BroRankings going into Sin City

BroRankings going into Sin City

By: Corey Rose

So here we are, off and running in the 2011 season. Now that we’re past the wild card that is Daytona and have seen some 1 mile short track racing in Mexi-I mean Arizona, it’s time to head to Vegas for a cookie cutter track. They call the mile and halfers cookie cutters because it’s become the standard layout of NASCAR tracks these days. The banking, width, and pavement may vary from one to another, but these tracks really separate the contenders from the Trevor Baynes because we see a lot of them-and most tracks twice-as we head towards the championship.

1. As his losing streak was just climbing over the retirement age, ole Jeff Gordon put the AARP Chevy in victory lane for the first time, and he did it with style. He was bounced off the wall earlier in the day, managed to keep it pretty clean from then on, and then gave the Busch Bro to beat at Phoenix a dose of his own medicine with less than 10 to go. With a new crew chief, team, and sponsor, watch out for the 24 to take this momentum and run with it. Oh, and at Vegas since the intro if the car of tomorrow, this wine sipping pipsqueak has led more than the double the laps anyone else has, has the highest driver rating, and an average finish of 4.5.

2. I know. By ranking Kyle Busch second in the power rankings, I’m just repeating the Phoenix finishing order, but if I ranked him any lower, I’d be eating my words come Sunday. Plus, he came a couple hundred feet away from completing the weekend sweep for the second time in his career. We’re heading into the Busch Bros’ hometown with them 1 and 2 in the point standings. While his finish at Vegas last year was an mediocre 15^th, he won the year before. Plus, at Daytona and Phoenix, he was the best finisher from the Joe Gibbs stable yet he was involved or almost involved in more cautions than I can count. The only thing that might derail him this week would be some Cousin Carl payback for ruining his Subway 500 run this past weekend. If you don’t know anything about Carl’s history with revenge, watch this.

I really thought Carl would have axed the white gloves after they gave him up on this one.

3. Kurt Busch is just on a tear so far this year. After a win in the Bud Shootout, a win in his Haterade Duel, and two Top 10s in the first two races, Kurt and Dodge are flexing their muscle. Remember, NASCAR’s new point system is built to reward consistency. This guy understands that. He hasn’t had the success his bro has had in their hometown, but Dodge hasn’t looked this good in years either. Plus, with a nickname like the “Double Deuce”, also the name of the shitty bar Sam Elliot and Patrick Swayze cleaned up in the 80’s masterpiece, Road House, he’s gotta be able to whoop some ass.

On a side note, if you’ve never seen Road House, watch this clip and call me on Monday after you’ve gone out and picked this one out of Wally World’s DVD Five Buck Bin. If you don’t feel a significant increase in tesBrosterone levels, it’s time to call Brose Canseco and try some Human Browth Hormones.

4. I hate to do this but have to for the sake of honest writing, Jimmie Johnson has to get a spot in our 5. He got collected in the Daytona crap shoot but bounced back very well with a 3^rd at Phoenix. Last year he won this race. The year before that, he shit the bed. In 9 races, his average finish is 10^th. That’s second to only Jeff Burton’s 9.92 for drivers with more than 5 appearances here. Unless 5 time racks up a buncha DNFs(did not finishes), you can probably count on him remaining on this list. He just never goes away no matter how much we want him to. He’s currently outside the Chase picture so enjoy it while it lasts, race fans.

5. For the 5^th and final spot in the BroRankings, I’ll give you a bit of a wild card to chew on. Look out for AJ Allmendinger to make some noise this weekend and as the year progresses. I truly believe this ugly duckling can bring Richard Petty and the #43 back to the glory days or at least close to it. Vegas hasn’t been his strong suit in the past, but the RPM cars are looking much more competitive since the size of the team was reduced for 2011. Also, the dude finished 11^th at Daytona, 9^th at Phoenix, and is sitting pretty tied for 3^rd in points with my boy, Tony Stewart. Dinger’s problem in the past has been consistency so that either needs to be corrected or he’s going to have to get into the Chase on wins alone.

Side note: You may have heard the IRL(Incompetent Racers Legion)is putting up $5 mil for any active driver from outside their gaggle of crash test dummies that qualifies and wins the season finale in Vegas. 5 drivers will be allowed to attempt this but will have to be approved by the IRL’s Idiocracy-level governance body. A lot of names have been mentioned like Scott Speed, Robby Gordon, Tony Stewart, JPM, etc. etc. but the only person to say he’s interested is the Dinger, who does have open wheel experience. If he does well on Sunday, this conversation is going to heat up. While it is intriguing, I don’t think Dinger is the NASCAR driver we should put our hopes on to further embarrass the U.S. open wheel nancies.

Side note 2: Mobil1 announced this week that Tony Stewart and Lewis Hamilton, the 2009 F1 Champ, will be meeting at Watkins Glen with their respective race prepped cars this summer. They’ll swap rides and see what they can do as a promotional event for Mobil1. Absolutely brilliant. These two have proven they can drive anything and giving them race prepped cars rather than doing some stupid demo in detuned cars with last year’s parts should be interesting. Plus, neither of these guys have reputations for following rules so you can count on some extracurriculars.

Bronorable Mention:

Carl Edwards: He looked great at Daytona and qualified on the pole for his sponsor’s race this past week. Due to a wrong place, wrong time situation, Carl didn’t really get a chance to show us what he had for race day in Arizona. In 6 races at Vegas Carl has a low of 26th, a high of 1^st, and an average of just under 13^th. Considering the improvements made to the new FR9 Ford engine package, I would say we can count on Cuz’s averages going up all year including this week.

Tony Stewart: Bias aside, Smoke looks pretty solid so far this year. Anyone that made it through the last two races without being involved in a caution has to be off to a pretty good start. In each race, we’ve had about half the field collected in one wreck or another. Smoke has managed to keep out of these messes by running up front consistently, something tough to do over a couple hundred mile race especially at Daytona. Again, consistency is king. It shows with him being 3^rd in the points, but this team has to find a way to be relevant after the last pit stop. They seem to go from potential winner to solid top 10 on the final run.

DisBronorable Mention:

Richard Childress Racing: Look here, RCR(minus Paul Menard because you’ll never really be a contender. They’re just taking your daddy’s money and telling him you’re part of the club). I tooted your horn big time going into Daytona and y’all sucked there and didn’t look much better at Phoenix. These guys are having a harder time keeping their noses clean than Charlie Sheen. Yes, it’s been a lot of bad luck, but under this new point system, teams can ill afford DNFs and 30 somethings. It’s time for the King of Beers and his boys to post some top 10s together. Their average finishes look pretty good going into the cesspool in the desert, but one could say the same for Daytona and Phoenix. Look how that turned out.