The Best and Worst of the Atlanta Braves

So how about this for a slow Tuesday....I was sitting around thinking about the best players that have donned the Atlanta Braves uniforms. Conversely, I was laughing my ass off at some of the crappy players the Braves have had over the year. If they played only 1 year with the Braves it doesn't matter, they are eligible. These are people I have been told about or know about myself. Let me know what you think and leave a comment if you disagree:

The Best

Catcher: Joe Torre: Before Joe Torre became known as the leader of the Evil Empire, he was a catcher for the Atlanta Braves for 9 seasons. Over those 9 years he hit .290 with 142 HR's. The only other person who would be considered would be Javy Lopez but I give the nod to Torre.

1B: Fred McGriff: The Crime Dog donned the Atlanta Braves uniform from 1993-1997 and was a fixture in the middle of the Lineup. The guy might have stood 35 feet away from home plate when he hit but man could he turn around and inside pitch.

2B: Martin Prado: I know I know. How could I have a guy on the list who has only played a little over a year. I will tell you how. Mark Lemke was not very good and hes the only other guy I know who could possibly be on this list. Not to mention "Lemmer" might be the most annoying Braves announcer of All Time. I believe when all is said and done that Prado will be the best 2B the Braves ever had.

SS: Jeff Blauser: I have been trying to think of another good shortstop and this is all I can come up with. I actually named my first dog Blauser after my boy Jeff. Other than that he looked alot like the dude from Glee and his stats really aren't that great. However, he is probably the greatest SS to play for the Braves. I considered Furcal but I never had a dog named Rafael or Furcal so I didn't pick him.

3B: Chipper Jones: I know that Eddie Matthews also played 3B but you have to give the nod to Chipper. Chipper has incredible stats and has done it hungover 90% of the time. He gets extra points for that. But seriously, Chipper is a Hall of Famer and has done so playing his entire career in Atlanta.

LF: Dale Murphy: Again, I know Murphy played Center but I am trying to field the best team here. Murphy is probably the most recognizable Brave to the 35-50 clan in Atlanta. Murphy hit over 300 HR's and was only 2 short of 400 for his career. He had a stretch of 4 years where he hit 36,36,36 and 37 HR's in consecutive seasons and that's WITHOUT steroids. The Murph was a badass and I know with 100% certainty he made his rounds through the Atlanta night scene.

CF: Andruw Jones: Andruw Jones IMO could have gone down as one of the best CF's to EVER play the game. However, he got fat and lazy. When he was in his prime he was a machine. The earth is covered by 75% of water....Andruw covers the rest. He literally got to EVERYTHING that was hit. Lets not forget that he hit over 350 HR's as an Atlanta Brave in 12 seasons.

RF: Hank Aaron: The easiest choice on the list for obvious reasons. The guy swatted 755 HR's over his career. For being such a power hitter he has a career batting average of .305. Lets keep in mind this is all being done without the using of PED's. Hank Aaron has done more for the Atlanta Braves Franchise than any other player I can think of. The guy is a legend and deservedly so.

Bench:

Andres Gallarage
Javy Lopez
Eddie Matthews
Mark Lemke
Terry Penleton
David Justice
Rafael Furcal
Sid "the Dream" Bream
Francisco Cabrera

SP:

Phil Niekro: Never saw him pitch but from everything I hear he was great. All the fans seemed to love him and from everything I have read on the guy he was also a great guy.

John Smoltz: A sure fire HOFer who was an absolute gamer. Honestly, it would be hard to not pick him if I had to choose someone to go win me a game. The guy is a mans man also. Hes got a golf course in his backyard and when hes not dropping insight for TBS hes playing hoops.

Greg Maddux: Maddux was so consistantly dominating it was scary. He won 15 games a year for 15 straight years! I remember a game he pitched against the Astros where he gave up a first inning HR to Jeff Bagwell and that was the only baserunner he allowed the whole game. The guy could flat pitch and it easily one of the best pitchers to ever play the game.

Tom Glavine: Crafty Lefty basically describes Glavine. Im pretty sure he couldn't break glass but he could dissect a strikezone. Just another 300 game winner who would probably be the 3rd starter on this team.

Warren Spahn: I honestly dont much about Spahn but he could pitch. He is one of the best left handed pitchers to ever play the game.

RP:

Lefty Specialist: Mike Remlinger: There wasn't another lefty that I trusted with the game like Remlinger. He had that old school look to him where he was just going to beat you. No real overpowering pitch the dude just knew how to mix it up.

MR: Greg McMichael: The guy was a stud. He had that goofy delivery and much like Moylan: Australian for Sucks he was deadly against right handed hitting.

MR: John Rocker: aka Borderline Mental Patient. To say he is a little off his Rocker is an understatement. Name another person who in 2 sentences offended everyone in the state of NY and possibly the entire nation? Kenny Powers? Touche. Name another? You cant. Watching the guy go full sprint from the BP to the mound looked like something out of Braveheart.

MR: Gene Garber: 2nd on the all time saves list behind John Smoltz. I never saw Garber pitch but from what i have been told he was a player. Anytime you 2nd on the list and the guy in front of you is John Smoltz, you have done something right.

MR: Mark Wohlers: He throws straight cheddar. Would be awesome in spot coverage but could come in and dominate for an inning if need be.

CL: John Smoltz: Currently suing Kyra Sedgwick claiming, he is The Closer. Smoltz could do double time Starting and Closing with this team. When Smoltz used to come in it was over. Lights out. Take your children and leave. Go elsewhere. Peace.

The Worst

Catcher: Corky Miller: Is there another catcher anywhere in the Majors that is worse then this guy? The guy is so inept at the plate its laughable. I remember a game where he came up to hit and I was genuinely upset they didn't pinch hit Tim Hudson for him.

1B: Troy Glaus: Mr. American Logger. Is it a coincidence every time he swung AT&T phones got better reception? He only made 2 million in the 1 year he was with the Braves but he made twice that in endorsement deals with Quikrete and AT&T. Quikrete was his shoe sponsor. That explains the absolute lack of mobility he had.

2B: Pete Orr: I actually like Pete Orr because he played the game hard but the guy just wasn't very good. I mean lets be honest he had no power, hit for about .240 and was not very intimidating. I will say this though Orr's Oars was a hit with the fans. I saw one guy dress up like a canoe for a game.

SS: Rafael Belliard: The Latin Monster. Belliard was pretty damn good defensively but his hitting was atrocious. I remember when I was 9 I saw Belliard at Publix and I was taller than he was. I made up the nickname Latin Monster if you haven't figured that out yet.

3B: Troy Glaus: Seriously I cant think of another player that is easier to rag on that Glaus. Did you know Troy Glaus' bat weighs as much as your average dog? Also, his new show The Quikrete Zoom, sold 4 pairs last year. The raft Tom Hanks made in Castaway was not a bunch of trees...it was Troy Glaus' bat broken into smaller pieces.

LF: Greg Norton: The Anti Virus needs no introduction. When you think "Who is the only hitter who might be worse than Corky Miller" you instantly think of Greg Norton. I swear, the year we had him he would come up to bat and I would start crying. I don't think I ever saw him get a hit. He used to pop out and foul out in batting practice. He came up to bat in a game with 2 outs and everyone ran off the field thinking the inning was over.

CF: Rick Ankiel: The Nature Boy. Good ol Rick Ankiel. He did hit that massive HR against the Giants in the postseason and that's about all he did. Have you ever seen someone who literally cant hit a curveball the way Ankiel can? How many times did he swing and miss by over a foot. A friend of mine called me from Vegas and said they had a prop bet on the board for the number of times Ankiel would swing and miss by over a foot....the number that night was 4.5. Ankiel covered that in his first 2 at bats.

RF: Garrett Anderson: Have you ever seen a player give less effort than Anderson? Name another active player who has fought in 3 different wars? You can't. Anderson fought in the Korean, Vietnam and Gulf Wars. He was arrested for draft dodging the war of 1812. Hes an old man. Has got to be in his 90's by now. At least he looks that old.

Bench:

Brent Lillibridge
Julio Franco
Yunel Escobar...worst attitude I have ever seen
Eddie Perez....trying to pick up chicks in the BP in right..total knobber
Greg Olson
Ken Caminitti
Raul Mondesi

SP:

Kenshin Kawakami: "He is a great pitcher who throws 6 pitches!" This was all I heard about KK when we signed him. They didn't tell me that all 6 pitches would be thrown belt high and down the middle. The guy is a walking batting practice.

Jo-Jo Reyes: More Like Hugo Reyes because this guy is Lost. All I ever heard about him was he was this incredible lefty prospect. Everytime I saw him pitch it looked like Craig Yarbrough circa 2003. They didn't have any problems finding weapons of mass destruction when Jo-Jo was on the mound bc there were bombs everywhere.

Ed Brandt: Mr. brandt was a whopping 5-19 with a 5.00 ERA for the 1935 Boston Braves. Don't worry though hes not the only Boston Brave on the list.

Ben Cantwell: A whopping 4-25 as a starter in 1935. Again, no idea who these guys are but they have to make the list with records like that.

Mark Redmond: 0-4 with an 11.63 ERA and 13 K's in 21 2/3 innings. That's pretty much all you need to know. He was terrible and I think we demoted him after that and he went on to get even worse so we released him.

RP:

Chris Reitsma: Arguably the absolute worst reliever of all time. I cannot even remember how many games this guy blew. "Hes got the best stuff on the team". I heard that countless times from both McCann and Bobby about how great Reitsma was in the BP sessions. He was terrible. I went to a game once where the Braves were winning 8-3 in the 7th. Bobby calls on Reitsma. I stand up and shake everyones hand around me telling them its been fun but I have to go because we have now lost the game. Reitsma gives up a couple and loads the bases and the braves lose 11-9.

Blaine Boyer: The Street Magician donned the Atlanta uniform for a couple years. My friends and I came up with the clever nickname by stealing David Blaines occupation, with Boyers ability to make leads disappear. Hence the Street Magician. He threw pretty hard but it was a cock shot 99.9% of the time. Newsflash, professional hitters don't miss those.

Manny Acosta: Icostya the game blew a bunch of games for the braves over a year and a half stretch. He has a goofy motion and never has back to back good innings. He looks like Cy Young one outing then the next like a combo of the Street Magician and Reitsma.

Bob Wickman: The fat dude from the Brewers. Supposedly was a terrible clubhouse guy who was angry all the time. What the hell is he angry about? He is easily one of the top 5 guys in baseball who is in the worst shape yet he is an "athlete". He was making like 5 million a year for being a fat slob.

Dan Kolb:  So the other day I was bored and checking out some domain names on Go Daddy. I wanted to see if http://www.dbag.com/ was available. It said it was taken. I checked to see who owned it and it was Dan Kolb! I couldn't believe it. Actually I could. The guy is a total d bag and jerk. I'm glad he got shelled every outing. Peace be with you.