Sunday. Plus, he came a couple hundred feet away from completing the weekend sweep for the second time in his career. We’re heading into the Busch Bros’ hometown with them 1 and 2 in the point standings. While his finish at Vegas last year was an mediocre 15^th, he won the year before. Plus, at Daytona and Phoenix, he was the best finisher from the Joe Gibbs stable yet he was involved or almost involved in more cautions than I can count. The only thing that might derail him this week would be some Cousin Carl payback for ruining his Subway 500 run this past weekend. If you don’t know anything about Carl’s history with revenge, watch this.

I really thought Carl would have axed the white gloves after they gave him up on this one.

3. Kurt Busch is just on a tear so far this year. After a win in the Bud Shootout, a win in his Haterade Duel, and two Top 10s in the first two races, Kurt and Dodge are flexing their muscle. Remember, NASCAR’s new point system is built to reward consistency. This guy understands that. He hasn’t had the success his bro has had in their hometown, but Dodge hasn’t looked this good in years either. Plus, with a nickname like the “Double Deuce”, also the name of the shitty bar Sam Elliot and Patrick Swayze cleaned up in the 80’s masterpiece, Road House, he’s gotta be able to whoop some ass.

On a side note, if you’ve never seen Road House, watch this clip and call me on Monday after you’ve gone out and picked this one out of Wally World’s DVD Five Buck Bin. If you don’t feel a significant increase in tesBrosterone levels, it’s time to call Brose Canseco and try some Human Browth Hormones.

4. I hate to do this but have to for the sake of honest writing, Jimmie Johnson has to get a spot in our 5. He got collected in the Daytona crap shoot but bounced back very well with a 3^rd at Phoenix. Last year he won this race. The year before that, he shit the bed. In 9 races, his average finish is 10^th. That’s second to only Jeff Burton’s 9.92 for drivers with more than 5 appearances here. Unless 5 time racks up a buncha DNFs(did not finishes), you can probably count on him remaining on this list. He just never goes away no matter how much we want him to. He’s currently outside the Chase picture so enjoy it while it lasts, race fans.

5. For the 5^th and final spot in the BroRankings, I’ll give you a bit of a wild card to chew on. Look out for AJ Allmendinger to make some noise this weekend and as the year progresses. I truly believe this ugly duckling can bring Richard Petty and the #43 back to the glory days or at least close to it. Vegas hasn’t been his strong suit in the past, but the RPM cars are looking much more competitive since the size of the team was reduced for 2011. Also, the dude finished 11^th at Daytona, 9^th at Phoenix, and is sitting pretty tied for 3^rd in points with my boy, Tony Stewart. Dinger’s problem in the past has been consistency so that either needs to be corrected or he’s going to have to get into the Chase on wins alone.

Side note: You may have heard the IRL(Incompetent Racers Legion)is putting up $5 mil for any active driver from outside their gaggle of crash test dummies that qualifies and wins the season finale in Vegas. 5 drivers will be allowed to attempt this but will have to be approved by the IRL’s Idiocracy-level governance body. A lot of names have been mentioned like Scott Speed, Robby Gordon, Tony Stewart, JPM, etc. etc. but the only person to say he’s interested is the Dinger, who does have open wheel experience. If he does well on Sunday, this conversation is going to heat up. While it is intriguing, I don’t think Dinger is the NASCAR driver we should put our hopes on to further embarrass the U.S. open wheel nancies.

Side note 2: Mobil1 announced this week that Tony Stewart and Lewis Hamilton, the 2009 F1 Champ, will be meeting at Watkins Glen with their respective race prepped cars this summer. They’ll swap rides and see what they can do as a promotional event for Mobil1. Absolutely brilliant. These two have proven they can drive anything and giving them race prepped cars rather than doing some stupid demo in detuned cars with last year’s parts should be interesting. Plus, neither of these guys have reputations for following rules so you can count on some extracurriculars.

Bronorable Mention:

Carl Edwards: He looked great at Daytona and qualified on the pole for his sponsor’s race this past week. Due to a wrong place, wrong time situation, Carl didn’t really get a chance to show us what he had for race day in Arizona. In 6 races at Vegas Carl has a low of 26th, a high of 1^st, and an average of just under 13^th. Considering the improvements made to the new FR9 Ford engine package, I would say we can count on Cuz’s averages going up all year including this week.

Tony Stewart: Bias aside, Smoke looks pretty solid so far this year. Anyone that made it through the last two races without being involved in a caution has to be off to a pretty good start. In each race, we’ve had about half the field collected in one wreck or another. Smoke has managed to keep out of these messes by running up front consistently, something tough to do over a couple hundred mile race especially at Daytona. Again, consistency is king. It shows with him being 3^rd in the points, but this team has to find a way to be relevant after the last pit stop. They seem to go from potential winner to solid top 10 on the final run.

DisBronorable Mention:

Richard Childress Racing: Look here, RCR(minus Paul Menard because you’ll never really be a contender. They’re just taking your daddy’s money and telling him you’re part of the club). I tooted your horn big time going into Daytona and y’all sucked there and didn’t look much better at Phoenix. These guys are having a harder time keeping their noses clean than Charlie Sheen. Yes, it’s been a lot of bad luck, but under this new point system, teams can ill afford DNFs and 30 somethings. It’s time for the King of Beers and his boys to post some top 10s together. Their average finishes look pretty good going into the cesspool in the desert, but one could say the same for Daytona and Phoenix. Look how that turned out.

BRO RATINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

BRO RATINGS: DAYTONA EDITION

Uncle Clark’s:

1. Kurt Busch (#22 – Dodge): Wow, Clark. The guy that won the Budweiser Shootout; the same guy that didn’t even get an HONORABRO mention in your first BRO RATINGS is now at the top of your list? Groundbreaking. I have to admit: I missed this one.

What Kurt was able to do is incredible. He took the only Dodge in the field to the summit of a huge Benjamin pile. He wrote the next chapter on the politics of racing at Daytona; working with drivers from every garage in the draft and negotiating the final turn with Jamie MacMurry. What we thought was PR spin was as honest as the Bible – Dodge’s consolidation of resources really has produced a competitive race program. Their engineers could handle the record-setting pace of the Shootout. Other programs like Red Bull Racing were left wondering if the 22-team could spare any parts.

Now with the Daytona 500, Kurt Busch has his teammate Brad Keselowski (#2 – Dodge) back in the mix. Brad’s teeth are jacked, but his driving is quality. In the last practice Brad and Kurt posted the best average speed of drivers who completed 10-consecutive laps. Brad is the same guy that posted the fastest time back in testing. Kurt was pushing him the whole way.

2. Joey Logano (#20 – Toyota): Ol’ “light-in-his-loafers” didn’t exactly have both oars in the water during the Shootout, but most of that was outside of his control. He posts ridiculous numbers, as proof with his 200.062 MPH practice speed yesterday, which was second to only Kasey Kahne (#4 – Toyota). Problem for Kasey is their engineering department only has a Leatherman where as Logano and the Gibbs team posts up in the corner of an Ace Hardware. Joe Gibbs had all they needed for their race setups after testing a couple weeks back. They’re using practice to try aggressive setups and yesterday’s finish proved their program is ready for Sunday. Logano, Kyle Busch and Denny Hamlin – all Joe Gibbs teammates – finished in the top-10.

3. Denny Hamlin (#11 – Toyota): First of all, Denny…you’re an idiot. Your ignorance at the Budweiser Shootout cost you 160-grand in straight cash.  If you would have waited until the end of the corner you would have had a choice of either the high side or low side to get around Ryan Newman (#39 – Chevy). Worse yet, you would have had the side draft to make it easy. Haven’t you seen Talladega Nights? It’s the standard Sling-Shot move. Shit works. Instead you go out of bounds. Out. Of. Bounds. Remember Denny: Shake it before you bake it. You’re still in the BRO RANKINGS because I bet you won’t make that mistake twice.

4. Jamie McMurray (#1 – Chevy): For some reason BRONAMETH writer Corey Rose doesn’t like this guy. But the BRO shows up. Last year he won the Daytona 500 and the Brickyard 400, which are two of the three pillars of the Sprint Cup circuit. He finished second in the next two biggest races, the Southern 500 at Darlington and Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte Motor Speedway. He also proved to be a smart player by pushing rival Kurt Busch to the finish at the Budweiser Shootout last Saturday. Denny Hamlin should be taking notes. Jamie is a skilled driver at this track and has plenty of friends in the garage. I wonder if Kurt will pay it forward.

5. Kyle Busch (#18 – Toyota): Take a look at the video C-Rose is talking about (down the page). No further explanation is necessary. His practice speeds are strong. His testing numbers are promising. His reputation is pure Kyle Busch. He will be around the front, as long as Mark Martin (#5 – Should be Retired) doesn’t spin him out – again.

Honorabros:

Brad Keselowski (#2 – Dodge) – He is fast as an individual and redneck fast when he hooks up with his teammate Kurt Busch. Brad will be around the front on the final lap, but the lack of respect in the garage will have him put in the wall before the finish.

Kasey Kahne (#4 – Toyota) – Your boy. His numbers are solid – great top-end, solid average speed. As BRONAMETH SPORTS predicted, his downfall is in the engineering. Pick it up Red Bull. If he and teammate Brian Vickers (#83 – Toyota) can get together things will get interesting.

Stewart-Haas Racing: Either Tony Stewart or Ryan Newman could make it rain. We saw some solid indicators in the Shootout.

Corey Rose’s:

1. Jamie MacMurray: the dude is always fast on plate tracks, he won the 500 last year, and came damn close Saturday night to taking home a mil plus. Questionable mannerisms aside, this guy knows how to push from behind…wait a second.

2. Kurt Busch: it may seem bass ackwards to put the winner on Saturday night behind the runner-up but hear me out. While he has the best average finish at Daytona of 5.25 since NASCAR went to the car of tomorrow, there’s one glaring weakness I see. Kurt and his teammate, Brad Keselowski, are the only Dodge’s in the field. While manufacturers’ and teammates’ alliances didn’t seem to matter much at the Shootout, I’d expect that to change when there 43 cars on track instead of 24 and we go to points racing instead of straight cash.

3. Kevin Harvick: no matter who he worked with on Saturday, he was at the front of the pack until the end. I wouldn’t expect that to be the case on Sunday. He’ll be around at the end. Those Childress cars are just too good especially if they can find each other on the track. Plus, that black Bud car looks badaaaaaaassss.

4. Jeff Burton: ditto the above except for the Bud car part.

5. Kyle Busch: he had a rough go of it after that strange spin with Martin, but damn was he fast. All three of the Gibbs cars were fast but my money is on this guy. He’s the ballsiest of the 3 Gibbs boys and he’s matured enough that this may be his year.  Plus, he deserves mention alone for that well timed worst to first restart he pulled off in the Shootout restart. If you didn’t see it, check the video below. He’s the car that comes out of nowhere if you couldn’t figure it out. See what I’m talking about? Balls and brains.

Honorabros:

1. Denny Hamlin, Joe Logano, and Clint Boyer all deserve mention because their cars were great Saturday night, they’ve showed speed in testing, and their teammates are in the power rankings above. At Daytona, having a fast teammate can be more important than being fast yourself.

2. Everybody but Junior. Here’s why: the dude could not find success if it bit him on the ass, and until he does, he ain’t getting ranked. Yes, he was fast Saturday but he ended up behind the wall. Yes, he won the pole yesterday but who had the pole at last year’s Daytona 500? Exactly. It doesn’t mean squat. Junior Nation is citing his past Daytona and Talladega success but chew on this. Since the car of tomorrow was introduced, Dale’s average finish at Daytona is 20.75. Maybe he’ll be out by lap 3 so he can witness the tribute to his father, a true ‘Merican race hero. Plus, his Hendrick teammates didn’t make a whole lot of noise on Saturday night either. Again, thank you Jesus.

BRO RATINGS: Budweiser Shootout

BRO RATINGS: Budweiser Shootout

By Uncle Clark

The pavement is even. The banking is uniform. The paint is fresh. With the quality of Daytona Motor Speedway’s new racing surface even a Mack Truck could turn a fast corner.

Saturday’s Budweiser Shootout (FOX, 8 P.M.) is our first look at the 2011 season. This isn’t your typical race. This is the concentrated version of the best of NASCAR. It’s the racing equivalent of those frozen orange juice canisters a cheap mother would buy. Except in this case we add race fuel.  I’d be down to try that mix:

Here is why you will watch Saturday’s race:

1.       The FedEx Cup of Racing: This is an invitation-only event. Only drivers who raced in last year’s Chase, are former series champions or have won at Daytona are allowed in the clubhouse. You will see trademark names battling against each other in one of the fastest venues in the circuit.

2.       Straight Cash, Homey. The Average Purse of the Budweiser Shootout: $1,148,414. If you win this, fishing gets real affordable.

3.        0% Financing on Cars: Most of the teams have a car designated to race exclusively in the Shootout. They build the machine to be fast, they build it to win and they do not care if it comes back to the shop or leaves on a wrecker. You’re there to win.

4.       Quick and Dirty: The race is only 75 laps broken into two segments (25 and 50). There is a 10-minute session in-between segments for car adjustments. The last 50 laps promises to be some of the most exciting in Daytona’s recent history. The new pavement is sticky and will allow cars to race on all areas of the track. The result: Three- and four-wide racing comes standard.

5.       Racing Under the Lights: It’s like your paycheck…Everything goes faster at night.

BRO RATINGS:

A few weeks ago, NASCAR opened up Daytona for a weekend’s worth of testing so drivers and their teams could establish a direction with their racing setups. BroNameth Sports analyzed the statistics for each of the 5 testing sessions and developed an equation (mainly addition) to establish their BRO RATING. Here is how the drivers stack:

BRO RATINGS: The Budweiser Shootout

1.       Joey Logano #20: First of all, I do not like this guy. I am not sure if he switches dugouts and he has a better job than I do.  But he tore up the Nationwide Series and posted ridiculous numbers at testing. He finished in the top-10 in four of the five testing sessions, a statistic only Jeff Gordon could match. But even Gordon couldn’t hold a candle to Logano’s average speed of 191.583 MPH. Gordon’s average: 186.745 MPH. This kid can roll.

2.       Denny Hamlin #11: Consistency pays. Denny saw his lack of it lead to another Jimmy Johnson championship last year. Judging by his numbers at testing, he may have turned the corner. He finished second in Average Speed at 191.54 MPH to his teammate Logano. He posted a top speed of 197.737 MPH, which fell short to Brad Keselowski’s and Kurt Busch’s final segment speeds of 198.605 MPH and 198.579 MPH, respectively. Here’s the good news for Denny: The only reason Brad hit that pace was because his teammate Kurt was pushing him. Brad isn’t racing in the Shootout and Kurt – the only remaining Dodge – will have no help in the draft.

3.       Kyle Busch #18: The guy is good. He has matured over the last few seasons to cool his temper, but this race is built for his kind of attitude. He matched the top speed of his teammate, Denny Hamlin in testing at 197.737 MPH and posted a respectable average speed. You can be sure that Logano, Hamlin and Busch – all Joe Gibbs Racing teammates – will push each other to the front.

4.       Tony Stewart #14: Finally a driver not racing a Toyota comes into our BRO RANKINGS. Tony finished 6^th in the Average Speed category at testing. He did this without participating in the final session where Top Speeds were posted by almost every team. What does this mean: The 14 Car had all the information they needed. Tony went trolling for track women while his engineers collaborated with those at Hendrick Motorsports. They’ll be ready and Stewart will have plenty of Chevrolets to help push him to the front.

5.       Kasey Kahne #4: Your boy. Finished fourth in Average Speed at 189.902 MPH and with a Top Speed of 197.659 MPH. If you look at the numbers exclusively, he should be ahead of Tony Stewart in the BRO RATINGS. The problem: Like Kurt Busch, his drafting help in Brian Vickers will be riding the pine on Saturday. Although he too will be racing a Toyota, the engineering departments of Red Bull take a back seat to the reputation of Joe Gibbs Racing. Kahne put out some strong numbers and showed consistency at testing. His team will have to do the same.

HONORABROS:

-          Jimmy Johnson #48 – Don’t want to talk about it…He’ll be around and Chad Knauss will be arrogant.

-          Jeff Gordon #24 – (BroNameth Reader Nick Ball’s Driver) -  He and BRO RATINGS leader Joey Logano were the only drivers to post four top-10 finishes in the five testing sessions. His Top Speed is impressive. His Average Speed - meeehhhhhh.

-          Carl Edwards #99 – Because he’s dangerous

-          Kevin Harvick #29 – His new Budweiser car is top quality. And because she says so (Muh. Hum. Eh. Duh. Times 3):




UPCOMING TOPICS:

- Proper Rebel Yells

- Beer Opening Tricks

- Daytona 500 Preview